Whew...got my world rocked this morning!
I sat with my kids during breakfast and we read a kids' daily devotional. Today's reading was all about worry and how it's a form of unbelief....unbelief that God is with us, cares about us personally, and is able to handle our problems. The reading encouraged us to express our worries to the Lord so He can carry them for us. It seemed logical to ask my kids what they worry about.
"getting good grades"
"what people think of me"
"puking on the bus ride for my field trip today" (haha!)
But then Thomas shared his little heart, and I almost cried!
"Mom, I worry about losing you and Daddy. I'm afraid you'll get sick and die. I'm afraid someone will hurt or kill you. I'm worried that maybe you and Daddy won't want to be married anymore and one of you will marry someone else - that happened to a lot of people in my class."
Oh....felt like a gut punch! I had no idea that my rambunctious, loud, silly little baby boy was carrying such a heavy burden!
I reassured him to the best of my ability...but ultimately...he will lose us. Hopefully not for a very very long time.....but we will die. I can't really tell him that we'll be here for him forever if we won't!
What to do but encourage him to turn his eyes to Jesus? Jesus will never leave him. As we sat with waffles and juice before us....we prayed. We prayed for safety, for Luke's and my marriage, families that have been broken, friendships, bus rides....all of it. We imagined putting all of our worries in a big box, closing the lid, and handing it to Jesus to take care of for us.
Ultimately though, my prayer is not to avoid the inevitable of death and loss.....instead, I pray that my kids all know and trust the Lord so they can get through the hard stuff with peace....joy, even. I pray that they know Him and how much He loves them.....that they grow to only care about what HE thinks of them.
I'm just their earthy parent - boy, I feel small this morning - I can't protect and guide them their entire lives. I'll do my best, of course....but I'll screw up, miss things, give bad advice, and eventually have to leave them.
Feeling overwhelmingly thankful this morning for Jesus....who is ready and able to fill the God-shaped hole in my babies like only He can.