Pruning

 

The past two years have been some of my most painful.

Have you been through a time like this...everything is just fine.  Great, even.  All seems to be in order and on track for goodness.  And then, it's as if a switch is flipped, and suddenly everything feels like it's on it's head.  You hardly know which way to look and all you can think is, "What is happening?!"

That's how it began for me.

Life was "in order and on track"...

Our oldest child had graduated from college and was doing well.  Our second oldest was almost done with college too.  Our third had her eyes set on a school in Florida.  Our youngest was absolutely killing it as a high school student and athlete.  The kids were happy and healthy - thriving.  Thank You, Lord!

Business was good to the point where my husband took a job at our beloved church - a passion project for him.  Who knows that church work doesn't pay the greatest...you don't serve at church for the money!  He was helping, serving, and absolutely loving his new role.  It's wonderful to see my guy happy and eager to go to work each day.  We adore our church family.

I was serving at church as a volunteer - growing and learning and serving.  Oh, the heart of love God's placed in me for our church family!  I could burst with it each time I walk through the doors!

We had just sold our little house and moved to our dream property on 7 acres of rolling hills, stream, and woods.  My husband had gutted the house, and re-built it to our liking.  I was so eager to get my hands in the dirt to build gardens, do landscaping, and really transform the neglected land.

All of our decisions were based on assumptions of business continuing to be good, and our bodies being able to do what they'd always been able to do...

And then the switch flipped

The company I was with changed their structure, and our income literally disappeared.  I'd built and nurtured and prayed for that business for 14 years...and it was just...gone.  I wasn't angry or bitter because business is business.  Things change.  I just wasn't expecting it, and the loss was scary because we had major financial commitments to banks and to our kids. 

We learned of the loss just weeks after moving into the new property, and a few days after signing the papers on a new work truck for my husband.

And we still had 2 1/2 kids to help through college! 

We were not willing to default.

We were not willing to tell our kids "sorry, it's on you now".

We were reeling from the change and mulling over our options when my body seemed to start breaking down.

I'd had a tenderness in my left knee for months, but it suddenly became unbearable so I headed to the doctor where I was told I had a torn meniscus.  Within just a week of that diagnosis, I was back in the doctor's office with unbearable pain in my OTHER knee. 

"What in the world are you doing?  This knee has a tear too!", the doctor told me.

I was beside myself with pain, frustration, discouragement, and confusion.

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?

I felt like a total failure as our finances and my body seemed to fall to pieces.  I was accustomed to contributing to our family in meaningful ways...and suddenly I was small and weak and needing help instead of to be a help.

Worse yet, I missed out on family fun.  I couldn't go on hikes. I sat on the sidelines while everyone played pickleball.  I had to be "dropped off at the door" instead of walking with my family. And it seemed to be snowballing...the less physical activity I did, the softer and more inflamed my body got.  The smallest activity left me hurting and exhausted.

Each week, I continued to serve at church.  One of my roles is to pray at the altar with people when the come forward for prayer.  I prayed for the healing of finances and bodies time and time again, and I saw God move.  Bodies were literally miraculously healed.  Jobs and windfalls came people's way.  Relationships healed.  Prodigals returned home.  Demons fled.  Hope was restored.  Rejection was rejected.  

I absolutely rejoiced for the goodness of God...but was definitely feeling left out and maybe rejected by God.  I prayed (and received prayer) for the same provision and healing I saw God supplying for others...but I was left suffering.

I cried out to the Lord time and time and time again..."Lord, if this is on me, please show me.  If I'm being disobedient or if I'm in sin, please show me so I can make it right!  Search my heart, Lord.  You know me inside and out.  You know me better than I know myself.  I want to be true and pure before you."

Crickets

I LONGED for discipline!  Even if it's painful for a short time, discipline from God is always in His love and gentleness.  And the best part, is that it's a turning point to get straightened out.  If I was wayward somehow, I wanted to know so I could repent and be made whole.

A sense of total defeat and dread seemed to settle on me.  I didn't know what to do. Was this just how life was going to be for me now? 

As I sobbed in the shower one day, I found myself crying out to God again, "What is happening?!"...I admit I didn't expect an answer.  My hope was gone.  I'd come to terms with "crickets" even though the silence hurt.

Through the fog of hopelessness, I heard that still, small voice of God say a single word:

"PRUNING"

The unexpected answer left me breathless as I let that word tumble through my spirit and mind for a few moments. 

I sensed the presence of the Lord like I hadn't in a long time, which made afraid to move.

I stood in His peace for a moment, and worked up my courage to ask..."Lord, can I ask?  Is it ok to ask?"

I sensed His smile on me as I came to Him as such a small and vulnerable child. So I asked...

