Contentment

 

If I were able to instantly translate one major life lesson to my children so they could just "know" it instead of having to learn it...it might be the lesson of being content.

To be truly peacefully content in this day and age is no small feat.

I suppose this day and age is really no different than any other - there has always been a human drive to grow and innovate...a drive for "more" and "better".  It's a good thing if we manage that urge instead of letting it manage us.

But oh, the longing for the next thing...the looking ahead to the point of missing what's right in front of me...there's no mystery why the Lord calls us to a heart posture of contentedness.  

Truly, without contentment, I live my life in a way where I miss so much of the goodness right in front of me as I wish my life away for some imagined future.  Can you relate?

There really is "Great Gain" to be found in Godliness + Contentment.  My own life is a series of reminders of this truth.

It seems that every single major transition in my life was released by God ONLY after I'd settled into a truly content state of mind, body, and spirit.  

It's sort of like swimming (bear with me).  I can swim and strive and kick and PUSH against the current and waves...or I can just flip on my back and breathe.

I admit, much of my life has been spent "swimming"/striving...only to be left exhausted, weary, and disappointed...feeling like a failure and a disappointment...feeling like maybe God Himself had abandoned me.

It's not that He ever abandoned me...it's just that I didn't leave room for Him in all the "ME" I was focused on:  My plan, My goal, My dream, My effort, My work, My earning MY LIFE. 

In His goodness, He gives me the freedom and choice to go ahead and do "MY" thing.   

I'm reminded of the innumerable times one of my children would demand to "do it myself"...so I would step back and let them give it a go.  In my wisdom, I could see clearly that they were headed toward frustration, but it was something they had to learn.  Eventually, their little shoulders would slump a little in defeat, and they'd turn their sweet face toward me and sheepishly ask for my help.

They were met each time with my joy and love and eager willingness to help them.  We would do it together...as designed.

Isn't is the same with us and our Father?  Now that I'm in my 50's, I might FINALLY be letting go of my stubborn need to "do it myself".  I imagine that's a welcome relief to God!

As designed...we are meant to "do it together"

I find myself in a strange waiting place recently. 

I'm not sure where I'm going.  I'm not sure how to prepare.  It feels a little bit like the work I'm engaged in is...silly and pointless.

The Lord recently whispered a reminder in my ear of another time I felt this way.

We were expecting our 3rd child, and we were busting at the seams in our tiny little house.  So we decided it was time to move.  We contacted a realtor and looked and looked and looked at houses.  We made offers on several of them.  We narrowed down school districts and floor plans.  We KNEW what we wanted....but absolutely nothing would work out.  

Finally, as the time to deliver our sweet baby drew nearer, we decided to abandon the search.  Clearly, it was not meant to be, and we were exhausted and frustrated.  

Instead, we decided to spruce up our tiny little house and make the best of it.  Instead of using money to buy a new house, we took that money and replaced carpet, painted drab walls, and bought some furniture that made our small space more manageable.  

It was a sweet time.  It was a season of true contentment as we enjoyed the abundance right in front of us.

We were no longer looking for a bigger house...but one day it fell in our laps.  Even bigger than we'd been looking for.  In the right neighborhood. Near friends.  In a great school district.  

The problem?  It cost more than the previous houses we'd made offers on, which the bank wouldn't finance for us.  And there had been no increase in our income.  There was zero reason to expect we could get "the yellow house".

Well, guess what?  We got the yellow house!

And the home we were in sold the first day it hit the market for $40K MORE than we were asking after a bidding war ensued. 

The yellow house is such a place of sweet childhood memories for all our kids.  What a blessing and a gift it was!

To this day...I really don't have an explanation for how it happened so easily except to say that the hand of God's favor is very real indeed.

[Side note...the yellow house did NOT look the way I wanted it to.  I really did not love the canary yellow color, and was so eager to paint it.  We never did paint it though - we never had the money to do so - there's a lesson here on beautiful blessings not always looking the way we want/expect ;-) ]

The yellow house story is just one of many stories like this in my life.  A deep and peaceful season of contentment preceded every major turning point in my life...meeting my husband, having children, starting a business, moving across the country, moving to our dream home...

And I feel a call to a new season of good stewardship and contentment this very moment.

But notice it is not ONLY contentment that leads to "great gain".  It's contentment WITH godliness.  

It's a peaceful waiting WITH God.

It's rooted in a deep trust of who He is.  How good He is.  How faithful He is. 

So I will settle in. 

I will take care of my home. 

