First Day of School Already?!

Wow -- I'm sitting here in my home office and the only sound I hear is the dog "talking" in her sleep.  No screaming.  No bickering.  No stomping.  No pretending.  No TV.  The silence is making my ears ring!

I dropped my little Thomas off at school this morning.  He'll be going to 1/2 day preschool 3 days a week.  The older three are in full day classes -- 5th grade, 4th grade, and 1st grade.

Where have my babies gone?!  Incredibly surreal.

And NICE
And quiet
And a little bit sad

Here's my favorite picture of my little Thomas this morning before school:

And my favorite quote from him as we got him ready: "Mommy, it's my first day of school, so make my hair as handsome as possible, okay?  And I also have my nice handsome shirt, and my handsome pantses (love this word), and I'll wear my super-fast shoes."

Here's a pic from last week's first day of school for the older kids -- much more representative of our household....love, horsing around, teasing, noisy, wrestling, giggles:

I love these little people!!  Those sparkly eyes, crooked and missing teeth, and soft skin....I just *crave* their little arms around my neck after school.

Sammy has ZERO front teeth, Ben is learning the cello this year, and Clara has the same sized feet as ME.  Crazy how these kids are growing!  I'm so blessed to be their mom, and so very proud of them :-)


I like to think about what I remember from my childhood when I was my kids' ages.

Let's see ----

4 years old?  I don't remember much of anything.  My little sister Tiffany was about 2.  I'm thinking we lived in Oshkosh, Wisconsin?  I'll have to ask Mom and Dad.

6 years old -- 1st grade?  We were in St. Louis, MO I think.  I went to 1st grade at Seven Holy Founders Catholic school.  We had to wear uniforms, and my teacher was Mrs. Mater.  The only school experience I remember that year was picture day.  Picture day was the only day of the year that we could wear "real clothes" instead of our uniform.  I forgot and wore my uniform....and was devastated.  My teacher let me borrow her navy blue sweater, so my picture wouldn't be a "uniform picture".  It was a sweet gesture, but you can still tell in my picture that I'd been crying.

9 years old -- 3rd grade?  We were in De Moines, IA.  I was at Clive Elementary, and I had Mr. Sweeney as my teacher.  I did NOT like having a male teacher (this is Clara's first year having a male teacher too!).  I was convinced Mr Sweeney didn't like me at ALL.  But we had a "menagerie" complete with hamsters, gerbils, salamanders, and even a tarantula.  Loved that :-)  My best friend was Ellen Burger....and we're back in touch now thanks to the miracle of facebook!  This is also the year that my youngest sister, Megan, was born.  Man....I remember poking at her when she slept because I wanted her to wake up so I could play with her.  You're welcome, Mom and Dad :-)

10 years old -- 5th grade?  My family had just moved to Williston, ND and I was starting school there.  Lewis and Clark Elementary.  Mrs.  Lobsinger didn't like me one bit, and I never really knew why.  I liked to play marbles and tetherball at recess.  And the cool girl of the school, a 6th grader named April, wanted me to "follow" her at recess.  She would literally strut around the playground and demand that people walk behind her....her own little fan club or something.  But not me.  I don't play nice when I'm bossed around (not much has changed).  We decided to settle our debate with a game of tetherball.  Since I was just a "little 5th grader", she let me start the game.  I wound up and swung that ball as hard as I could.  And she received my serve....right smack dab in her nose!  Blood was everywhere, and I literally feared for my life...probably because all the kids who'd gathered to watch the game looked at me with wide eyes and whispered things like "you're DEAD".  That was the end of me being asked to "follow" her.  Come to think of it, I don't remember anyone following her after that.  Let the record reflect that I did NOT mean to hurt her -- it was an accident that I felt really bad about....but it sure felt good to have her off my back.  And my first love....Daniel Soggy.  We "went together" all through 5th and 6th grade.  My Dad called him Chief-Soak-A-Soggy-Sock.  Hahaha!!

Here's to a great school year, everyone.

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Sweet Sammy and the Slow Death of her Mommy

I heard the bedroom door click open quietly, and soft little feet padded their way to my bedside.  I opened one of my eyes a sliver to see who it was, even though I already knew just by the rhythm of her breath.  Sammy said, "Mama, can I nuggle with you?"  "Sure, baby, climb in."

