Rooted

 

This happy dandelion caught my attention today. Some might look at it and think "oh, it's a picture of strength and resilience - just look how determined it is to grow in those harsh surroundings!"

I don't see it that way.

That plant is not "working hard" to prevail against harsh conditions. It's just doing what it's made to do.

When I asked the Lord what He was trying to show me, He whispered the word "ROOTED" 🌱

Of course!

Circumstances and surroundings don't have the power of death when the ROOT is where it belongs.

Of course, this plant has a long taproot down into fertile soil, so the plant thrives despite being surrounded by unfriendly circumstances.

How about you?

Do you feel blown by the winds of change?

Panicked by the evening news?

Afraid for the future?

Disturbed by political changes or swings in the stock market?

Uncertain about time, finances, aging, kids, purpose, relationships, etc.?

If yes, then I gently encourage you to examine where you're rooted. The "fruit" of panic, fear, anxiety, uncertainty...they are fruits that indicate an unhealthy plant. THAT plant is working hard, battling, and striving.

Be like the dandelion, friend 😂

Get your roots into fertile soil.

Get you face pointed toward the Son ☀️ (see what I did there?)

And then...rest.

Let Him be God, and you can be His child.

Of course, there's good work to do in this life...but when you're rooted in Him, everything is grace.

Resilience and toughness is overrated - the world tries to sell it as "strength"...but it's really just a path to exhaustion and futility.

Call on Jesus and just see how sweet life can be ❤️

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There Is No "If"

The past few days have been especially hard for me.  Who am I kidding...the past few weeks...months...years even. They've been hard as I struggle with physical pain in my body.

The doctor tells me that I have a torn meniscus in each knee. This is the first time I've dealt with chronic pain like this.  It hurts when I walk.  It hurts when I rest.  It even hurts to the point of me shouting out in pain in the middle of the night.

It wasn't very long ago that I would have simply booked a surgical appointment and had them both repaired.  That's the reasonable course of action, right?

But I had an unsettled feeling in my heart from the beginning as I contemplated surgery.  Of course, I don't love the idea of surgical pain.  I don't love the idea of the financial cost.  But most of all, I felt the prompting of the Lord to "hold"... to simply wait.

So I wait.  And I suffer.  And I miss long walks with my husband.  I miss hiking through the woods and working in my yard. 

Waiting doesn't make sense to my logical brain. 

In fact, I woke one day with certainty in my heart about having surgery - I felt peaceful and excited to put the pain behind me and get back to exercising and getting fit. But based on my previous certainty to wait, I asked the Lord to confirm this new decision to move forward with surgery.  Boy, did He deliver on that request quickly!  

I opened the Word that morning to the genealogy of Jesus in the first chapter of Matthew.  I read every word at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and my eye settled on the name "Asa".  I could not read past his name, so I dug into the story of King Asa. The punchline is found in 2 Chronicles 16:12-13:

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa became diseased in his feet.  His disease was severe, yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians.  So Asa slept with his fathers having died in the forty-first year of his reign."

My jaw pretty much hit the floor!  And I was frustrated and SO mad!  I wanted the pain gone.  I wanted to seek the physicians.  And frankly, in many areas of my life, I DO seek physicians with no conflict of conscience.  I take prescription medicines.  I've had surgery.  I've been greatly blessed by healing provided by God through physicians' hands.

But the message was clear - the Lord was asking me to wait and seek Him in this.  I was super irritated.

Eventually, I decided to settle into hope.  

For a while, I was eager in the painful waiting.  I figured that God must have something better in store for me.  Why else would He ask me to wait?

And wow, the Lord has absolutely knocked my socks off the past couple years.  The Bible tells us that followers of Jesus will see signs...believers in Jesus "will cast out devils, they'll speak in new tongues, they'll take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." (Mark 16:17-18)

I'm here to testify -- this scriptural promise still stands to this day!

I've seen it with my own eyes.  I've seen demons flee as I pray.  I've experienced speaking in new tongues.  I've laid hands on the sick, and they've recovered.  Glory to God!!

(Admittedly, I've not taken up snakes or sipped on anything deadly...not exactly seeking those things out haha!)

I've seen cancer healed.

I've seen torn ligaments in shoulders healed.

I've seen chronic and debilitating back pain vanish.

I've seen addicts instantly delivered and healed...they're not recovering, they're healed.

And most recently (and ironically)...a woman at church just walked up to me TWO DAYS ago, and she was giddy to share with me:

"Daiquiri!  I want you to know that when you prayed for my knee last month, God healed me!  He HEALED me!  He actually healed me!  I had a torn meniscus in my knee...and it's totally healed now!"

I rejoiced with her.  "Thank You, God, for healing my precious sister.  Thank You for the honor of being Your hands and feet in praying for her.  You're amazing!" 

We celebrated together, and then I said "you wanna hear a crazy coincidence? I have a torn meniscus in each of my knees.  Would you pray for me now?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and prayed for our good God to do for me just what He did for her.  Surely, this was it?  Surely this was the day of my miracle?

Apparently not.  I limped away from that encounter feeling rejected and heartbroken.

Later the very next day (yesterday), a woman asked me to pray for her.  She had terrible pain in her back.  I laid my hands on her in faith.  I believe that Jesus is who He says He is, and that He does what He says He will do.