I will love my people. 

I will sort, organize, and tidy.

I will make yummy meals for my husband and youngest child, the only one still "in the nest".

I will learn and grow and enjoy as interests pique my interest.

I will worship and pray and lean into the heart of God, who has always been so sweet and kind to me.

And I'll rejoice when the next "yellow house" is placed in my life...even if it doesn't look exactly how I'd like it to.

BUT EVEN IF nothing "good, better, great" comes next... even if I'm in this season of contentment with godliness until the day I leave this body...


...well, I can't think of a better way to spend the rest of my days.

So here's to resting.  Here's to laying down striving and grinding and comparing.  Here's to just floating on the current...breathing...and trusting Him to be the excellent and loving God He is.

Thank you, Lord, for being utterly faithful and good to me all the days of my life.  Even in hard and painful seasons, you showed yourself to be patient and gentle and kind.  You showed yourself to be GOOD in every sense of the word.  Thank you for teaching me how beautiful it is to simply rest in your abundance...YOU are enough...YOU are more than what I need for all goodness and joy.  I choose this day to rest in you...to trust in you...to rejoice in the goodness that is this life, right now.  I look forward to whatever you have in store for me...whether it looks the way I want or not...because I know that you are good and capable to work all things together for ultimate good and for your glory.  Let it be, Lord.  I love you. ❤️ 

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Love Math & Why There's Always Enough

I was pregnant...AGAIN!

I was giddy.

I was shocked.

I was terrified!

Raise your hand if you've been there haha!  I hear it all the time... the greatest fear of a mom's heart when she's expecting another baby...

"I don't know if I have enough love for another baby!"

"HOW could I POSSIBLY love another person like I love my first child?"

"What if I'm just not cut out for loving another child?"

"What if this new baby somehow takes AWAY from the love I'm giving the child I already have?"

That's it right there, isn't it?  That's where the issue lies.  Or should I say, that's where the LIE lies?

Fiends....here's what I've discovered....

We've been doing the math wrong!

We look in the mirror and we see the shape of our body....the edges of the shell in which we live, and we see limits.  We see boundaries.  We see "only so much" and we assume that our love must be DIVIDED into the number of people we've been tasked with caring for.

We tell ourselves that "Right now I love as much as I can, so that must be my limit.  This max that I have to offer has to be DIVIDED and portioned out to all these people."

The natural world confirms this math, right?

There's only so much time.  Only so much money.  Only so much space.  Only so much energy.  Only so much...everything!  In the natural, we have to divide it up fairly and distribute it so everyone gets what they need...and boy, we do a lousy job of this in so many areas don't we?  So we see LACK.  We see "not enough".  We see limits.

But LOVE MATH is different....because love is not a limited "natural" resource!

Love is not a limited resource because it's fed by an unlimited Source, so there's always MORE to be had.

More than the sands on the shore.

More than the depth of the sea.

More than the stars in the sky.

And even those examples fall short because there is a measurable number of sands on the shore...there is a finite depth of the sea...there are only so many stars in the sky.  

Compared to the love that God can fill us with, the number of sands fall short...the sea is far too shallow...the stars too finite.  They are not only weak examples....they are infinitely inadequate examples.  Breathtaking, isn't it?

So rest easy, mama.  If you've been wrestling with thoughts of "I don't have enough love in me to offer another person"....start thinking in terms of multiplication instead of division!  Your Source of love is not yourself....it is God - He IS Love, and He is always MORE than enough!

"We have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.  God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God and God abides in him." 1 John 4:16

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

Lord, thank you for supplying me with even more than I need!  Sometimes I feel limited and like I'm just not enough....thank you for the reminder that I am not to trust my feelings because they shift and change by the minute.  YOU are true.  YOU are enough.  YOU are love.  YOU never change.  And, glory upon glory, it is YOU who lives in me!  I trust you, Lord.  Please reveal the areas of my life where I need to trust you more, so that I can earnestly surrender those areas and live in full alignment and submission to you.  Thank you for being strong in my weaknesses....may I be utterly weak in all areas so your strength shines through to the world!  For the building of your Kingdom and that all the world sees and knows your amazing love and grace, Lord Jesus. oxox

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And ALSO...

As I drive my kids to school in the morning, we're typically pretty quiet (they take after their Mama, and are not morning people)....but I like to quietly sing a few verses of "Jesus Loves Me" as we make our way down the road.  I like the idea of that tune...those WORDS...ringing in their head all day long.

