Pruning

 

The past two years have been some of my most painful.

Have you been through a time like this...everything is just fine.  Great, even.  All seems to be in order and on track for goodness.  And then, it's as if a switch is flipped, and suddenly everything feels like it's on it's head.  You hardly know which way to look and all you can think is, "What is happening?!"

That's how it began for me.

Life was "in order and on track"...

Our oldest child had graduated from college and was doing well.  Our second oldest was almost done with college too.  Our third had her eyes set on a school in Florida.  Our youngest was absolutely killing it as a high school student and athlete.  The kids were happy and healthy - thriving.  Thank You, Lord!

Business was good to the point where my husband took a job at our beloved church - a passion project for him.  Who knows that church work doesn't pay the greatest...you don't serve at church for the money!  He was helping, serving, and absolutely loving his new role.  It's wonderful to see my guy happy and eager to go to work each day.  We adore our church family.

I was serving at church as a volunteer - growing and learning and serving.  Oh, the heart of love God's placed in me for our church family!  I could burst with it each time I walk through the doors!

We had just sold our little house and moved to our dream property on 7 acres of rolling hills, stream, and woods.  My husband had gutted the house, and re-built it to our liking.  I was so eager to get my hands in the dirt to build gardens, do landscaping, and really transform the neglected land.

All of our decisions were based on assumptions of business continuing to be good, and our bodies being able to do what they'd always been able to do...

And then the switch flipped

The company I was with changed their structure, and our income literally disappeared.  I'd built and nurtured and prayed for that business for 14 years...and it was just...gone.  I wasn't angry or bitter because business is business.  Things change.  I just wasn't expecting it, and the loss was scary because we had major financial commitments to banks and to our kids. 

We learned of the loss just weeks after moving into the new property, and a few days after signing the papers on a new work truck for my husband.

And we still had 2 1/2 kids to help through college! 

We were not willing to default.

We were not willing to tell our kids "sorry, it's on you now".

We were reeling from the change and mulling over our options when my body seemed to start breaking down.

I'd had a tenderness in my left knee for months, but it suddenly became unbearable so I headed to the doctor where I was told I had a torn meniscus.  Within just a week of that diagnosis, I was back in the doctor's office with unbearable pain in my OTHER knee. 

"What in the world are you doing?  This knee has a tear too!", the doctor told me.

I was beside myself with pain, frustration, discouragement, and confusion.

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?

I felt like a total failure as our finances and my body seemed to fall to pieces.  I was accustomed to contributing to our family in meaningful ways...and suddenly I was small and weak and needing help instead of to be a help.

Worse yet, I missed out on family fun.  I couldn't go on hikes. I sat on the sidelines while everyone played pickleball.  I had to be "dropped off at the door" instead of walking with my family. And it seemed to be snowballing...the less physical activity I did, the softer and more inflamed my body got.  The smallest activity left me hurting and exhausted.

Each week, I continued to serve at church.  One of my roles is to pray at the altar with people when the come forward for prayer.  I prayed for the healing of finances and bodies time and time again, and I saw God move.  Bodies were literally miraculously healed.  Jobs and windfalls came people's way.  Relationships healed.  Prodigals returned home.  Demons fled.  Hope was restored.  Rejection was rejected.  

I absolutely rejoiced for the goodness of God...but was definitely feeling left out and maybe rejected by God.  I prayed (and received prayer) for the same provision and healing I saw God supplying for others...but I was left suffering.

I cried out to the Lord time and time and time again..."Lord, if this is on me, please show me.  If I'm being disobedient or if I'm in sin, please show me so I can make it right!  Search my heart, Lord.  You know me inside and out.  You know me better than I know myself.  I want to be true and pure before you."

Crickets

I LONGED for discipline!  Even if it's painful for a short time, discipline from God is always in His love and gentleness.  And the best part, is that it's a turning point to get straightened out.  If I was wayward somehow, I wanted to know so I could repent and be made whole.

A sense of total defeat and dread seemed to settle on me.  I didn't know what to do. Was this just how life was going to be for me now? 

As I sobbed in the shower one day, I found myself crying out to God again, "What is happening?!"...I admit I didn't expect an answer.  My hope was gone.  I'd come to terms with "crickets" even though the silence hurt.

Through the fog of hopelessness, I heard that still, small voice of God say a single word:

"PRUNING"

The unexpected answer left me breathless as I let that word tumble through my spirit and mind for a few moments. 

I sensed the presence of the Lord like I hadn't in a long time, which made afraid to move.

I stood in His peace for a moment, and worked up my courage to ask..."Lord, can I ask?  Is it ok to ask?"

I sensed His smile on me as I came to Him as such a small and vulnerable child. So I asked...

"What are you pruning, Lord?  And could you please maybe sharpen the shears and just lop it off quickly to get this torturous process over with?"