She felt no improvement in her pain.  Her sad blue eyes pierced me as she said "I know He's a healer.  Why isn't He healing me?"

It cut me to the quick.  My heart broke with and for her because I KNOW the pain in that question.

As I stood and worshiped the Lord yesterday, tears streamed down my cheeks and wet the front of my shirt.  I felt utterly rejected and hurt.  The pain in my knees paled in comparison to the heart-sick feeling I had that maybe I wasn't loved very much after all.

I KNOW that my feelings are real, but they're not always TRUE.  

I fight to take my thoughts and feelings captive and to bend them to conform to the Truth of Jesus.

I speak "It is written..." over myself as I fight the pull of the black hole that is emotional turmoil.

Thank God for His written Word!

And even more, I thank God for the written Word's revelation of the living Word, Jesus.

So I went straight to the written Word this morning for comfort and an emotional "re-set".  I'm not going to wallow in lies for another day.  This is the day the Lord has made, and I WILL be glad!  Teach me, Lord!

The Lord led me Matthew 12:36-39 when Jesus scolded people who were insisting on a sign.  He said, "An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign..."

My breath caught in my chest.
My heart seemed to beat louder than normal.
My ears rang in the profound silence that surrounded me.

Jesus was talking about ME in this verse!

Yes, "signs" will follow those who believe.

But I've been seeking His hand more than His heart.

Worse, I've been seeking His hand as PROOF of His heart.

Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry!

The scribes and Pharisees sought a sign...with impure intent:  

"IF You are who You say You are, then show us a sign.
Prove Yourself to us.
Do what we want when we want it."

So ugly...but haven't I been doing the same?

"IF You love me, then show me a sign.
Prove You love me by healing me.
Do what I want how and when I want it."

Yup - just as ugly.

I confessed the sin before the Lord, and I repented with all my heart.  He was faithful and just to forgive me and wash me clean (1 Jn 1:9).

All at once, I heard His familiar voice whisper lovingly:

"There is no 'if'"

I was swept under the wave of love that rolled over me.

Oh God, You love me.  You are good.

No matter my physical experience or my emotions, these two things are true every moment of every day.

I choose to believe the truth of Your love and goodness even when I don't "feel" it.  Even when there is not the "sign" of it that I desire.

"If He heals me..."

"If He gifts me..."

"If He provides for me..."

"If I see a sign..."

Oh Lord, I'm sorry that I've attached "if" to Your everlasting love and goodness.

There.  Is.  No.  "IF".

You are God and I am not.

You are loving and good and true.  Period.

Thank You for loving and forgiving me.  Thank you for teaching me. 

I will stand and worship and thank You for Your faithfulness and goodness...even if I must stand on throbbing legs to do it.

Thank You for your patience with me and my bratty ways!  Thank You that You are my Rock even when I make the mistake of setting my eyes on the wind and waves.

Thank You for Your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Words cannot express Your goodness Lord.  Please see the welling of love and awe in my heart for You, God.  Let the incense of my love and worship rise to Your throne day after day.  Night after night. Regardless of my earthly circumstance...You are holy and worthy and so very good.

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The Cost of Love

 

Feeling a little sad this morning.  We decided it was time to say goodbye to our old boy Packer last night.  He was a fixture in our lives for 14+ years, and the house feels strange without him.  I missed him limping his way over to me this morning to give me a good morning hug.  He was a crazy dog...but he was so sweet and I loved him the best I could.

As I contemplate my heartache over a dog...it strikes me that God is love.  Jesus came in love.  The Holy Spirit ministers to us in love.  We are made in His image, and we are called to so thoroughly love that it's becomes a badge that enables the world to identify the followers of Jesus.

But there's a serious cost to follow that call.

It costs us to love.  It costs our very selves because love is an utterly selfless thing.  It is caring about someone else even above ourselves.  It is sacrificing and compromising and all giving...all pouring out.

Thankfully, love is designed to be a relationship - a two way street - a pouring out AND a filling up. 

We love God and He loves us infinitely MORE.

We love a spouse and they love us back.

We love and old dog and we're met with faithful tail wags, a little jump of joy when they see us, and a sweet friendly presence to be with us...even if they are a hairy mess with awful (AWFUL) breath!

It's designed to be good and beautiful - a literal reflection of the amazing heart and character of our Creator.

But still...there's a heavy cost when choosing to love in this lifetime.

Too often, love is not reciprocated.

Too often, "love" is selfish and cruel (not actually love, but a misuse of the word).

Too often, the one(s) who are meant to love us the most are wrapped up in fear and hurt and lies...the best they can do is respond harshly and selfishly instead of gently as they strive to protect their already wounded heart. All they can pour out to their partner is the fear and hurt and lies that they're ruled by...and this upside down culture of ours encourages this as "strength" or "toughness" or "independence".

And even when we do find/discover/develop a (near) perfect Godly love that removes fear...that is patient and kind...that is giving and humble...that is honoring and self-giving...that is slow to anger an forgives quickly...that is a source of joy and comfort

...even then, there is a cost.

There is the cost demanded by time itself.

We see the precious hands weaken and the wrinkles set in.  The hair grays and the walk slows.  Time marches...marches...marches...