"What are you pruning, Lord?  And could you please maybe sharpen the shears and just lop it off quickly to get this torturous process over with?"

Again, I sensed His gentleness and delight...but also a seriousness, like He was aware that this was painful for me and it wasn't something He enjoyed.  There was a sense that it was necessary work for Him to do because He loves me and wants the best for me...but it's not fun for either of us.

And then, oh the joy...an answer! (I really didn't expect Him to explain Himself to me  - I was just thrilled to be back in communication).  But He did!  He answered!

"I'm pruning you of self-sufficiency"

Oh, the explosion of understanding that overtook me!

The ways in which I'd been suffering were areas in life where I was strong.

But we are not called to be strong, are we?  In fact, we are specifically called to be weak in our own strength.  We are called to rejoice in our weaknesses because then God's strength can shine through.

That teaching can make for a nice little discussion during Bible study, but do we really think about what it means for our personal lives?  I admit, I hadn't.  Not really.

I'd prayed "More of you, less of me" countless times.  Sang the songs, even.

I'd asked Him...begged Him!... to remove anything in my life that wasn't of Him.  And now, I found myself sitting in the suffering of that answered prayer!

The ways of the world love to tell us that we need to be strong, doesn't it?  It loves to encourage us to "be your best self". It loves to celebrate strength and "making it happen" and "just do it".

But the way of the Kingdom of God tells us to be weak.

The way of the Kingdom tells us to die to self.

The way of the Kingdom celebrates submission and obedience to the Lord...even when we don't feel like it. To submit ourselves to the pruning shears even when it hurts like crazy.

How are my knees?  What about our finances?  Did we keep the house?  Is my husband still working at church? There are many more angles and aspects to the this story I long to tell, but the point of this particular writing is to encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Be encouraged in your painful seasons.

You might be experiencing loss and pain...but maybe it's actually an answer to your very own prayer for more of Him and less of you.

Maybe it's not failure or rejection at all...but the tender and gentle hand of the Father who loves you and is shaping your life to better reflect His nature and heart.  Know that you are in His love, and get your hopes up for seasons of more and more fruitfulness in your life...for your benefit, and His glory! 

xoxo Daiq

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:1-2

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

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How to Crochet a Dishcloth

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Back by popular demand: my favorite pattern for crocheting homemade dish/wash cloths!

"Natural fibers" are all the rage these days - I use a 100% cotton thread when sewing these useful (and highly gift-able!) cloths.  The thread I use can be found on Amazon here:  Cotton yarn

This pattern has excellent texture, a gap-free pattern, and shrinks fairly uniformly so the cloth tends to keep it's shape after many washes.

Here's the pattern:

Chain 34 loosely

Row 1: Dc in fourth ch from hook and in each ch across.

Row 2:  Ch 1, turn; sc in first dc, ch 2, skip next dc, sc in sp before next dc, ch 2, ** skip next 2 dc, sc in sp before next dc, ch 2; repeat from ** across to last 2 st, sc in top of beginning ch.

Row 3:  Ch 3, turn; dc in first ch-2 sp, 2 dc in each ch-2 sp across to last ch-2 sp, dc in last ch-2 sp, dc in last sc.

Repeat rows 2 and 3 until piece is approximately square.

You can leave it as is, or you can sew a border for a more finished look.  I do a simple dc border all the way around the edges, taking care to evenly space the stitches to avoid ruffling or puckering.  Sew 3 stitches in each corner to make the turn.  If the piece "cups" after making the turn, rip back to the corner and add a corner stitch.  I frequently have to do 4 stitches in the corner.

Happy sewing!

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Believe is a VERB!

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you shall go, I will counsel you with My eye upon you” Ps 32.8

Do we believe God? Do we believe Him enough to act like we believe Him?

He promises to instruct us, teach us, and counsel us.

Do we believe that enough to slow down, quiet our minds, and LISTEN?

And when we hear His guidance, do we believe enough to obey no matter what? When it seems contrary, confusing, or random…do we obey based on His goodness and faithfulness instead of constantly running it through our human filter and rejecting it if it “doesn’t make sense”?

He is good
He is kind and gentle
His thoughts are different than ours…His perspective is infinitely higher and wiser

Today’s challenge….believe Him and act like it!
 

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"Zero Compromise"

(Image created with AI...but the expression is not quite right...it should be much more stern)

 

I just had a strange experience during worship, and I sense that it's something I'm meant to share.

It was strange because I often "see/sense" Jesus during worship.  Sometimes He's standing, sometimes sitting.  Sometimes He even dances or comes so near that I can almost feel His breath.  He's sometimes exuding joy or peace...sometimes just a quiet expression of enjoyment on His face.