Again, I sensed His gentleness and delight...but also a seriousness, like He was aware that this was painful for me and it wasn't something He enjoyed.  There was a sense that it was necessary work for Him to do because He loves me and wants the best for me...but it's not fun for either of us.

And then, oh the joy...an answer! (I really didn't expect Him to explain Himself to me  - I was just thrilled to be back in communication).  But He did!  He answered!

"I'm pruning you of self-sufficiency"

Oh, the explosion of understanding that overtook me!

The ways in which I'd been suffering were areas in life where I was strong.

But we are not called to be strong, are we?  In fact, we are specifically called to be weak in our own strength.  We are called to rejoice in our weaknesses because then God's strength can shine through.

That teaching can make for a nice little discussion during Bible study, but do we really think about what it means for our personal lives?  I admit, I hadn't.  Not really.

I'd prayed "More of you, less of me" countless times.  Sang the songs, even.

I'd asked Him...begged Him!... to remove anything in my life that wasn't of Him.  And now, I found myself sitting in the suffering of that answered prayer!

The ways of the world love to tell us that we need to be strong, doesn't it?  It loves to encourage us to "be your best self". It loves to celebrate strength and "making it happen" and "just do it".

But the way of the Kingdom of God tells us to be weak.

The way of the Kingdom tells us to die to self.

The way of the Kingdom celebrates submission and obedience to the Lord...even when we don't feel like it. To submit ourselves to the pruning shears even when it hurts like crazy.

How are my knees?  What about our finances?  Did we keep the house?  Is my husband still working at church? There are many more angles and aspects to the this story I long to tell, but the point of this particular writing is to encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Be encouraged in your painful seasons.

You might be experiencing loss and pain...but maybe it's actually an answer to your very own prayer for more of Him and less of you.

Maybe it's not failure or rejection at all...but the tender and gentle hand of the Father who loves you and is shaping your life to better reflect His nature and heart.  Know that you are in His love, and get your hopes up for seasons of more and more fruitfulness in your life...for your benefit, and His glory! 

xoxo Daiq

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:1-2

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

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"Zero Compromise"

(Image created with AI...but the expression is not quite right...it should be much more stern)

 

I just had a strange experience during worship, and I sense that it's something I'm meant to share.

It was strange because I often "see/sense" Jesus during worship.  Sometimes He's standing, sometimes sitting.  Sometimes He even dances or comes so near that I can almost feel His breath.  He's sometimes exuding joy or peace...sometimes just a quiet expression of enjoyment on His face.

But today, He was serious.  So stern and serious that my little girl self rose up for a second and thought He was angry with me, and I felt myself shrinking away from Him.

"Are you mad at me?", I asked sheepishly.

As He looked at me, His eyes softened a bit and I was shocked to the point of laughter to hear the lyrics "sweet child of mine" (Guns and Roses?!!!)  No, He wasn't angry with me.  He is tender toward me.

So I asked some more about what was happening since it was so unusual.

As I looked, it was as if His eyes were laser focused on something (but I couldn't see what He was looking at).  There was something he was intensely focused on.  He leaned forward in His seat and said,

"This is a time to be very careful about avoiding deception.  Know Me.  Know My voice.  Stay close.  Many people don't know who I really am." (I could feel a grief on that last part)

And then, He called to mind a recent conversation I had with one of my children about college life.  I encouraged my child to explore and have fun, to try new things, to really stretch and grow.  "But", I said, "food, and friends, and clothes, and hairstyles are all fun...but it's important that you hold fast to the truth of Jesus.  You must allow for zero compromise in the things of God."

"ZERO COMPROMISE" rang like a bell in my ear.

And then, there was grief again, "So many don't know who I really am".

There was one final shift.  He called to my memory a very vivid dream I had about 3 1/2 years ago.  In the dream, I looked out a window and I saw God the Father strolling casually (sort of casually pacing) in my back yard, and every now and then He'd lift His arm and look at the watch on His wrist...all while continuing to casually stroll. I asked Jesus what was happening, and He replied, "He's the Keeper of time".  I understood that not even Jesus really knew the "time"...only the Keeper of time.

But this time, as I looked, the Father stopped dead in His tracks and was inspecting His watch VERY intently.  It was almost like he was counting the seconds.  There was no causal stroll, no casual glance.  He was watching as if every single little millisecond counts.

As Jesus shared all of this with me, I had the sense that He was entrusting something to my care and that I should not delay in acting.  

My takeaways:
1. I was supposed to share this
2. It's a uniquely intense time in the spirit
3. The church must allow ZERO compromise in the things of God - this is not a time to entertain or worry about numbers.  The Gospel of Jesus.  The person of Jesus.  Worship in Spirit and truth.  People must know the truth of who Jesus is... to their salvation and His glory.
4. We must be on guard agains deception
5.  God is the Keeper of time - we don't have to worry about it...but we should watch and be wise about discerning the times.  Milliseconds matter. 

Stay close to His heart, brothers and sisters.  Be in your Bible every single day.  Worship in spirit and truth.  Get into that secret place with Him like your life depends on it.  Share the gospel and love people well...with zero compromise!