We know where it's leading.  We tuck the dread away, and pray an earnest, "Maranatha!" 

Yet, despite the cost, I choose love.

I choose connection and tenderness.

I choose to give my heart...my whole self...away.

Yes, there is a very steep cost of love...

...and I believe it's worth it.

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The Prayer of Faith

 

Are we praying the prayer of faith, or the prayer of doubt?

Too often, we pray the prayer of doubt.

The prayer of fear.

The prayer of defeat.

We pray the PROBLEM instead of the solution.

Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."

With that in mind, what does "the prayer of faith" in James 5:14-15 mean?

Instead of speaking about the problem and begging God to do what He already did and offers to us freely, let’s simply BELIEVE HIM enough to speak out what HE says about what we have going on. Faith…having confidence in who God is and what He says instead of confidence in our circumstance.

This can seem foolish or silly because we find ourselves speaking things that we can’t yet see with our eyes. But isn’t that what faith is? Yes…yes, it is. Faith is the evidence of things NOT SEEN, friends.

Even if we don’t see it yet, we’re asked to walk by faith and not sight.

So it reasons that the “prayer of faith” is the act of praying/speaking what we believe even though we cannot see it (yet!).

In fact, if we CAN see it, that’s not faith at all…that’s walking by sight and not faith!

At best, we too often pray a "double minded" prayer that sounds a lot like hedging our bet.

Check out this definition for "hedging a bet": "A hedge is a method to reduce risk and secure winnings for a specified bet. It means betting the opposite side of your original wager in order to either try to middle the game, or to reduce the downside exposure of the original wager."

We do this, right?

Original wager: "I trust you, God. You are my healer. You are my great physician. You are able to heal me. By your stripes I am healed."

The opposite of the original wager: "But God, if you don't want to heal me, that's ok. If you're not still in the healing business, that's ok. If your plan is for me to be sick and to die young, that's ok."

Here's what James 1:6-8 has to say about this kind of double-mindedness:

"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Friends, we CANNOT hedge our bets! We cannot hedge our prayers. We cannot speak faith out of one side of our mouth, and doubt out of the other side!

What is the result when we do this?

I'm reminded of just how many times (a LOT), Jesus replied to someone seeking healing from Him with, "let it be done according to your faith" or "your faith has healed you"

ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH

I'll say it as clearly as I'm able...don't let your faith be garbage that's based on what you SEE or EXPERIENCE. Speak the truth of God over your life whether you see it yet or not.

Go ALL IN

Friends, if I'm gonna go down....I'm going down swinging with all my strength.

All in on who God says he is.

All in on what God says Jesus did.

FAITH is not a whimpy Christianese term.

Faith is IT. Faith is ALL we have.

Faith is the ONLY thing that gives us access to the grace of God (Romans 5:2).

Are you with me, friends?

What are you struggling with today? What's causing you pain or fear?

I encourage you to go right NOW to the Word to see what GOD SAYS about your circumstance.

Quick circling the drain in fear and doubt...and get your feet on The Rock.

Have CONFIDENCE in Him today.

Trust what He says even if you don't "see" it yet.

Actively reject fear and shame and doubt.

QUIT. HEDGING.

He is TRUE.

He is FAITHFUL.

He is ABLE.

He is WILLING.

He is WORTHY of our lives lived all-in with Him.

ox Daiq

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Inspecting the Fruit

Contemplating why yesterday afternoon was painful for me.

I felt stressed. Defeated. Frustrated. Ashamed. Fearful. Ugly. Useless.

I had a good sob-fest in my room like any rational adult woman would ;-) And I woke this morning with very puffy eyes...and the voice of the Holy Spirit whispering gently, "wanna talk about it?"

I opened my Bible to Luke chapter 14, which is an interesting series of messages that go something like:

1. Hate all else and follow me
2. Pick up your cross and follow me
3. Count the cost
4. Give up all to be my disciple

Bottom line...surrender ALL to Him.

The Holy Spirit was so tender when He said, "The reason those two areas are so painful for you is because you're insisting on carrying them and they're simply too heavy for you. It'll always hurt you to carry them. And I'll allow them to hurt you because I want you to learn to put them in my hands and to leave them there. Have you had enough yet?"

My whole mind, body, and soul screamed "YES, I've had enough!"

But agreeing isn't the final step.

Actually gathering up all the heavy stuff and RELEASING it to Him is the final step.

Oh Lord, cast that junk FAR away from me so I can't pick it back up even if I foolishly think I want to!

Today is a day to inspect the fruit in different areas of my life.

I'll rejoice and be thankful when I recognize the fruits of a surrendered life...peace and joy and contentment.

And if/when I see evidence of fear, shame, condemnation, or defeat...I'll simply recognize those areas of my life as "big ugly heavy" things that require surrender.

He's a good Father.

He doesn't require our surrender as a way to make us poor.

He asks for our surrender because He knows it's healthy for us, and He wants His beloved to be healthy.

I want what He so compassionately and lovingly offers to lavish on us... all the good stuff.

I want total freedom from all the works of the evil one.

It's what Jesus came to do.

It's why he suffered for the JOY set before Him.

Thank you Lord, and please have the fullness of what You purchased in me and my loved ones.