Thomas cracked me up this morning.  I was singing my typical little soft song, not even sure that he could hear me, when suddenly he said, "And ALSO, Jesus is God, Mama"

I could just hear is brain working...."Jesus loves me"....."Jesus is strong"...."and ALSO....."

Made my day!

Such a gift, these children. I learn more about God and how to go to Him as His child than from anywhere else.  Today I learned to think "and also...."

He loves me
He is strong
He is God
He is good
He is sovereign
He is abundant
He is gracious
He is Savior
He knows me
He has plans for me
He shelters me
He is great
He is King
And also....
     And also....
          And also....

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God is in the Thomas-isms

This little boy keeps me on my toes.  I'm continually amazed by the words that come out of my mouth when I'm interacting with him....a small sampling (just from today):

"Thomas, please take your dirty toes out of your mouth"

"Why?"

"Because your toes have dirt and germs on them.  Don't put them in your mouth."

"Why?"

"Dirt and germs can make you sick and your Mama thinks it's icky.  Please.  Just take the toes out of your mouth!"

"I wub my tosies!" (in a slightly offended tone)

"I love your toes to, buddy, but they still don't go in your mouth."

"Mama.  You 'atend you in da office and I in the pway-woom." (pretend you're in the office and I'm in the play room)

"Why?  So that you can pretend I'm not telling you to take your toes out of your mouth?"

"Yeah."

How am I having this conversation?!

Sometimes it's not nearly as detailed an interaction. Sometimes it's as simple as "Make sure that thing is pointing DOWN when you pee!"

Or, a conversation that I have often....a tidbit from about 20 minutes ago:

I heard Thomas telling Sammy "Heeelp!  Get Mama for me!"

I walked in the living room to find him with his head stuck in a strange place between the seat of the glider and it's metal frame.  I helped him get his noggin loose and then said,

"Thomas, do not put your head in strange holes okay?  It's just not safe!  In fact, as a general rule in life, keep your head out of holes as much as possible."

"Much a pow-i-bow?"

"Yes, as much as possible."

"Ok Mama"

Seriously.  "Don't put your head/foot/finger/arm/toy in that hole" would have made me a wealthy woman if nickels fell from the sky every time I said them!

And every now and then, I hear God chuckling with me and responding with his own "Yeah!  That goes for you too, Daiquiri!" just as I heard today at lunch time.

Goldfish crackers.  Sliced up hotdog.  A bowl of pineapple.  Milk with some chocolate sprinkled in it, and served in a cup with a lid and straw....just how he likes it.  Barney singing on the TV in the background.

Thomas saw those hot dogs and went right to town -- loaded his fork all the way up.

"I eat ALL my hog-gogs, Mama!"

"Okay, that's good!  Wait....eat them one at a time though."

"NO!  I eat dem ALL!", as he continued to skewer those sad little circles of meat.

"No, sweetie.  You sure CAN eat all of your hot dog, but putting them all in your mouth at the same time is not a good idea.  You'll choke!  Please eat them one piece at a time."

"Awwww.  Mama, you make me so MAD!"

"Hey..."

"Okay Mama", as he plucked the pieces from his fork and deposited them back on his plate.

It was one of those "Yeah, you too" moments from Heaven.

Do you ever feel like you're that little boy, excitedly trying to do everything ALL at ONCE?  I do!  And some days I lie in bed in the morning and am positively overwhelmed by what my day holds.  Or I find myself wandering around the house gathering up the clutter with one hand, checking messages on my phone with the other, and shouting nuggets of motherly wisdom over my shoulder to my bickering kids.  All the while, my metal to-do list is running through my head and I'm feeling like I just might choke.

I love my life, don't get me wrong.  I'm living the dream!  Wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, homemaker, writer, business woman.  I truly love my life.

It's just that I feel like I'm often the kid who's enthusiastically tackling EVERY SINGLE thing I have going on all at the same time.  I need to slow down.  Sure, I certainly can have it all....I just need to do it bite by little bite!  I CAN have it all, just not all at the same time.

God speaks to us in so many little ways if we're just listening.  Today, it's "slow down, do your day piece by piece, and enjoy the meal."

Who knows, tomorrow it might be "Daiquiri, get your head out of that strange hole" ;-)

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Decisions

I've been agonizing over a decision lately.  It's not a life or death thing....just something that could change the way my life looks and the way I spend my time.  Is this good for me?  For my family?  Is this what He wants for me?

I've been praying and reading and taking every opportunity to sit quietly and just LISTEN...but the answers I get are not the clear "Do It" or "Don't Do It" that I long to hear.