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What's In Your Hand?

 This single sentence stopped me cold today as I read.

“What is that in your hand?” Exodus4:2

There Moses was, minding his own business and caring for the flock. Just a guy, his staff, and a flock of sheep.

Suddenly, God Himself shows up and calls Moses to do something out of the ordinary.

Moses doubts himself and his ability to do what God’s asking. God replies by asking “what’s in your hand?”

I can imagine Moses’s indifferent shrug as he holds out the ordinary staff that he’s carried every day for years.

God takes that simple thing and adds His miraculous to it.

How often do we sense that God is asking something of us, and we reply with “sure as soon as you put something amazing on me, I’ll get right to work”

We wait for everything to look perfect. We wait for the perfect set up. We wait for our skills and our tools to look more incredible than anything anyone else has.

This is how we will know that we are gifted, right?… When all the earthly and human signs point toward guaranteed greatness.

But that’s not how it worked for Moses. God did not give him a special robe. He did not give him a new and upgraded embellished staff. He did not put Moses in a place of authority in Egypt.

By all outward signs, it did not look like a good opportunity for Moses to be successful.

He was still just a guy holding that ordinary staff.

Have you been waiting?

Have you been waiting for the perfect set up? The perfect opportunity? For all circumstances to be aligned perfectly for your best chance at success?

Have you been waiting for your ordinary life and skills to look and feel extraordinary before you take your next step?

I don’t think that’s the way it’s supposed to work. Walking by faith is the opposite of walking by sight.

We are called to step out and do what God asks us to do well before it seems like a good idea by human standards.

So friend, what is in your hand today?

I encourage you to use the ordinary things of your life in the way that God is asking you to, and to count on Him to add His miraculous power to it for His Glory.

Say “yes”… Knowing full well that you are 100% dependent on God showing up

Say “yes“ to that impossible looking opportunity

Take a step out onto the water

Count on God to drop mana from the sky

Shout at the walls and expect them to fall

Go into battle frighteningly outnumbered

Expect God to fulfill every single promise He’s made

When we see God as faithful and generous, He sees us as full of faith and He is honored

All things…ALL… are possible with Him

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If Something Can Steal Your Joy...

 

This quote from yesterday's sermon was like a gut-punch that just keeps sticking with me: "If something can steal your joy, it's become an idol in your life".

I literally gasped when he spoke the words.

All at once, I had a crystal clear picture of what the Lord's been doing in my life this past year. 

He's been stripping me of idols!

Scenes from the last 18 months play through my mind like a movie:

... a business I'd built for 14 years: just **poof** gone

... that business was our family's bread and butter, and we'd just signed on a new house 

...  my health went bonkers - a torn meniscus in each knee, hormones going crazy, and kidney stones so big they had to be surgically removed. Weariness, exhaustion, and so so SO much physical pain.

... a couple relationships that I was heavily invested in...my heart was WAY out there trusting some people...and it came crashing down in hurt and disappointment

... plans and promises that seemed like a sure thing - stuff I was looking forward to, dreaming about, and feeling wildly excited about...wound up being a dead end that left me feeling directionless, purposeless, and discarded..."demoted" is a word I kept thinking about in that tough season of disappointment

I suffered with times of fear and grief

But I also felt sincere and abiding joy.  My husband even commented that the "Daiquiri from a few years ago would never have walked through the last 18 months the way you did".   This is only because the Lord Himself walked me through it


Along the way, the Lord was faithful to be whispering in my ear and meeting with me in worship.

"Forgive", He whispered


I chose to be relentless about forgiveness because, well, He said so...and also because I know how dangerous it can be when forgiveness turns into bitterness.  Even so, a root of bitterness took hold... So the Lord delivered me from it like only He can.  

"Trust in Me instead of physicians", He instructed
(2 Chronicles 16:12)

So I learned to speak His Word over the "diagnosis" and "prognosis" from the doctor.  As I vocalized the promise of healing for my body roughly 100 times a day, the finished work of the Cross was applied to my throbbing knees, and I was healed.

My kidneys...well that was a lesson learned the hard way for me.  I listened to the doctor and believed every word she said about the pain I was in for if I didn't have surgery.  I got scared, and booked the surgery immediately.  

As I writhed in pain the night of surgery, no pain medicine seemed to touch the searing pain in my body.  


I cried out to Him, "Where are you?!  Please help!"


"Who said you needed surgery?" was His reply


All at once, I realized I'd never even asked Him about surgery for my kidneys!  I trusted Him for my knees, saw Him work a miracle, and then just jumped right back to trusting the doctor!


I'm not against medical intervention - God gives us doctors to help us.  But HE is the GREAT PHYSICIAN...He is the One who is our "primary provider".  And with my kidneys, I didn't so much as get His opinion.  


I apologized, and His grace and mercy and peace flooded me.  Lesson learned!