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Is Jesus Still Healing?

Affiliate link for this book: Christ the Healer, Bosworth

Does God still want to physically heal as Jesus did?

Does God change?

Are Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father not ONE?

Do they not have the SAME will?

Did Jesus not demonstrate the will of the entire Godhead when He healed all?

Be encouraged, friends. God has not changed. God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are ONE. One heart. One mind. One purpose. One character. One name. One will.

He is still saving, healing, and delivering RIGHT. NOW. I've seen it with my own eyes. Hallelujah!

I'm reading this book right now and it's taking SO long to get through it. Not because it's a hard read - it's very easy to read. It's taking me forever because I find myself stopping to underline half the book!

Today's big takeaway that's making me stop to chew and digest truth:

"If sickness, as some think, is the will of God for His faithful children, then it is a sin for them even to desire to be well. This says nothing of spending thousands of dollars to defeat His purpose."

"If sickness is the will of God...every physician is a lawbreaker; every trained nurse is defying the Almighty; every hospital is a house of rebellion, instead of a house of mercy. If this were true, instead of supporting hospitals, we out to do our utmost to close every one."

"If the modern theology of those who teach that God wants some of His worshipers to remain sick for His glory is true, then Jesus, during His earthy ministry, never hesitated to rob the Father of all the glory He could by healing all who came to Him. The Holy Spirit, likewise, robbed Him of all the glory He could by healing all the sick in the streets of Jerusalem. And Paul, too, robbed God of all the glory he could by healing all the sick on the island of Melita."

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Jesus Heals

 

Watching God water the earth and feeling my brain swell and shift and tremble as my thinking framework is turned on it's head...

Saturday is recovery day for me. "Sleep in Saturday", we call it. I love being able to sleep until I can't anymore...and then I lounge in bed thinking about whatever comes to mind...looking out the window...talking with God.

I did a quick check of my phone to make sure I wasn't missing anything urgent with my family, and I saw a message from a friend we (me and another friend) prayed with this last week. I can still picture the terrible swelling in the joints of her hands caused by years of osteoarthritis. I can feel her hands in mine as we prayed for the Lord to heal her of the pain and stiffness.

She wrote this morning to report that the swelling in her right hand is gone and she can close both her hands all the way (!!)

As I stared at the message in awe, I heard the reminder "Why are you surprised? He came to destroy the works of the devil. That means ALL of it. Your entire being is free. Every inch top to bottom. Inside and out. Jesus ransomed it all."

I google to find that verse...1 John 3:8

The word "destroyed" leaps off the page - what does that word mean, exactly?

It is the Greek work Luo "loo-oh", to destroy.

But my study tool makes a point to say "compare to 'rhesso'"....So I go to see what rhesso means (also often used to speak of some sort of destruction). Why did the Holy Spirit use luo instead of rhesso??

The study tool says this about rhesso: "to break, crack, wreck, shatter to minute fragments, BUT NOT A REDUCTION TO THE CONSTITUENT PARTICLES LIKE LUO"

Woah!!!

Luo: to melt, loosen, break up, destroy, put off, to set free, to annul, to deprive of authority, to declare unlawful, to overthrow and do away with (Thayers)

Jesus came to "luo" the works of the devil. He didn't just release a wrecking ball to break it down and leave a mess behind. He utterly destroyed...melted...annulled...overthrew...REDUCED IT TO THE CONSTITUENT PARTICLES.

As I write, I think of a greasy cooking dish with a bit of spaghetti sauce floating on the surface of the water. A single drop of dish soap added to the water, and you know what happens to that greasy mess. It doesn't stay and fight it out with the soap...it practically flies in the opposite direction of the soap.

The nature of the grease and the soap are SO utterly in opposition to one another that the grease is physically unable to stay in the same space where the soap is dropped. There's no battling it out - the soap is simply more powerful.

And as we swirl the soap around in that pan, the grease has no fight to offer. It's dissolved. Loosened. Melted. Broken down to particles that can't stick and make a mess any longer. It's simply and easily rinsed away as the soap does it's job.

It's a crude example, but a good visual.

A single drop of The Blood does the same to the works of the devil. We don't have to strive and fight. We simply agree with Jesus, and invite the Holy Spirit to apply the finished work of Jesus to our lives.

"Resisting the devil" is not a striving and fighting. It's speaking out the TRUTH of Jesus's victory.

It's like a single drop of soap in a greasy pan.

We ask and plead and beg for God to heal and save and deliver...

...meanwhile, we stand at the sink with a GALLON of dish sop, wondering why the pan won't clean itself.

Apply the soap to that greasy dish, friend.

APPLY THE BLOOD!

It's fully available to us. It's infinitely powerful.

SPEAK it because the power of life and death are in the tongue.

You only need a drop, but why stop there when an infinite OCEAN of healing and wholeness is available?

God isn't stingy. He's not expecting you to use a drop, and then work the rest out on your own.

Just DIVE right into that ocean of grace, friend. Dive in and be saturated. Live in it. See how easy and light the burden is that He asks you to carry. Enjoy the peace and joy He offers.

If you're feeling like you're drowning in fear, overwhelm, shame, and hopelessness...you're simply and needlessly dying of thirst.

