My Girl

My Dear Sweet Clara,

Happy Birthday! How on earth are you 7 years old already? My goodness...the joy of watching you grow sure makes time fly. It seems that it was just 3 minutes ago that you and I were sitting in the front yard waiting for your Daddy to drive up. I took this picture of you because I thought you were so darn cute with your little pig-tails :-)

One of your favorite things lately is for me to tell you stories of when you were a little baby - here are a few that you might like to remember forever...

Your Daddy knew you and your heart from the first moment that he heard you were on the way. We were at Yaya and Papa's cottage in Wisconsin, when I learned that you were on your way into our family and hearts. Daddy was golfing at the time, and I could hardly contain my excitement to tell someone my exciting news...I wanted to tell Daddy first, but I just couldn't wait. So, when you big brother woke from his nap, I told him "You're going to be a big brother!" Since he was only 6 months old, I knew I could count on him to keep my wonderful secret :-)

When Daddy came back from golf, I asked him to take a walk with me. I had a little box wrapped up in my pocket. It contained a very special test I'd taken earlier (kinda gross, now that I think about it, but I guess I wasn't very clear-headed at the time...and I double bagged it in a ziploc bag!). We took a stroll down the road, and we turned up a little dirt path called "Tipetts Lane". It was under the shade trees on that dirt road that I pulled a little box wrapped with a bow from my pocket and gave it to your Daddy (he told me later that he thought for sure it was sunglasses since he was missing his!!). He opened it. He closed it. He opened it again. He looked carefully. Without looking at me (but with a grin on his face), he said, "two lines means pregnant, right?"

"Well...YEAH!!"

And his response...I'll never forget the sparkle in his eye and the joy in his voice as he said "We finally get our Clara Rose!" And he hugged and kissed me so tenderly...and then he lifted me off the ground with the joy of YOU in our lives!

That was one of my best days.

And then, a few months later, came one of my worst days.

We went to the doctor for our first ultrasound. The doctor scanned and scanned and scanned. There you were...we could see you...that tiny little speck. But there was no sign of the heartbeat that should have been there. The doctor was not encouraging in any way. She simply said, "It looks like everything has developed to proper stage based on how far along you are. There should certainly be a heartbeat, but there isn't. I'm so sorry. Come back in one week for confirmation."

Confirmation?

The next seven days were the longest of my life. We already loved you so...

And then, one day, your Daddy came home with a peaceful smile on his face. "Everything is going to be fine", he reported. I must have looked at him like he had 2 heads! He told an amazing story:

He had been walking out of the office that afternoon. As he walked, a delicate and beautiful butterfly fluttered across his path, and seemed to be there just for him. Time stood still as the butterfly seemed to hang in the air in front of him, as if to say "do you see me? " The sight of that butterfly brought a wash of peace to your Daddy. It was his message from heaven. Our baby...you...were going to be just fine.

And then, another of my best days.

The doctor scanned my belly, and said "I can't believe it!" And then she turned the monitor for us to see for ourselves...your heart beating strong and true. Praise God!

It wasn't long before your strong legs were beating me up from the inside out - you were always incredibly strong! I love that about you :-)

On the day of your birth, you Daddy gave me a beautiful Lladro piece...a delicate and gorgeous butterfly...to remind us of the promise of YOU. I'll treasure it forever.

Well, I had lots of other stories to tell you, but they'll have to wait for another time or this note will go on forever!

You've grown into an amazing young lady, Clara. I'm thoroughly blessed and proud to be your Mommy. You're beautiful, with those gorgeous green eyes, sweet freckles on your nose, and dimpled smile. You're smart as can be - always asking questions and figuring things out and doing your best. You're feisty - in your more ornery moments your Daddy likes to call you "DJ" for "Daiquiri Junior" {sigh}. It's hard being such a passionate young woman, I know this first hand! But it will serve you well if you can learn to use your powers for good rather than for evil! ;-) And some day, you'll find a man who will say that your feistiness is his favorite thing about you. And if you find someone who says he doesn't like it? Kick 'em in the shins and find someone else!!

But sweetie, my favorite thing about you is your tender and kind heart. You have a way of loving like no one else! You're a good person, way down deep in your heart. You're considerate, sweet, helpful...I just love to see how you care so much for the people in your life. Jesus tells us to love one another, and you seem to have a natural gift to do this. I'm so proud of you!