"Remember Who I Am",  He whispered as I received the heart-pounding news that my business was just dissolved.


The budgetary math was absolutely not adding up.  The payments FAR outweigh(ed) the income.


Panic threatened to overtake me - as my thoughts spiraled, He met me there again and said more loudly, "Remember Who I Am".

As I grieved and cried one day, I asked the Lord what was happening.  

"Pruning", He replied


"Can I be so bold as to ask what exactly you're pruning?", I asked


"I'm pruning you of Self-Sufficiency", He whispered


And oh, how those pruning shears stung!


The bottom line...I am not provider or planner in my life. He is.


He is the keeper of time, resources, and keys to the doors.  Not me.


As a "strong and independent" business woman, I was relying on my own wits.  My own wisdom.  My own "make it happen" abilities.


People
Plans
Promises (from humans)
Resources
Health


These are some of the areas of my life I was finding joy in...and when they left, broke, changed, and disappointed...my joy was affected.


The way of the world teaches us that all these things are fine and good....important, even.


And when they're rooted in Christ, the ARE good.


But when they're so important to me that they have the power of joy and/or despair over me...that's a signal that they've taken on a life of their own.


It's a signal that I've placed those things on the throne in my life that is reserved ONLY for the King.


"If something can steal your joy, it's become an idol".  May it never be so again!


Thank you, Lord...for clearing the throne room of my heart of anything I'd valued or trusted above you.  Thank you for your gentle and swift hand in the pruning and shaping...and for being so near to hold and carry me through the painful parts.  Thank you for the precious people in my life.  Thank you for the plans you have for me.  Thank you for the way you take such beautiful and supernatural care of me.  Thank you for YOUR promises.  Let your ways be obvious in my life...to your glory and honor forever!  

 

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Contentment

 

If I were able to instantly translate one major life lesson to my children so they could just "know" it instead of having to learn it...it might be the lesson of being content.

To be truly peacefully content in this day and age is no small feat.

I suppose this day and age is really no different than any other - there has always been a human drive to grow and innovate...a drive for "more" and "better".  It's a good thing if we manage that urge instead of letting it manage us.

But oh, the longing for the next thing...the looking ahead to the point of missing what's right in front of me...there's no mystery why the Lord calls us to a heart posture of contentedness.  

Truly, without contentment, I live my life in a way where I miss so much of the goodness right in front of me as I wish my life away for some imagined future.  Can you relate?

There really is "Great Gain" to be found in Godliness + Contentment.  My own life is a series of reminders of this truth.

It seems that every single major transition in my life was released by God ONLY after I'd settled into a truly content state of mind, body, and spirit.  

It's sort of like swimming (bear with me).  I can swim and strive and kick and PUSH against the current and waves...or I can just flip on my back and breathe.

I admit, much of my life has been spent "swimming"/striving...only to be left exhausted, weary, and disappointed...feeling like a failure and a disappointment...feeling like maybe God Himself had abandoned me.

It's not that He ever abandoned me...it's just that I didn't leave room for Him in all the "ME" I was focused on:  My plan, My goal, My dream, My effort, My work, My earning MY LIFE. 

In His goodness, He gives me the freedom and choice to go ahead and do "MY" thing.   

I'm reminded of the innumerable times one of my children would demand to "do it myself"...so I would step back and let them give it a go.  In my wisdom, I could see clearly that they were headed toward frustration, but it was something they had to learn.  Eventually, their little shoulders would slump a little in defeat, and they'd turn their sweet face toward me and sheepishly ask for my help.

They were met each time with my joy and love and eager willingness to help them.  We would do it together...as designed.

Isn't is the same with us and our Father?  Now that I'm in my 50's, I might FINALLY be letting go of my stubborn need to "do it myself".  I imagine that's a welcome relief to God!

As designed...we are meant to "do it together"

I find myself in a strange waiting place recently. 

I'm not sure where I'm going.  I'm not sure how to prepare.  It feels a little bit like the work I'm engaged in is...silly and pointless.

The Lord recently whispered a reminder in my ear of another time I felt this way.

We were expecting our 3rd child, and we were busting at the seams in our tiny little house.  So we decided it was time to move.  We contacted a realtor and looked and looked and looked at houses.  We made offers on several of them.  We narrowed down school districts and floor plans.  We KNEW what we wanted....but absolutely nothing would work out.  

Finally, as the time to deliver our sweet baby drew nearer, we decided to abandon the search.  Clearly, it was not meant to be, and we were exhausted and frustrated.  

Instead, we decided to spruce up our tiny little house and make the best of it.  Instead of using money to buy a new house, we took that money and replaced carpet, painted drab walls, and bought some furniture that made our small space more manageable.  

It was a sweet time.  It was a season of true contentment as we enjoyed the abundance right in front of us.

We were no longer looking for a bigger house...but one day it fell in our laps.  Even bigger than we'd been looking for.  In the right neighborhood. Near friends.  In a great school district.  