Come to to the fountain. Come to the ocean of grace. Watch as the work of the devil is utterly destroyed in your life as the Truth is applied.

Be saved.
Be healed.
Be delivered.

It's what Jesus came to do

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The Root of Dread, Resentment, Weariness

I woke up this morning feeling such a heavy feeling of DREAD.

Real talk…I hate to say it, but I always feel dread on days when I have ministry sessions :-(

So I took it to the Lord and asked what this is. I don’t want to keep feeling this awful way!

“You dread the hard work you’re about to do. You dread taking so much time to sit and work with someone when you have so many other things that you want to do”

So I asked why it’s so heavy and exhausting for me. Isn’t this just a normal thing to feel when we’re doing good and important work for the Lord?

“No. You learned that from the spirit of religion”

Wait, what?

“Religion says to work hard for me. I say my yoke is easy and I offer you rest. Who are you believing?”

Dang

Ok what about the time thing…how can I avoid feeling restless and resentful when I feel like doing something else?

“Religion says hustle and grind because time is short. Time’s a wastin’. I remind you that I am the keeper of time. I can redeem the hours you spend in this. Again, who are you believing?”

And…dang again

So, once again I put this ministry  in His hands. I show up to every session empty handed and trust Him to do the heavy work. I will rest and be patient as I give my time…with the faith that there will be time for all important things today.

I was blessed recently by a friend sharing that God had a vision of our ministry team - each person had their own special wardrobe and weapon as we went to battle.  But what she saw of me didn't include any weapons or armor! 

I confess, I had the fleeting thought…where is my armor? My weapons?  I’m just standing on a big rock looking at God with a smile on my face?!

Yup. That’s exactly right.

I’m standing on THE Rock

Smiling

Resting

Feeling the wind in my hair

Wearing the simple crown of a well-loved daughter

Trusting

Waiting

Watching Him

Worshiping Him as He does what He does best…being God

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Love Who?

Jesus: "love your neighbor as yourself"

Spirit of religion: "You're an unlovable wretched sinner"

Several years ago, I was exercising to a song called "I love me" (Megan Trainor I think). As I be-bopped along to the catchy tune I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, "Do you?"

I literally stopped in my tracks.

"Is this song evil, Lord? Should I not be listening to it? Am I even supposed to love myself? That feels/sounds arrogant."

His reply... "Well maybe I should change the command to say 'love others more than yourself' then" with a wink and a smile

All at once His truth washed over me...the assumption in the command to love others as myself is that OF COURSE I love myself.

If I can't follow this most basic command because I've learned to "humble" myself to the point of loathing myself...how can I expect to be of any use at all for the Lord's purposes?

Have you noticed how the enemy uses truth, and twists it just a smidge? It still SEEMS true...but it only RESEMBLES truth.

Resembling truth is not the same as BEING truth.

This is one of those times. Humility makes sense and is proper before a holy God.

But that doesn't mean we spend our lives beating ourselves up and constantly being in grief about our sin.

Our thoughts about ourselves should reflect God's thoughts about ourselves. We are called to have the mind of Christ. So what does He say about you?

You're forgiven

You're loved

You're seating in the heavenlies

You're a friend of His

You're adored

You're a delight

You have purpose and calling

You have spiritual gifts

You're useful

You were saved, healed, and delivered

You are free

You have all you need

You are protected

You are adopted and fully accepted

You are able and welcome to enter the presence of God any time

I could go on and on and on...the Word is FILLED with beautiful revelations of what Jesus purchased for us on that wretched cross!

If you feel at all less than what God says about you, then friend...I lovingly say to you...you've fallen for a lie.

You have a real enemy who steals and kills and destroys. If you're living hurt and defeated and lost, then the enemy has stolen something from you.

As a believer, you have the authority to take it back. TAKE IT BACK!

Love yourself

Love yourself like God loves you

Get healed and whole and restored

THEN you can love others as you love yourself...and you'll love them well!

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Identity

 Identity.

It's something that's been shifting a little bit for me lately.

"Shifting" is an interesting word that just flew on the page...made me realize that parts of my identity have been built on sinking sand instead of the Rock that never moves. Let it shift, Lord. Shift right out from under me until my feet land on the Rock.

Woman
Daughter
Sister
Wife
Mom
Friend
Christian
Writer
Entrepreneur
Business Builder

Some parts of me are firmly on the Rock...others are shaking a bit. It's good...new wine needs new wine skin.

But have you noticed how the shift from one wineskin to the next is a vulnerable and sometimes painful feeling?

Like being momentarily skinned alive, even?!

The vulnerable uncertain in-between feels raw and naked and tender.

But then, the excitement of settling in a new home...a new skin with more stretching capacity than the old. The new skin feels like POTENTIAL.

Change is in the air. I don't know exactly what's coming, but God's given me clues in dreams and words and visions... Things that have been confirmed by others who seek Him. We're in a season of being "established"....but seasons change... ARE changing.

As for me and my role/identity?

🌸This body is for the Lord (1 Cor 6:13)

🌸THIS is the time for which I was created.

🌸I am anointed and sealed by God

🌸I am a blood-washed, Spirit filled DAUGHTER of the King Most High.

🌸I am His and He is mine.


I really don't need to know more than that 💕

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Have You Forgotten?