Well, I'll just quit being so elusive - I'm trying to decide if I want to step into another business.  I'll still be doing photography, that's for sure.  This is something that I'd do in addition to my daily stuff and photography.  It involves a product that I'm really excited about....which was developed by people with a strong track record for success...which I believe can be a blessing to people...and to top it off, it's brand spankin' new to my city.  I think this could be the financial opportunity of a lifetime (imagine if you were one of the first people to bring Mary Kay or Scentsy or Tupperware to your area - you'd be a happy camper right now!).

I WANT it.

But not if He doesn't want it.

I've heard three little whispers from Heaven, and they're tumbling around in my brain while I try to fit them together in the form of a solid answer.

The first is 2 Corinthians 9:6 "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously."

The second was in the form of my own recent words to my child.  Clara had three pieces of candy in her hand, and she was trying to figure out which piece to have as a treat.  "Mommy, these are the pieces I'm trying to choose between, but I can't!  Which one should I have?  They all look so good, I just don't know which one to have!"

"Well, sweetie, it's completely up to you.  They all look yummy, and I'm sure you'll enjoy whichever piece you choose."

"But which is the RIGHT choice?  Tell me which one I should have!"

"It's up to you, Clara.  You choose whichever one looks best to you."

His answer spoke gently into my heart:  "Yes....exactly."

And finally - the sweetest answer...or reminder...I've had yet.  It came as I clicked through the archives of my own blog (something I never do).  I stumbled across THIS post, and was reminded that He'll love me no matter what...that I'm the apple of His eye.

I should sow generously.
     The choice is mine to make.
          He loves me like crazy.

Can't I just please get a "Yes" or a "No"?

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Okay, Okay. I'll Wait.

This is a rooster at my sister's house.  He's bold and (ahem) cocky, and is the best watch bird I've ever seen.  He crows incessantly at us every time we show up.  Drives Luke crazy - he's always saying "that bird would be fajitas soooo fast if it were up to me".

But cool looking poultry is not what's on my mind today.  I just like the picture.

What's on my mind is waiting...waiting on the Lord's timing even when waiting is exactly what I DON"T want to do.

Figuring out what I want is half the battle with me.  But once I figure it out, I want it NOW.  I go after it.  I make it work.  I find a way and I just do it.  This has just been the way I do things - I'm a go-getter.

Based on worldly standards, this is a good trait.  It makes me strong and bold and, usually, very successful.

Based on Godly standards, it's not always a good trait.  It's good sometimes, but only because God tends to get things worked out despite my arrogance and boldness.  And I suppose it's good sometimes because when I see a need, I typically just jump in and get it done.  Action is a good thing when it's motive is love.

But I'm not talking about stopping to give a sandwich to the homeless guy or spontaneously telling someone that Jesus loves them.  I'm talking about big life stuff.  For the big life stuff, I'm working hard to wait on the Lord's will and timing.

My motivation is mostly selfish, I'll admit.  God knows best.  He's shown me time and time (and time and time) again that He loves me and knows me even better than I do.  He wants good things for me.  I can trust Him.  It makes the waiting a bit more tolerable, knowing that the result will be even better than I could have dreamed up for myself.

God has quite the imagination when it comes to showering me with blessings!

A good example of this is the amazing guy I ended up marrying.  I spent many years feeling desperately lonely.  I dated.  A lot.  I found lots and lots of duds, but I also found some wonderful men who were...well...wonderful.  Kind.  Fun.  Funny.  Handsome.  Sweet.  I even found one or two really wonderful men who adored me.  And I tried desperately to make myself feel what I knew I should be feeling for the "one", but I just couldn't.  I can think of one time in particular when I had to break up with someone who I loved dearly....just not like that...I begged God to let him be the one for me, but he just wasn't.  Boy, I cried and cried and cried...and wondered if I'd thrown something terrible away.

And then....Luke.

He's a miracle.  The way I feel about him (after 13 years of marriage and 4 babies) is nothing short of a God-thing.  See?  God had something in mind for me, and I'm so thankful that He gave me the strength and courage to wait on His perfect will and timing.

So that's what I'm trying to do now.  I know what I want.  But every time I pray about it, do you know what happens?  It drives me crazy.  The song that goes "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord....." rings through my head.  "Wait upon the Lord" ends up cycling through my head all the darn day.  It seems my answer is clear.