The problem?  It cost more than the previous houses we'd made offers on, which the bank wouldn't finance for us.  And there had been no increase in our income.  There was zero reason to expect we could get "the yellow house".

Well, guess what?  We got the yellow house!

And the home we were in sold the first day it hit the market for $40K MORE than we were asking after a bidding war ensued. 

The yellow house is such a place of sweet childhood memories for all our kids.  What a blessing and a gift it was!

To this day...I really don't have an explanation for how it happened so easily except to say that the hand of God's favor is very real indeed.

[Side note...the yellow house did NOT look the way I wanted it to.  I really did not love the canary yellow color, and was so eager to paint it.  We never did paint it though - we never had the money to do so - there's a lesson here on beautiful blessings not always looking the way we want/expect ;-) ]

The yellow house story is just one of many stories like this in my life.  A deep and peaceful season of contentment preceded every major turning point in my life...meeting my husband, having children, starting a business, moving across the country, moving to our dream home...

And I feel a call to a new season of good stewardship and contentment this very moment.

But notice it is not ONLY contentment that leads to "great gain".  It's contentment WITH godliness.  

It's a peaceful waiting WITH God.

It's rooted in a deep trust of who He is.  How good He is.  How faithful He is. 

So I will settle in. 

I will take care of my home. 

I will love my people. 

I will sort, organize, and tidy.

I will make yummy meals for my husband and youngest child, the only one still "in the nest".

I will learn and grow and enjoy as interests pique my interest.

I will worship and pray and lean into the heart of God, who has always been so sweet and kind to me.

And I'll rejoice when the next "yellow house" is placed in my life...even if it doesn't look exactly how I'd like it to.

BUT EVEN IF nothing "good, better, great" comes next... even if I'm in this season of contentment with godliness until the day I leave this body...


...well, I can't think of a better way to spend the rest of my days.

So here's to resting.  Here's to laying down striving and grinding and comparing.  Here's to just floating on the current...breathing...and trusting Him to be the excellent and loving God He is.

Thank you, Lord, for being utterly faithful and good to me all the days of my life.  Even in hard and painful seasons, you showed yourself to be patient and gentle and kind.  You showed yourself to be GOOD in every sense of the word.  Thank you for teaching me how beautiful it is to simply rest in your abundance...YOU are enough...YOU are more than what I need for all goodness and joy.  I choose this day to rest in you...to trust in you...to rejoice in the goodness that is this life, right now.  I look forward to whatever you have in store for me...whether it looks the way I want or not...because I know that you are good and capable to work all things together for ultimate good and for your glory.  Let it be, Lord.  I love you. ❤️ 

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Healing and the Heart of God

 

Thinking, praying, and studying the work of God in our physical healing...so much to consider

Some teach that the healing of our physical bodies is part of the gospel message Jesus came to deliver and fulfill.  Surely, it can't be argued that He was against healing given the vast number of times He healed in the New Testament.  I can't think of a single place in scripture when a sick person came to Him for healing and was turned away disappointed. These teachers will pray bold prayers, and are sometimes accused of being TOO bold, too presumptuous, maybe even arrogant or "bossing" God around.

Others teach that physical healing is for days long past - only for the very early church as they established that first row of stones placed firmly on the cornerstone of Jesus Himself.  These teachers will pray prayers that ask God for help in suffering well.  Maybe, in a time of desperation, they'll cry out to God for healing...but these prayers are generally faithless.  They don't really have hope for healing because their theology tells them "no" before they even ask.

And then there's the compromise...the moderate teachers.  These would say that God CAN always heal, but it's not always His WILL to heal.  They teach a mash-up theology that consists of part Biblical truth, and part physical/earthly experience.  Personally, I've encountered this teaching most often.  These folks' prayers always sound a bit like a hedged bet.  They'll pray for healing..."but only if it's your will, God".

These contradicting teachings have been spinning in my mind the past few weeks as I've dealt with some of my own health issues (nothing major). 

As always, I go to the Lord with my questions.  Often, before the question is even out of my mouth, the answer comes in the form of Scripture.  

The first that He highlighted is Matthew 8:17:

"This happened so that what was spoken through Isaiah the prophet would be fulfilled: "He Himself took our illnesses and carried away our diseases."

He took our illnesses and diseases and "carried them away".  

The Lord whispered in my ear..."then what?  are you suggesting He carried them away only to bring them back and hand them back to you?"

This suggestion literally made me laugh out loud!

He then asked, "Do I do things that I don't want to do?  If I didn't want to remove illness and disease from you, why would I carry them away? I conquered illness and disease because I came to destroy all the works of the devil.  Illness and disease are of the devil, not of me."

Oh Lord, forgive me for ascribing the works of the evil one to you!