But today, He was serious.  So stern and serious that my little girl self rose up for a second and thought He was angry with me, and I felt myself shrinking away from Him.

"Are you mad at me?", I asked sheepishly.

As He looked at me, His eyes softened a bit and I was shocked to the point of laughter to hear the lyrics "sweet child of mine" (Guns and Roses?!!!)  No, He wasn't angry with me.  He is tender toward me.

So I asked some more about what was happening since it was so unusual.

As I looked, it was as if His eyes were laser focused on something (but I couldn't see what He was looking at).  There was something he was intensely focused on.  He leaned forward in His seat and said,

"This is a time to be very careful about avoiding deception.  Know Me.  Know My voice.  Stay close.  Many people don't know who I really am." (I could feel a grief on that last part)

And then, He called to mind a recent conversation I had with one of my children about college life.  I encouraged my child to explore and have fun, to try new things, to really stretch and grow.  "But", I said, "food, and friends, and clothes, and hairstyles are all fun...but it's important that you hold fast to the truth of Jesus.  You must allow for zero compromise in the things of God."

"ZERO COMPROMISE" rang like a bell in my ear.

And then, there was grief again, "So many don't know who I really am".

There was one final shift.  He called to my memory a very vivid dream I had about 3 1/2 years ago.  In the dream, I looked out a window and I saw God the Father strolling casually (sort of casually pacing) in my back yard, and every now and then He'd lift His arm and look at the watch on His wrist...all while continuing to casually stroll. I asked Jesus what was happening, and He replied, "He's the Keeper of time".  I understood that not even Jesus really knew the "time"...only the Keeper of time.

But this time, as I looked, the Father stopped dead in His tracks and was inspecting His watch VERY intently.  It was almost like he was counting the seconds.  There was no causal stroll, no casual glance.  He was watching as if every single little millisecond counts.

As Jesus shared all of this with me, I had the sense that He was entrusting something to my care and that I should not delay in acting.  

My takeaways:
1. I was supposed to share this
2. It's a uniquely intense time in the spirit
3. The church must allow ZERO compromise in the things of God - this is not a time to entertain or worry about numbers.  The Gospel of Jesus.  The person of Jesus.  Worship in Spirit and truth.  People must know the truth of who Jesus is... to their salvation and His glory.
4. We must be on guard agains deception
5.  God is the Keeper of time - we don't have to worry about it...but we should watch and be wise about discerning the times.  Milliseconds matter. 

Stay close to His heart, brothers and sisters.  Be in your Bible every single day.  Worship in spirit and truth.  Get into that secret place with Him like your life depends on it.  Share the gospel and love people well...with zero compromise!

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What's In Your Hand?

 This single sentence stopped me cold today as I read.

“What is that in your hand?” Exodus4:2

There Moses was, minding his own business and caring for the flock. Just a guy, his staff, and a flock of sheep.

Suddenly, God Himself shows up and calls Moses to do something out of the ordinary.

Moses doubts himself and his ability to do what God’s asking. God replies by asking “what’s in your hand?”

I can imagine Moses’s indifferent shrug as he holds out the ordinary staff that he’s carried every day for years.

God takes that simple thing and adds His miraculous to it.

How often do we sense that God is asking something of us, and we reply with “sure as soon as you put something amazing on me, I’ll get right to work”

We wait for everything to look perfect. We wait for the perfect set up. We wait for our skills and our tools to look more incredible than anything anyone else has.

This is how we will know that we are gifted, right?… When all the earthly and human signs point toward guaranteed greatness.

But that’s not how it worked for Moses. God did not give him a special robe. He did not give him a new and upgraded embellished staff. He did not put Moses in a place of authority in Egypt.

By all outward signs, it did not look like a good opportunity for Moses to be successful.

He was still just a guy holding that ordinary staff.

Have you been waiting?

Have you been waiting for the perfect set up? The perfect opportunity? For all circumstances to be aligned perfectly for your best chance at success?

Have you been waiting for your ordinary life and skills to look and feel extraordinary before you take your next step?

I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to work. Walking by faith is the opposite of walking by sight.

We are called to step out and do what God asks us to do well before it seems like a good idea by human standards.

So friend, what is in your hand today?

I encourage you to use the ordinary things of your life in the way that God is asking you to, and to count on Him to add His miraculous power to it for His Glory.

Say “yes”… Knowing full well that you are 100% dependent on God showing up

Say “yes“ to that impossible looking opportunity

Take a step out onto the water

Count on God to drop mana from the sky

Shout at the walls and expect them to fall

Go into battle frighteningly outnumbered

Expect God to fulfill every single promise He’s made

When we see God as faithful and generous, He sees us as full of faith and He is honored

All things…ALL… are possible with Him

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