And if it's not, my recent Bible reading should give me a clue.  The past two times I was feeling particularly desperate, I prayed in earnest to hear from Him.  "Talk to me Lord.  Tell me what you have for me. Help!"  And then, not knowing where to start reading, I just sort of opened the Book and read.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

and

Luke 12:31-32 "Yet seek ye his kingdom, and these things shall be added unto you.  Fear not, little flock: for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

Both times, I hear Him whispering to my heart and soul...."I see you.  I know you.  I love you.  I'm taking care of things.  Rest in me and trust.  Just keep your eye on me and WAIT."

As if that wasn't enough, I heard my girls talking the other day.  Clara wanted Sammy to go with her to do something and Sammy replied "Just a minute please.  You must wait for a second while I finish what I'm doing here."

Oh boy....she sounded exactly like her Mama!  With all 4 kids home now, I'm constantly being interrupted.  I'm on the phone, I'm folding laundry, I'm making a meal....but they need something NOW. So they get told to "wait a second" a LOT lately.

I can't tell you how happy I was to hear Sammy saying "just a minute please" instead of "GIVE ME A BREAK!  CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING SOMETHING HERE?!  GIVE ME FIVE FREAKING SECONDS OF PEACE, WILL YOU?!"

I don't know where she'd get the idea to say something like that (ahem).

Their little exchange just hit me.  It was like God was giving me a nudge and saying, "See?  sometimes the kids have to wait while the parent gets some necessary work done."

OKAY....I get it.

So here I sit.  My heart and dreams in His capable hands.  Waiting...

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A Daddy and His Boy

Our little Thomas is typically too busy for snuggles anymore. He's an active 2 year old...we're lucky when the kid slows down enough to EAT!

He does enjoy a nice long afternoon nap every day though (thank the Lord), so when our little man was rudely awakened the other day by his older siblings the other day, he was Cranky (yes, that's "cranky" with a capital "C"!).

My wonderful Luke is a wise daddy. He could see that the problem was that Thomas just needed more sleep, so he rocked and snuggled him back to sleep while a football game played in the background.

I'm not sure who enjoyed it more...me, to see the two of them so sweet...Luke, to be snuggling with our busy little guy...or Thomas, who needed the sleep.

We never know.

We never know until days or weeks or months later...when will it be the last time that he snuggles like this? When will it be the last time that this little person will hold my hand? Call me "Mommy"? Enjoy talking with me? Want to spend time with me....heck, want to be seen with me at all?! Kiss me on the cheek?

I'm doing my best to soak it all in and not take it for granted.

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Truth with a Capital "T"

We have one excited little girl around here.  Samantha will turn 4 years old next month, and she can hardly stand it!  Each day, she asks, "Mama, is my birthday tomorrow?"

Our conversation started off in the usual manner today, but when I tried to explain to her that her birthday was about a month away...about 30 days...she just wouldn't accept it.

"But Mamma, I want to have one more sleep.  One more sleep tonight, and then tomorrow is my birthday.  Okay?  Please?"

"Sorry, sweetie.  Your birthday is not tomorrow.  It's a month away. C'mon, let's go look at the calendar and I'll show you."

"NO.  Tomorrow.  I want my birthday to be TOMORROW. ONE MORE SLEEP, MAMA, ONE!"

"Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it?  It would be nice, but Sammy... it wouldn't be true!"

"Oh, okay." slumped shoulders...as if I'd just announced that her birthday is never going to happen again (although for an almost 4 year old, a month might very well seem about as far away as "never".)

It struck me then how often we (read: I) have this same sort of conversation with our Father. 

"I can't believe that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.  What about all those people who are not Christians?  Do they all go to Hell?  I think that there's one God, but many paths to Him."

I can't stand here and claim to know who's going to Heaven and who's going to Hell.  But I can say that Jesus told us how to get to Heaven.  Not liking it doesn't make it any less than God's Truth.

"The idea that Jesus is the only way to Heaven is ludicrous.  How can the path to God be so narrow?"

Yes, the path is narrow, but the Truth is that it is available to every person who ever lived.

"I think Jesus was just a good example of how we're supposed to live.  I don't have to let Him rule my life or anything.  As long as I'm doing more good than bad, I'll go to Heaven."

It might be nice if that were the case, but it's simply not True. (but I've gotta say, having the burden of living a life that's "good enough" would not be nice if you're asking me)

"Hell?  For an eternity?  That doesn't make sense.  Why would God let anyone go to Hell if He loves us?"