The next scripture God brought me to was Isaiah 53:5:

"He was pierced for our offenses, He was crushed for our wrongdoings; The punishment for our well-being was laid upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

All the suffering...from Judas's betrayal, the agony in the garden, the lashes that nearly skinned Him alive, the crown of thorns, the beard pulling, the humiliation, the spitting and ridicule, the abandonment, the spikes through His hands and feet...NONE of it was wasted.  It was ALL for our good.

Not a single speck of Jesus's suffering was because He deserved it.  It was 100% OUR suffering that He endured.  

God is perfectly just... He endured all the suffering necessary to be able to say "paid in full"...but not a single bit more.  NONE of it was wasted.

The result?  "By His wounds, we are healed."

The next Scripture God led me to was Ecclesiastes 3.

This is the famous "a time for everything" chapter in the Bible. 

There's a time for everything...for every activity under the heavens.

to be born, to die

to plant, to uproot

to kill, to heal

a time to tear down, to build

to weep, and laugh

to mourn, and dance

I'll let you read the full chapter - it's pretty all encompassing.

As I read, I thought that the Lord was trying to show me that there's a "time to die".  Certainly, no one is arguing the truth that our bodies reach their earthly end.

But the Lord corrected me with, "isn't it interesting that there's no mention of 'a time to be sick, and a time to be healthy'?"

I had to read the chapter through a few more times to be sure!

As I considered this interesting point, the Bible played like a movie in my mind...countless times when God healed His people!

As already mentioned, Jesus healed everyone who asked.

After He ascended, His church went on to heal many sick (and in some pretty creative ways!)

But this isn't a New Testament only teaching...the Old Testament is full of God healing too.

Do a quick web search of "healing in Scripture", and you'll have quite a list! (Here's a good list)

I read, and read, and read some more.

WHY was it so hard for me to fully embrace the idea that not only is God able to heal, but that He always WANTS to heal?

There was a battle in my mind...

...a battle between what I can see clearly written in God's Word and my physical experiences and perceptions

...a battle between various types of teaching I've been exposed to

...a battle between what I WANT truth to be and what I see with my own eyes in the flesh

I was done studying. 

It was time to simply surrender and to submit myself to the Lord in this area.

My prayer was "God, I need Your truth.  I know what I want, but I don't want my own desires.  I want the TRUTH of You even if it turns my desires upside down.  Please transform me into someone who can fearlessly accept the pure truth of Your Word without first filtering it through my earthly experiences.  And Lord, I know that there is no "time for sickness" in Ecclesiastes, but I can't build a theology based on what's NOT in your Word!  Please give me Your heart for healing, and give me eyes to see and ears to hear.  Please settle this for me once and for all with a deep heart and mind and soul knowledge of You."

And oh, His sweet answer wrecked me.

He said simply, "I CAUSED ADAM TO SLEEP"

Oh, I weep even as I type this memory!

I've read Genesis 2:21 a hundred times:

"So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place"

 

As I read it with fresh eyes, the overwhelming tenderness and mercy of God for humanity struck me.

He caused Adam to sleep.

Do you see it?  Do you see the tenderness?  Do you see His gentle heart and hand?  His consideration of Adam, His precious creation? Him gently tucking Adam in for a deep sleep while God worked a mighty new thing with Adams flesh?

All at once the idea that God would will (want/choose) to put disease and pain on His beloved bride seems utterly preposterous. 

He is good

He is kind

He is gentle

He is faithful

Do I 100% get it now?  Nope

I still have questions about times I've seen/experiences suffering...

I've seen unanswered prayers

I've seen untimely deaths

I've seen unspeakable pain and loss

But today...I also see more clearly the heart of God for us. 

It is NOT His desire that we be sick or diseased or in pain.

This contradiction between the Heart of God revealed in Scripture and our experiences in the flesh leaves me with questions.  But, at the end of the day, the Word of God stands true.  My "experiences" don't negate a single part of the Word.

I think this is where many theologians would shrug and utter something profound about "mysteries" 

I feel a tug in my spirit as the Lord asks me to trust Him.

Yes, Lord, I trust you.  Thank you for bowing so low to speak to this daughter of yours.  Thank you for sharing Your heart with me.  Thank you for being so gentle, tender, loving, and kind...and also mighty and powerful.  Thank you that your thoughts are so much higher than mine, and that you work everything to my ultimate good.  Thank you that you hold me in your hand, and that you dwell even within me.  Come what may, I will trust your beautiful heart for me.  I believe and trust what your Word says.  Thank you for carrying sickness and disease away from me.  Thank you for providing for my freedom.  Lord, please move in power by your Holy Spirit to free me of any sickness, disease, fear, curse, or injury that seeks to do me harm.  Thank you God, for the power of the blood of Jesus. Thank you for providing "it is FINISHED".  Please apply ALL the finished work of the Cross to my mind, my soul, my body, and my family in your perfect timing.  Amen

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There Is No "If"

The past few days have been especially hard for me.  Who am I kidding...the past few weeks...months...years even. They've been hard as I struggle with physical pain in my body.