 

Have you forgotten?

If you believe that God is holding your past against you or looking on you with disapproval or disgust...you might have forgotten that God pardons through Jesus.

If you believe that God gave you sickness to "teach you a lesson" or to "refine your character"...you might have forgotten that God is your healer.

If you believe you're "too far gone"...you might have forgotten God's power to redeem all that's been lost.

If you believe God is waiting for you to mess up so He can crush you with His vengeance.... you might have forgotten that that God tenderly crowns you in his love, kindness, mercy, and compassion. He's a good Father.

If you believe God expects you to live in poverty and lack and suffering...you might have forgotten that God satisfies you with good things and renews you.

Ask Him, friends. Ask Him simply, "Lord, do I believe a lie about you?" And then listen as He gently replies.

If He points out a lie (hint: it's probably linked to an area of your life where you feel stressed or fearful), then ask "Lord, please show me the TRUTH to replace this lie."

Let Him renew you in the TRUTH of Who He IS 💕

The truth of Who He is? It'll set you FREE like you've never known freedom 🔥🙌🏼

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Bible Study

Studying the Bible can be overwhelming and confusing.  I'm no expert, and I find myself frequently saying "WHAT?!" as I read.  But over the past few years, I've developed a couple of methods that have really helped me understand God and His Word better.  I thought I'd share:

1.  Pray!  Remember, the Bible is a spiritual document.  If you want God's heart on an issue, you're going to need His help.  

2.  Context, Context, Context. One of the most dangerous things I see people do with the Bible is to grab a single verse out of context.  Please - take the time to read the entire chapter or book.  At the very least, do the 20/20 rule: read the 20 verses ahead and the 20 verses after the particular section you're studying.  If you have a fairly modern study Bible, you will also find references in the footnotes to guide you to other parts of the Bible that discuss a similar topic.  It's worth it to take the time.

3.  Logic.  A common stumbling block for many people is the belief that the Bible contradicts itself.  The Bible does not contradict itself.  If you're reading a verse that seems to contradict another, look a bit closer.  Pray for guidance.  Ask yourself if you're jumping to conclusions or if the Bible is being explicit.  

4.  Understand the history.  It can be easy to forget that the Bible is also a historical document.  If we study what was happening in the world at the time the Bible was written, it can shed light on the language used.  A good study Bible or Bible Commentary is a great tool for this.

5.  Get to the root of it.  Sometimes we can read and re-read the same section of the Bible, but it still doesn't make sense.  It can be helpful to go back to the original language that the Bible was written in.  Don't worry, you don't need to be fluent in Greek or Hebrew :)

I've found some great internet tools to help you really pick apart verses and get to the roots of what words mean.  You can find my "method" in my most recent eHow article: 

How To Use The Internet To Study The Bible.

I sure don't have all the answers, but I love to study the Word and learn more about God.  Do you have a verse or book (or topic) that you're having a hard time understanding?  Drop me an email or leave a comment here - let's work on it together!

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Layin 'Em Down

Who's feeling burdened out there?  Can I get an "Amen!"?  I can't be the only one...

I've been struggling lately.  Without going into too much personal detail, I'll just say that the past few years of "real estate investing" (just another phrase for "spending buckets of money that doesn't belong to us") has caught up with us.  

I don't have "the market" to blame.  I don't have the government to blame.  I don't have anyone to blame but us.  The arrogance and thorough lack of wisdom and judgement that got us here....that's what I have to blame.

I feel scared.

Ashamed.

Embarrassed.

Uncertain.

Vulnerable.

And through all of my recent nights of tears and gut wrenching prayers for help...God seems silent.  To be honest, God seems absent.

That's what hurts the most.  

Is He just leaving us to deal with the consequences we brought on?  Maybe.  Is He working in us and in the background? Probably.  Is He here no matter what...no matter the state of my mind, heart, or pocketbook?  Definitely.

Sometimes I can't feel Him or hear Him...but I've come to trust that wonderful Book He gave us.

And then, in the midst of all this fear and shame and uncertainty, there's a song that I can NOT get out of my head ("Lay Em Down" by Need To Breathe).  It persistently loops through my brain morning, noon, and night.  I even find myself stepping to the rhythm of this music in my head.

(Hmmm...maybe this is a medication issue?  Hehehe!!)

No, I feel God moving me through the rhythm of this song.  

It reminds me of 1 Peter 5:7  - one of my favorite verses: 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

What a powerful verse!  I remember reading that verse for the first time.  It struck me that we have a God who not only acted mightily in history, and who is working out His grand plan today...but we have a God who cares about me and my little life, my little anxieties.  He's a personal God of details, not just of "THE PLAN" we always hear about.

I decided to dig a little deeper into 1 Peter 5:7.  What exactly does it mean to "cast" something on someone?  The Strong's Greek reference says that the translation of that word is "to throw upon".

Wow.

I can be a bit slow sometimes, but I think the Lord might be trying to tell me something here!

I pray.  I cry.  I beg.  I talk. I listen.  I sort of show up at His feet and I show him my worries...I tell Him all about it.  I ask for help.  

And then.

And then, I gather up my worries and go on about my day.

I don't quite lay 'em down.  I haven't yet managed to "throw upon" my anxieties...that would mean I'd actually have to LET. THEM. GO.