It would be nice if Hell wasn't a reality, but it is.  Believing that it's not, doesn't change Truth one little bit.  And he does love us.  That's precisely why he offers us the gift of Heaven.

"I'm a Christian.  Why is my life such a mess?  Why doesn't God fix this for me?  Shouldn't life be easier now that I've become a child of God?  Maybe I bought into a lie."

This is one I struggle with, personally.  But each time I have doubts about my faith because I'm suffering, God reminds me of His Truth.  He loves me.  He saved me.  I'll still suffer in this life, but I won't be alone.  

"Jesus died for my sins?  Are you calling me a sinner? Well, I'm offended by that.  I'm a good person and always have been.  At the very least, I've grown up a lot and am a good person now."

Yes, you're a sinner.  I'm a sinner too.  Remember, we don't get to decide what sin is...God does.  And the Truth is that everyone has sinned.  

And when I do mess up?  I take care of it myself.  I don't need anyone else to take the fall for me."

Especially here in this "I'll do it myself" independent country, this is a popular belief.  It feels good - it lets us feel like we're in control of our own life...in control of the outcome.  But it's not True.  Christ died for our sins, whether we believe it or not.

"What do you mean I need Jesus?  This spirituality works for me.  I can feel it - I'm right with God."

Yeah, I know...we're all about doing what "feels right" or what "works for you".  But it's not True, and there's no getting around it!

In fact, let's go back to the example of Samantha's birthday.  Let's say that Samantha was so incredibly upset that she wasn't having a birthday party TOMORROW that we decided to just go ahead and celebrate with her tomorrow.  We'd have friends over.  We'd have cake.  We'd have lots of fun, and we'd even have presents and singing. 

Sammy would be happy.  She'd get to live for a day in the belief that it's her birthday.  

In short, it  would "work for her".  And while opening her gifts, it would certainly "feel right and good."

But it simply wouldn't change the fact one little bit:  it is not her birthday tomorrow.  No amount of pretending will change the date of her birth!

It would sort of be like getting on an airplane that's flying to Detroit.  But you want to go to Honolulu, you say?  You can sit in your chair the entire trip believing that you're going to Honolulu.  You can even sing about it.  You can write about it.  You can proclaim it for all the passengers to hear.  

But guess what...you're going to end up in Detroit, my friend.

So how about you?  Are you believing any lies? My conversation with a very passionate and earnest 3 year old today sure opened my eyes!  I plan to spend some time praying for God to make me aware of any lies I might have accepted as Truth.  

Some commonly-believed lies for you to consider:

1.  There's no God.

2.  Jesus was not God.

3.  Jesus did not rise from death.

4.  Jesus did not die for me.

5.  Satan is not real.

6.  Hell is not real.

7.  As long as I live a good life, I'll go to Heaven.

8.  I'm doing my best, that's good enough.

9.  God doesn't love me.

10.  God is not real.

11.  I'm a Christian, but it doesn't feel like I'm forgiven.

12.  I'm a Christian, but I don't think I need to tell anyone else about Jesus.

13.  I'm a Christian, but I'm suffering.  God must be punishing me for something.

14.  I'm a Christian, I'm protected from anything bad happening to me.

15.  I'm a Christian, but other people should just do whatever works for them. 

16.  Christianity means being a good person.

17.  Hell is not eternal.

18.  If I live a life that is good enough, I can be like God someday.

19.  God is unconditional love, He's not judgmental.

20.  God just wants me to be happy.  Anything that makes me happy is okay.

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That Darn Humility Stick

Whenever I have a humbling experience seemingly from out of nowhere, I call it "being smacked upside the head with the humility stick".  

I got a good whack today :-)

Don't get me wrong...I'm not under any delusions that I can sing.  I used to be.  You know, back in like the 6th grade when I'd record myself singing "The Greatest Love of All", and then playing it back to hear how I sounded.

In fact, it might have been that very experience that led me to the realization that I really can NOT sing.  Oh well.  I keep hoping and praying that when I get to Heaven, the Lord will do some work on my vocal chords so I can praise Him the way I really want to.

In the mean time, I try to stick to the simple stuff like "Twinkle Twinkle" and "Old Mac Donald".  The kids don't really mind.  Or so I thought...

I was driving in the car this afternoon with Sammy and Thomas in the backseat.  We were all sort of lost in our own worlds.  

My mind was wandering down the road to Wisconsin, where my dear Grandma is in a hospital bed suffering.  I prayed.  I cried a little.  I thought of Grandma and her drawn out "Yellloooo" when she answers the phone, and her witty sense of humor.  I thought of my last trip to Wisconsin.  Grandma was a little unsteady, so I liked to thread my arm through hers and we'd walk arm in arm.  I can still feel her on my arm.