The doctor tells me that I have a torn meniscus in each knee. This is the first time I've dealt with chronic pain like this.  It hurts when I walk.  It hurts when I rest.  It even hurts to the point of me shouting out in pain in the middle of the night.

It wasn't very long ago that I would have simply booked a surgical appointment and had them both repaired.  That's the reasonable course of action, right?

But I had an unsettled feeling in my heart from the beginning as I contemplated surgery.  Of course, I don't love the idea of surgical pain.  I don't love the idea of the financial cost.  But most of all, I felt the prompting of the Lord to "hold"... to simply wait.

So I wait.  And I suffer.  And I miss long walks with my husband.  I miss hiking through the woods and working in my yard. 

Waiting doesn't make sense to my logical brain. 

In fact, I woke one day with certainty in my heart about having surgery - I felt peaceful and excited to put the pain behind me and get back to exercising and getting fit. But based on my previous certainty to wait, I asked the Lord to confirm this new decision to move forward with surgery.  Boy, did He deliver on that request quickly!  

I opened the Word that morning to the genealogy of Jesus in the first chapter of Matthew.  I read every word at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and my eye settled on the name "Asa".  I could not read past his name, so I dug into the story of King Asa. The punchline is found in 2 Chronicles 16:12-13:

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa became diseased in his feet.  His disease was severe, yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians.  So Asa slept with his fathers having died in the forty-first year of his reign."

My jaw pretty much hit the floor!  And I was frustrated and SO mad!  I wanted the pain gone.  I wanted to seek the physicians.  And frankly, in many areas of my life, I DO seek physicians with no conflict of conscience.  I take prescription medicines.  I've had surgery.  I've been greatly blessed by healing provided by God through physicians' hands.

But the message was clear - the Lord was asking me to wait and seek Him in this.  I was super irritated.

Eventually, I decided to settle into hope.  

For a while, I was eager in the painful waiting.  I figured that God must have something better in store for me.  Why else would He ask me to wait?

And wow, the Lord has absolutely knocked my socks off the past couple years.  The Bible tells us that followers of Jesus will see signs...believers in Jesus "will cast out devils, they'll speak in new tongues, they'll take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." (Mark 16:17-18)

I'm here to testify -- this scriptural promise still stands to this day!

I've seen it with my own eyes.  I've seen demons flee as I pray.  I've experienced speaking in new tongues.  I've laid hands on the sick, and they've recovered.  Glory to God!!

(Admittedly, I've not taken up snakes or sipped on anything deadly...not exactly seeking those things out haha!)

I've seen cancer healed.

I've seen torn ligaments in shoulders healed.

I've seen chronic and debilitating back pain vanish.

I've seen addicts instantly delivered and healed...they're not recovering, they're healed.

And most recently (and ironically)...a woman at church just walked up to me TWO DAYS ago, and she was giddy to share with me:

"Daiquiri!  I want you to know that when you prayed for my knee last month, God healed me!  He HEALED me!  He actually healed me!  I had a torn meniscus in my knee...and it's totally healed now!"

I rejoiced with her.  "Thank You, God, for healing my precious sister.  Thank You for the honor of being Your hands and feet in praying for her.  You're amazing!" 

We celebrated together, and then I said "you wanna hear a crazy coincidence? I have a torn meniscus in each of my knees.  Would you pray for me now?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and prayed for our good God to do for me just what He did for her.  Surely, this was it?  Surely this was the day of my miracle?

Apparently not.  I limped away from that encounter feeling rejected and heartbroken.

Later the very next day (yesterday), a woman asked me to pray for her.  She had terrible pain in her back.  I laid my hands on her in faith.  I believe that Jesus is who He says He is, and that He does what He says He will do.

She felt no improvement in her pain.  Her sad blue eyes pierced me as she said "I know He's a healer.  Why isn't He healing me?"

It cut me to the quick.  My heart broke with and for her because I KNOW the pain in that question.

As I stood and worshiped the Lord yesterday, tears streamed down my cheeks and wet the front of my shirt.  I felt utterly rejected and hurt.  The pain in my knees paled in comparison to the heart-sick feeling I had that maybe I wasn't loved very much after all.

I KNOW that my feelings are real, but they're not always TRUE.  

I fight to take my thoughts and feelings captive and to bend them to conform to the Truth of Jesus.

I speak "It is written..." over myself as I fight the pull of the black hole that is emotional turmoil.

Thank God for His written Word!

And even more, I thank God for the written Word's revelation of the living Word, Jesus.

So I went straight to the written Word this morning for comfort and an emotional "re-set".  I'm not going to wallow in lies for another day.  This is the day the Lord has made, and I WILL be glad!  Teach me, Lord!

The Lord led me Matthew 12:36-39 when Jesus scolded people who were insisting on a sign.  He said, "An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign..."

My breath caught in my chest.
My heart seemed to beat louder than normal.
My ears rang in the profound silence that surrounded me.

Jesus was talking about ME in this verse!