You are one of the greatest blessings in my life - my first daughter. Please know that I will always love you, always believe in you, always be proud of you....and I'll always have your back if you need help kicking any shins! ;-)

Happy Birthday precious girl.

Love,

Mommy

PS. I don't want to forget this great day - we got up and met Grandpa Jim at Krispy Kreme for fresh donuts first thing this morning. Then, we came home and you opened your presents. You were excited to be able to wear your new earrings, so we cleaned them up and you wore "fancy earrings" for the first time since having your ears pierced. Then, Grandma Bernie came over to watch the little ones while you, Ben, Daddy, and I went to "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakwell" It was a great day! We'll be celebrating some more next weekend when Yaya and Papa come in to town, and we have a "heart" party (since it's on Valentine's Day) with about 15 of your closest friends!

Nothing Extraordinary

"You're not writing on your blog much lately", my Mom said recently.

I know! My problem is that I just don't have a whole lot to say. My little life is just so... ordinary.

I'm not complaining - ordinary is good. It just doesn't offer much material for writing. My sister in law keeps telling me I should write a book. To that, I say

HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But I do appreciate her encouragement. In fact, I think I might save up some money and have this blog printed and bound. It's just my ordinary day ramblings, but oh, what a treasure it would be if I had my own Mom or Grandma's ordinary day ramblings!

It's a sick day around here today. Clara was up all night coughing, so Luke announced this morning "Clara's staying home today". Sammy's been fighting the same cough for days. And my sweet little Thomas keeps running to grab a kleenex so I can wipe his nose for him. I guess it's better than him using his sleeve.

We're in that odd in-between place where they shouldn't go to school, but they're perfectly energetic enough to bicker all. day. long.

And Clara, she's energetic enough to want to help me with everything...on her terms. "Mom, can I dust?"

"Sure, but I'd like you to dust the baseboards. They haven't been done in a long time, but I just did the furniture a day ago."

"I don't want to do the baseboards."

"Well, if you want to help, that's what I'd like your help with."

"Ummm, my tummy hurts."

Uh huh.

Thank goodness for the little stick vac that kept Clara and Thomas busy for almost 45 minutes! There's something about that kid-sized vacuum that inspires kids to get into all sorts of cracks and crevices.

And at some point during their sweep of the laundry room, Thomas decided that the washer needed some attention. So HE CLIMED IN IT.

"MOMMEEEE! Thomas is stuck in the washing machine!!"

(much grunting and screeching flows forth from the direction of the laundry room)

And, of course, being the doting Mama that I am, I dashed straight to the laundry room to rescue him...(ahem)...after pausing for just a moment to grab the camera.

He'd gotten out by the time I made it there.

"Thomas! Don't climb in the washer, you could hurt yourself, okay? And if you do get in there again, you make sure to holler for Mommy...so I can (take your picture and) get you out (almost) immediately!"

Hey - I've gotta have my entertainment too...not to mention plenty of bribery material for his dare-devil teenage years. Oi. If I manage to get that kid to 18 in one piece, it will be a miracle straight from Heaven! :-)

I'm off - the dishes and laundry call. And hey, I have a brave friend who's venturing into this fog of germs to come have lunch with me! I warned her that she's taking her nasal health into her own hands by coming, but she will not be deterred. I'm thankful :-)

Have a great day everyone!

Baby Fever {Sneak Peek}

(try clicking on images to enlarge)

I did a photo shoot yesterday with one of the sweetest and most beautiful families I've ever met! I knew it was going to be fun, when I was met at the door by these amazing little eyes:

I wasn't mistaken either - walking in to their gorgeous home made me feel as if I was stepping into the studio of my dreams with it's rich colors, fun patterns and accessories, and loads of natural light (when I build my first studio, I'm totally calling you Jessica...for your help and a list of stores where you shop!). I said a quiet prayer of thanks as I looked around.

The home was beautiful and peaceful, which was a perfect reflection of the amazing family who lives there:

This little angel stole my heart with his tiny fingers and perfect mouth. He was such a good sport to model so sweetly for me.

As I processed this shot, I just kept thinking "texture". I love the smooth clean and crisp lines of the un-textured piece, but how cool does this texture look?! :

Thank you for your patience and for blessing me with your business, wonderful family!