Of course, we can not know who's saved and who's not.  But if you can tell what's going on in a person's heart by the way they live their lives...Grandma is saved.  I am so thoroughly and eternally thankful for that.  I'm thankful that we'll never have to say "goodbye", but rather, "see you later".  Now that's a comfort that none can offer but Jesus.

I love my Jesus.

When I think about Him, I inevitably start to sing whichever hymn comes to mind.  That's what I did in the car. 

It was a quiet song, from my heart more than from my vocal chords.

It's too bad that songs from the heard don't sound more beautiful to the human ear.

From the back seat, Sammy snaps out of her world and says, "Mamma, if you're gonna sing, would you please turn on some music?  Turn it on LOUD."

Well, okay.

I hope the Lord hears my heart more than my voice ;-)

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A Lesson In Grace

Our little Ben has been working hard to try and earn his way to the water park.

It started at the end of last school year.  There was a reading program - if they logged a certain amount of time reading, then they'd earn a pass to the water park.  We tried and encouraged and cajoled.  He just didn't do the job necessary to get the water park pass.

Tears.  Disappointment.  Frustration.  A second chance.

We made a deal with him - if he could stop chewing his fingernails for a long enough time that we actually had to clip them because they were so long...then we'd take him to the water park this summer.

Well, we're down to the last few days of summer vacation....and those fingers are chewed raw.  

He tried - he really did.  There were a couple of fingers that needed to be clipped, but he just couldn't stop completely.

What to do?  The water park is sort of an annual tradition around here (admittedly, it was not wise to gamble like this).  And the other kids...should they suffer because Ben didn't live up to his end of the bargain?  And ME!  What about me?  I want to go to the water park!  :-)

Instead of taking a hard line, we decided that this would be a good opportunity to teach a lesson in grace.

"Hey Ben, what was our deal this summer?"

Slumping shoulders.  No eye contact.  A little tear in the corner of his eye.  "That we could go to the water park if I could stop chewing my nails."

"So, how's it going?  Do we need to clip those nails yet?  Summer's pretty much over, you know."

"I KNOW.  I tried my best, but I just couldn't.  I don't know why - sometimes I chewed my nails when I didn't even think about it!"

"Okay, well since you didn't do your part, what does that mean?"

"We can't go to the water park."

"That was the deal."

Silence.  Pain.  Hurt.  Frustration - he really DID try.

"Do you know what justice is, Ben?"

"What?"

"Justice is getting what you deserve.  If justice is the rule, then what does that mean for our deal?"

"I KNOW - I can't go to the water park!" 

"Do you know what mercy is?"

"What."  Flat response, he doesn't want to talk anymore.  He doesn't want the reminder...the pressure.

"Mercy is NOT getting the punishment you deserve.  If you break a law and you're supposed to go to jail for it, mercy would be that you wouldn't have to go to jail."

Silence ...okay, I guess that doesn't really apply to our situation here.  I'm still trying to form these thoughts myself...

"One last one, Ben.  Do you know what grace is?"

"Yeah, like peace and gentleness.  Like an eagle with it's wings out and just floating in the sky."

"Sort of - you're thinking of the word 'graceful'.  I'm talking about something different.  I'm talking about grace like what God has for us.  Grace is getting something good that you don't deserve."

A cock of the head...thinking, thinking.

"You know we get to go to Heaven, right?  But why?  Why do we get to go to Heaven?"

"Because we love God?"

"Partly, yes.  But also because Jesus did something wonderful for us.  He took our punishment so we don't have to have it.  He took our punishment because he loves us, because he's merciful and just at the same time."

"Okay"

This is getting deep.  I'm losing him...

"So if grace is getting something good - like being able to go to Heaven even though we didn't earn it - how do you think grace might work with our situation?  You get to do something even though you didn't earn it."

A sparkle in the eye.  A cautious grin.  An anxious wiggle of the leg.  He's getting it...

"The water park?"

"Yep, Mommy and Daddy decided to show you how good grace feels.  We're going to take you to the water park even though you didn't earn it."

"WE'RE GOING TO THE WATER PARK!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!"

Well...If he's this excited about the water park, I can't wait to see his reaction when Jesus himself opens the gates of Heaven for him :-)

PS.  Sure this was a good lesson in grace...but now I get to go to the water park!  Can't wait to go on the "Avalanche".  YAHOOOOOOO!