Yes, "signs" will follow those who believe.

But I've been seeking His hand more than His heart.

Worse, I've been seeking His hand as PROOF of His heart.

Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry!

The scribes and Pharisees sought a sign...with impure intent:  

"IF You are who You say You are, then show us a sign.
Prove Yourself to us.
Do what we want when we want it."

So ugly...but haven't I been doing the same?

"IF You love me, then show me a sign.
Prove You love me by healing me.
Do what I want how and when I want it."

Yup - just as ugly.

I confessed the sin before the Lord, and I repented with all my heart.  He was faithful and just to forgive me and wash me clean (1 Jn 1:9).

All at once, I heard His familiar voice whisper lovingly:

"There is no 'if'"

I was swept under the wave of love that rolled over me.

Oh God, You love me.  You are good.

No matter my physical experience or my emotions, these two things are true every moment of every day.

I choose to believe the truth of Your love and goodness even when I don't "feel" it.  Even when there is not the "sign" of it that I desire.

"If He heals me..."

"If He gifts me..."

"If He provides for me..."

"If I see a sign..."

Oh Lord, I'm sorry that I've attached "if" to Your everlasting love and goodness.

There.  Is.  No.  "IF".

You are God and I am not.

You are loving and good and true.  Period.

Thank You for loving and forgiving me.  Thank you for teaching me. 

I will stand and worship and thank You for Your faithfulness and goodness...even if I must stand on throbbing legs to do it.

Thank You for your patience with me and my bratty ways!  Thank You that You are my Rock even when I make the mistake of setting my eyes on the wind and waves.

Thank You for Your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Words cannot express Your goodness Lord.  Please see the welling of love and awe in my heart for You, God.  Let the incense of my love and worship rise to Your throne day after day.  Night after night. Regardless of my earthly circumstance...You are holy and worthy and so very good.

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The Prayer of Faith

 

Are we praying the prayer of faith, or the prayer of doubt?

Too often, we pray the prayer of doubt.

The prayer of fear.

The prayer of defeat.

We pray the PROBLEM instead of the solution.

Proverbs 18:21 says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."

With that in mind, what does "the prayer of faith" in James 5:14-15 mean?

Instead of speaking about the problem and begging God to do what He already did and offers to us freely, let’s simply BELIEVE HIM enough to speak out what HE says about what we have going on. Faith…having confidence in who God is and what He says instead of confidence in our circumstance.

This can seem foolish or silly because we find ourselves speaking things that we can’t yet see with our eyes. But isn’t that what faith is? Yes…yes, it is. Faith is the evidence of things NOT SEEN, friends.

Even if we don’t see it yet, we’re asked to walk by faith and not sight.

So it reasons that the “prayer of faith” is the act of praying/speaking what we believe even though we cannot see it (yet!).

In fact, if we CAN see it, that’s not faith at all…that’s walking by sight and not faith!

At best, we too often pray a "double minded" prayer that sounds a lot like hedging our bet.

Check out this definition for "hedging a bet": "A hedge is a method to reduce risk and secure winnings for a specified bet. It means betting the opposite side of your original wager in order to either try to middle the game, or to reduce the downside exposure of the original wager."

We do this, right?

Original wager: "I trust you, God. You are my healer. You are my great physician. You are able to heal me. By your stripes I am healed."

The opposite of the original wager: "But God, if you don't want to heal me, that's ok. If you're not still in the healing business, that's ok. If your plan is for me to be sick and to die young, that's ok."

Here's what James 1:6-8 has to say about this kind of double-mindedness:

"But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Friends, we CANNOT hedge our bets! We cannot hedge our prayers. We cannot speak faith out of one side of our mouth, and doubt out of the other side!

What is the result when we do this?

I'm reminded of just how many times (a LOT), Jesus replied to someone seeking healing from Him with, "let it be done according to your faith" or "your faith has healed you"

ACCORDING TO YOUR FAITH

I'll say it as clearly as I'm able...don't let your faith be garbage that's based on what you SEE or EXPERIENCE. Speak the truth of God over your life whether you see it yet or not.

Go ALL IN

Friends, if I'm gonna go down....I'm going down swinging with all my strength.

All in on who God says he is.

All in on what God says Jesus did.

FAITH is not a whimpy Christianese term.

Faith is IT. Faith is ALL we have.

Faith is the ONLY thing that gives us access to the grace of God (Romans 5:2).

Are you with me, friends?

What are you struggling with today? What's causing you pain or fear?

I encourage you to go right NOW to the Word to see what GOD SAYS about your circumstance.

Quick circling the drain in fear and doubt...and get your feet on The Rock.

Have CONFIDENCE in Him today.

Trust what He says even if you don't "see" it yet.

Actively reject fear and shame and doubt.

QUIT. HEDGING.

He is TRUE.

He is FAITHFUL.

He is ABLE.

He is WILLING.

He is WORTHY of our lives lived all-in with Him.

ox Daiq

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