Why is it so very hard to surrender even the ugliness that burdens me?

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But Why?...

My little Ben is quite the thinker...but if you read this blog, then you already knew that :)

Lately, he's been asking questions that are tough for me to answer.  Heck, they're hard for me to just think about, never mind give a reasonable answer to!  

"Mommy, nothing is perfect, right?  So why do we even have the word 'perfect'?"

"Mommy, nothing is really exact.  It's impossible.  So why do we have the word 'exact'?"

Ahh, absolutes.   How to describe to a 7 year old that sometimes the absence of something can be just as descriptive as something that is?  How do you explain that some words are more of a concept or an idea...than something literal?

See...my brain hurts.  My eyes cross and my straight hair thinks about curling. This kid...he doesn't even have front teeth...how can he be thinking about this stuff?! 

But then, I was vacuuming the other day.  It's always amazing to me how I have the best talks with God during the most mundane times of my day (taking a shower, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc.).  I guess it's because my brain can check out, focus on the task at hand, and just listen.  

Suddenly, I was reminded of a time in my life when I was so confused about God and His LAW.  Have you read the Old Testament - really gone through all those intricate and laborious laws?  Holy moly!  It's IMPOSSIBLE to follow the law perfectly (there's that word again).

So why on earth would a loving God give us a law that is impossible to follow?  Why...to set us up for failure?  To force us into sin merely by making the law too heavy a burden to carry?  Does He want us feeling like failures our whole lives?  

Eventually, I had to set the issue aside and just accept that some things are beyond my understanding.  There's God.  There's His Law.  And there's me.  And, thank our good and merciful God...there is His grace.  I don't have to carry the burden of the law because he carried it for me, and that's good enough.  

But still...it's sort of been sitting in the back of my brain all these years.  Until just lately...while I was vacuuming.

It was then that I realized that my questions were a lot like the ones Ben has been asking me.  

Nothing is perfect or exact, yet we have words for thing that are impossible.  The concept or idea is real...but it cannot be literally true for humanity.  So why the concept or idea?  Maybe, just maybe, it's because perfection and precision really DOES exist.  Not in us, but in HIM.

And maybe God's law is much more than just the impossible burden it seems to be.  Maybe it's an expression of God's nature.  Exact.  Perfect.  Unchanging.  And when we felt the guilt and the burden of our imperfection...our tendency to reject God and do it our way...our sinfulness...ONLY then can we truly comprehend and really feel what mercy and grace are about.

So thank God for the impossible little words we use every day without really contemplating.  And thank God for my 7 year old who God unwittingly uses to school his old mom :-)

Some more food for thought:

~"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." (Jesus, Matthew 5:17)  Who could fulfill the law but God himself?

~"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law", Jesus replied. (Mark 10:5) If our hearts were soft toward God and His ways, the law would not have been necessary to reveal the nature of God and His ways.

~ "But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, 'this man welcomes sinners and eats with them.'" (Luke 15:2) We can have the law or we can have Jesus.  

~ "It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the least stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law." (Jesus, Luke 16:17)  The law is still in place.  Jesus' coming did not nullify the law.  Again, we can choose the law or we can choose Jesus.

~ "For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." (John 1:17)

~"Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses." (Acts 13:39)  We could not be justified because we could not follow the letter of the law exactly.

~ "Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin." (Romans 3:20)  YES!  That's what I was trying to say :)

~ "The law was added so that the trespass might increase.  But where sin increased, grace increased all the more" (Romans 5:20)  We didn't sin because of the law, rather the law revealed where we were already sinning.  And as we became aware of our sin, we could also comprehend the great grace and mercy of God.

~ "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace." (Romans 6:14) Thank God!

~ "the sinful mind is hostile to God.  It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so." (Romans 8:7)

~ "Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes." (Romans 10:4)  Righteousness not for everyone...for everyone who believes.  Big difference.  If a person doesn't believe in Jesus, then he is still under the law.

~ "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) "All" means...all.  Everyone has/will sin.  Thankfully, Jesus is for everyone and no one has to be condemned for their sinfulness.  If only they would believe...

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Where Is Seek The Lord Sunday?

For those of you who might be new to this blog - some background...about a year ago I started a meme called "Seek The Lord Sunday".  Each Sunday, I'd write on a topic of faith that had been on my heart that week, and I asked that other bloggers do the same and we could all link together to encourage and love one another.  Great idea?  I thought so.

And yet, here I sit NOT participating in my own idea!  I haven't written a Seek The Lord post in...what...months?  

It's not that I'm not still seeking Him.  It's more like I'm seeking on His terms...not my blog schedule terms :-)

I found myself feeling pressure to put something "good" up each Sunday.  So much so that if the Lord spoke to me on any other day of the week, I'd sort of put it in the back of my mind as something "I should write about on Sunday 'cause that would make a great STLS post".  A relationship with the Lord just isn't focused where it should be when it's repeatedly stuffed into a little box called "to do Sunday".

So I stopped STLS.  For the sake of being real...with Him, myself, and with you.

There it is - that's where STLS has been (if you've been wondering).  I plan to continue to write about my relationship with the Lord, and I hope it's a blessing to you.  It just won't be Sundays only any longer.