Her sweet smelling head of silky blond curls spread across the pillow as she tucked her body in against mine and laid her arm across my neck to pull me tight.  This little girl of mine.  A significant portion of my heart and soul resides wherever she is.  I don't quite feel whole unless her soft warm body is pressed against mine.  I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her little button nose that's starting to show freckles, her closed eyelids.  "You're my favorite Mama" she purrs.  "You're so special to me Sammy -- I love you with my whole heart" is my reply.

My heart breaks a little bit with the thought that this is the last snuggle of the summer.  She starts kindergarten tomorrow.  Every single day.  My Sammy will be away from me every single day.  I hardly know what to do with myself at the thought of it.  I'm sad and will miss her.  I'm nervous for her.  I'm overjoyed and excited for her and this new adventure.  I'm proud of her and the little lady she is.

But she's not only growing up.  She's growing away....away from me like she should.  Like she must, I suppose.  God has plans for her that are bigger than snuggling with her Mama every day.  Sigh.

I'm not the only one who's feeling the strain.  Samantha announced yesterday that she was done with grownups and that she was running away.  

"Oh, Sammy, I'm so sad to hear that.  Why do you want to get away from grownups all of a sudden?"

"Because they keep making me do things I don't want to do!"

"Like what?"

"Like go to kindergarten when I just feel too shy to go!"

"Ahhh, I see.  Well, what are you going to pack?"

"Well, I'll need some duct tape to trap kidnappers.  And I'll need a big pan from the kitchen so I can roast up animals for food.  And my money.  And the new dress Daddy bought me.  And a tent or something to keep birds from pooping on me.  Will you help me find my Tinkerbell backpack?"

She was busy all morning packing her "runaway bags", while I made homemade pancakes for her breakfast and poured myself some coffee.

I can hear her thinking out loud about what she needs.  She has her backpack, red purse, and purple bag all packed and ready to go.  I looked up from the kitchen as she said "Okay, everyone!  It's time to come say goodbye!"  She had taken it upon herself to get dressed, put on her shoes, and take a potty break before the big moment.

Then, in a whisper, with the straps of her runaway bags cris-crossing her chest...."Mommy, I'm going out the front and will you come with me?"  

So we head out the front door and down the sidewalk as she tells me all about the injustices that grownups have burdened her little life with.

"Well, first of all, they make me do things I'm afraid to do.  AND they make all sorts of rules and laws.  AND  they don't let me have dessert enough.  AND they make me go to bed way too early.  Mama, I'm a little worried about running away."

"Yeah, I'm a little worried too.  I'm really going to miss you and I hate the idea of you being out there all alone.  Why are you worried?"

"I'm worried because these bags are really heavy.  And what if the police see me out here walking around without a grown-up?  They'll want to talk to me and I can't run away from them with these heavy bags!"

"The police are good and safe, right?  They help you.  You don't have to run away from them."

"Yeah, I guess.  And Mama -- do you think you have enough pictures of me to remember me really well?  I don't think I have any pictures of my family with me."

"It should be easy to remember me, Sammy.  Do you know why?"

"Why?"

"Well, because you have my heart with you.  I know this because my heart hurts a little bit every time I'm away from you.  I figure it must be because you have a little piece of my heart with you."

"Hmmm.  Mommy....these bags are REALLY heavy.  Do you think you could carry one?"

"Wait, you're running away and I'm supposed to carry the bags?!"

"You ARE the grown-up, Mama", with a sweet tinkling giggle.

"Okay, but I'll only carry them home.  Are you ready to go back home?"

"Yeah.  It's hot out here.  And I don't have a tent so the birds could poop on me any time!"  

She breaks into a skip as she heads back home, her ponytail bobbing behind her.  Oh, little girl, I adore you.

Our leaving the nest adventure is done for today, but tomorrow is another story.  She'll wear her special dress that Daddy bought for her.  We'll do her hair in "a pretty or beautiful way because I'm sick of CUTE!"  And I'll walk her into her classroom.  And I'll leave her there.  I'll leave. her. there.

I'll do what I need to do.  I'll be the joyful and excited and encouraging Mommy who "can't WAIT to hear about all of your big-girl adventures in kindergarten!"  I'll buy the special first-day-of-school ice cream cone.  But me and this heart of mine....I'm not sure that we're going to make it.

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