Stay tuned for the rest of your gallery in the next week or so.

Quotable Quote

Sammy: "Mama, when I was sleepin' I hear Jesus talkin' and he had his loud voice on."

Me: "What? Really? What was he saying?"

"He was talkin' to Clara"

"What was he saying to her?"

"He just said CLARA! But she didn't her him."

Okay...well, I've frequently prayed for the Lord to call my children in a way that was irresistible to them. I just never knew it meant he'd have "his loud voice on." :-)

Hello Friday, I Love You

Whew, it's Friday! This has felt like a marathon week for me. I just adore Fridays. I love going to bed on Thursday nights with the thought "ooo, tomorrow is Friday!". I love getting up in the morning...a sweet kiss on my shoulder and the words "happy Friday" whispered by the love of my life. It's family pizza and movie night tonight - a tradition we've remained faithful to since the birth of our "baby", now 2 1/2 years old.

I'm feeling overwhelmed in a good way today - a welcome change to the normal overwhelmed I feel, which involves too much housework, not enough time with my Luke or by myself, and unsettled kids who seem to bicker day and night. Hmmm, could it be that the kids are unsettled because their mama is both overwhelmed and underwhelmed in her ability to cope with grace? Their days are so much more peaceful and fun when we start with a quiet snuggle, a handful of kisses, and a chat about how great the day is going to be.

I KNOW these things...why don't I just DO it more often?

Today I'm surrounded by more laundry and dirty dishes than I've had in a very very long time. I can hardly stay away from the computer...I got wrapped up in a fun project, and just try to get me to stop! And yet, with all this mess...joy.

Are you tired of hearing me go on and on about God yet? I feel like it's all I post about lately. It's just that these past few months have been some of my most horrifying and painful. And now, I'm coming out the other side. The view past those few months of pain? It's amazing.

It could be amazing because I'm simply not squirming under immediate and intense pain like I've been doing. Sort of like when you have the flu...you know how you feel BEYOND healthy and strong and energetic those first few days once it's passed?

But no. It's more that just the relief from suffering. I know this because underneath this joy, there's still missing Grandma. There's still sadness. There's still grieving for my friend and her family. There's still...the crud.

Through all of this, God has been incredible. I say that with a new and less superficial voice. I'm ashamed to say that I've feared. I've doubted. I've wondered if God was good or even real at all. I can't say that I regret those terrifying feelings though. It was those feelings that brought me to my knees before God...brought me to the very end of myself and my faith.

I ran out of faith.

I ran out of understanding.

I ran out of trust for my Jesus.

Not good.

But faith, understanding, and trust that can be depleted? That's stuff straight from ME. I needed the stuff that God has to offer. It turns out that he delivers the goods only after I'm all done with doing things my way and on my terms and with what I can provide.

I rely on Him now more than I ever did. And do you know what? This faith and trust and understanding that is whispered into my soul fresh each morning? It's like sitting down to a grand and rich feast after eating nothing but saltine crackers my entire life. It's like I'm actually nourished for the first time.

Pain is no fun, but I can say with all my heart...God brings good from it. God works in the furnace of our pain - he refined me just a bit (I say just a bit because I'm more aware now than ever of how far I have left to grow).

So here I am, on this beautiful and very messy Friday...full of joy and peace and an overwhelming excitement for what's to come. I'm cleaning my home, dancing in the kitchen with my little ones, and setting puzzles while smelling their head and brushing my fingers along their soft warm cheeks.

Oh, and I'm also joyful today because of the BEST letter from a friend yesterday. She's been searching for God, and I've been praying for her. I learned quickly that my speaking did more harm than good, so I decided to just zip it and pray instead. This friend...so struggling with "christianity" that can be so ugly with it's politics and hate and judgement..."christianity" that hurt her deeply. Well, her search was in earnest. I know this because God revealed himself to her in an irresistible way (you know what God says about what happens when you truly search for him...).

And now...NOW...she got beyond that "christianity" and she got Christ.

She's being baptized on Valentine's Day - she says the timing is a perfect picture of the love she's been consumed with.

Oh, friends. This Jesus. He is...he is...oh, he just IS. There are no WORDS right now to express it!

Okay, I have to stop. The peace of this morning doesn't seem to have stuck with the kids, and they're hollering again ;-) Have a great weekend, everyone!