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He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

Wow.  I sit down to write this post, and this screen feels like a stranger to me.  I feel like I'm sitting down to chat with a long lost friend who I really haven't had a heart to heart with in years.  I've been absent.  My heart at least...absent.

It's been a painful month or so for me.  

Sometimes I don't know how much to share - how much to be "real" about.  So I've been avoiding this blog.  I've been avoiding writing what's on my heart.  

It's funny.  As I sit down to write about it, I realize how, from the outside at least, my struggles seem so...trivial.  Even to me.  I look back at the last month and I think, "really, THAT'S what I was so upset about?"

But it's not about the "stuff" that's happened (which is really and truly nothing).  It's about the state of my heart.  The state of my soul.

Okay, everyone together now..."Ooooo, Deeeep!"

I've felt disappointed and betrayed by God (over that silly "nothing" stuff).  And I reacted like I'm ashamed to say that I always react; not by turning to my comforter and receiving peace and healing...but by turning to God Almighty with my fist raised in anger and defiance.

What the hell are you doing?

Do you really even care?

Are you really even THERE?

This is such BS - what's the point of this pain and why aren't you DOING something?

And then I stopped talking to him all together.  And then I started crying for the loneliness and the hurt.  And then I sulked.

All the while I've heard him, "Are you ready to talk to me yet?"

NO.

"Now?  Are you going to talk about this with me?"

LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU DON'T CARE ANYWAY.

"I'm here you know.  Turning up the radio doesn't make me go away.  Let's talk."

Aww, crap.  Okay.

He's been showing me the painful truth about what I believe and (more importantly) what I don't believe.  He's been bringing me deeper with him - have you noticed how it's always a painful process to get someplace wonderful?  

Are you frustrated with my lack of details?  I'm not avoiding them - it's just that they truly don't matter.  What I've learned in the past month, however, is everything to me....it's the result...the purpose?... of my suffering.  

There are things that a person can learn with her head, and yet it's still not a truth of her heart.  Do you know what I mean?  It's sort of like when you bring that first baby home with you for the first time.  You keep thinking "I'm a mom"...and yet it takes some time for that reality to really sink in, for you to start living like it's true.  It's not until it sinks all the way down deep into your heart that you are changed from the inside out.  

So head vs. heart knowledge - I know lots of things with my head and my heart.  I know with all my being that there is a God.  I know with everything in me that he is mighty.  Capable.  Strong.  Big.  Sufficient and powerful to save me.  Majestic.  Holy.  Powerful.  

And yet....there are some things.  Some crucially important things that are still just head knowledge for me.  What has God been showing me lately that's such a revelation (you're gonna laugh - it seems that everyone can get this but me)?  It's this:

God loves me.  

Now, I can quote scripture all day long about how God loves me.  I can show evidence.  Argue a debate.  Hell, I can probably build some sort of ultra-geeky spreadsheet detailing all the ways and reasons that God loves me.

But it's all in my head.

Lately, God has been asking me to let it sink into my heart.  And I can hardly get real with him, have a conversation with him, or even spend quiet time with him...without totally bawling my eyes out.  We went to church tonight, and by the end of worship I was sweating and trembling in my fight to maintain some composure.  

He wants me.  He wants my heart - all of it.  And I'm just so friggin scared!

But I've been scared for a long time - it's the result of not really and truly trusting God.  I guess I'd rather be afraid for what he'll do in my heart than for what life will be like if I don't let him in.  Man.  Sometimes he can just be so REAL.

And so damned persistent!

As I read The Shack, there were a few passages that had me bursting into tears and running the other way:

"You cannot produce trust, just as you cannot 'do' humility.  It either is or is not.  Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved.  Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me." (p.128)

"You [do not] know deep in your heart that I love you.  You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don't know it." (p.144)

Ouch.

I've respected him.  I've revered him.  I've pursued him.  But I don't think I've ever really trusted him...because I don't trust that he loves me.

So when something bad (or even remotely disappointing) happens, I immediately get angry and defensive and even more scared.  I feel hurt because it seems that life's pains are evidence that I'm not really loved...that I'm not precious to him.

And lately, mercy upon mercies, the very One I've been shaking my fist at for the past month (and all the months before that for that matter) has been gently asking me to open another little door in my heart to him.  And I'll tell ya what - the hinges to that little door are rusty and don't want to budge!

But I want it with everything I am - I WANT to believe with my whole heart that he loves me.  I want to be able to trust him.  As I closed my eyes during worship tonight, I could feel him pressing on the walls of my heart.  I could almost feel him physically.  But yet...I resist.

Why do I DO that?

I don't know how to end this post. It doesn't have a tidy ending because, well, it's not over yet!  I'm a work in progress.  I know I need some good quality quiet and alone time where I can pray and cry and let it all out...and more importantly, let him IN.

I'm interested in hearing your stories.  How deeply do you know that God loves you.  Does the phrase "God loves me" roll off your tongue in the same casual way that "we're having pizza for dinner" does?  Or does it come bubbling out of your heart like that living water?  Do you really know it with your heart?  Either way - I'm in no position to judge.  I'm just curious.  And if you're one of the ones who has a deep down trust relationship and KNOW that God loves you with all you have...will you please tell me about how you came to know it?

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