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The Apple Of His Eye

There are seasons in my life during which God seems to be absent. I pray, I cry out, I read. I wonder where he went, and often, wonder what I did wrong to deserve abandonment. I know in my head that He is always with me. But my heart? That's too often a different story.

And then He explodes back into my life. The world is brighter. I can see and feel Him everywhere I look. I'm joyful to report that this day is one of those sweet times.

He whispered in my ear this morning as I snuggled my baby boy in the dark cool morning. He was up too early, and felt like snuggling. It was too late in the morning to force him back to sleep, and it was too early in the morning to just jump right to the activities of the day. Both of us sat in our jammies and bed heads and just rocked and snuggled. We admired the quiet gentle feel of the snow covered world out his bedroom window. I smelled his head. I felt the soft warmth of his cheek against mine. Every now and then a light or swaying tree would catch his eye, and he'd pop his head up, point out the window, and look me straight in the eye as if to say, "Hey, look at that!". I'd smile and nod. Reassured that he'd been understood, he'd rest his head back on my chest.

There are some times in my life that I just want to keep vividly burned in my memory forever.

During our snuggle, as I was overwhelmed almost to tears by my love for this child of mine, He spoke to me. "This is how I love you, my sweet girl."

Oh! Is it possible? Can He take such joy in me that sometimes all He wants to do is sit with me on His lap and nuzzle my neck and feel my soft cheek? Is it possible that He really doesn't have a preference about what I do with my life or how I look or what other people think....that all He wants is to be with me and to see me happy and peaceful and fulfilled? Despite my tendency to continually fall into the trap of feeling like I have to DO something to earn His favor...is it possible that all I must do is sit quietly on His lap and let Him take care of me?

Today...that's my goal. I'm going to think about Him and how awesome He is....how perfectly sufficient and beautiful He is. I'm going to dwell on how thankful I am to be His beloved child. I'm going to rest in His capable arms and set aside my desire to DO, BE, GET, PLAN, TRY.

I've been longing for simplicity in my life. Something tells me that a day like this is a great place to start.

Guard me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings.
-Psalm 17:8

Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge.
- Psalm 62:8

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'Tis The Season For Wanting More

(Cross-Posted at Moms In The Right)

Ah, the Christmas season. The wonderful glistening icicles, the delicate jingle of the bells, and the heavenly smell of a kitchen filled with baked yummies. And one more thing...the seemingly never-ending "need" for more. More of what, I'm not sure. All I know is that despite extravagant abundance and love and joy in my life...I feel like something is missing.

It could be that I'm spending too much time directing my attention to the superficial things like the jingling bells, delicious cookies, and my too quickly declining bank account (not to mention my massively overwhelming break-out-in-tears and keep-me-up-at-night to do list)....and too little time meditating on the real reason for our celebration.

Whatever it is, I've been feeling seriously inadequate lately. Like a fraud. Like I'm failing on all fronts - motherhood, wifehood (I know it's not a word), photographer-hood (I know!).

So when I came across this old post, I thought it might be a good one to run for this week's Seek The Lord Sunday on the off chance that someone else out there might be feeling a bit overwhelmed or inadequate.

I might not be the best wife or mom who ever walked the earth. I am certainly not the best photographer who ever lived. I am simply Daiquiri Rose, and He made me just like this on purpose! I am doing my very best. With His help and strength, it is enough.

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This post was originally published January 6, 2008

I was just cleaning up some files on my computer, and came across a document titled "Lessons From Kids". I opened it up, and couldn't believe that I'd forgotten about that file! It was filled with all sorts of sweet stories from when my older kids were smaller, and it brought back such great memories. It turns out that it was perfect for me to find tonight, because I've been feeling so...discontent...so mediocre.

Part of my problem is that I've been reading lots of blogs lately. Instead of feeling inspired or encouraged or energized, I feel - I don't know - less than "them" somehow. Less artsy. Less of a good mom. Less of a good friend. Less of a good Christian (whatever that means, anyway). Just less.

But after reading through that file I mentioned above, I'm suddenly feeling much better. One of the "lessons" I wrote about way back when was just what I needed to be reminded of tonight. I decided to share it with you just in case you could use the reminder too. Here it is:

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My little baby boy is almost 4 years old. He has stayed home with me since the day he was born, but is spending more and more time away from home and with his little buddies and at preschool lately. He's blossomed into a considerate, social little man and I am so very proud of him. But he's developed one behavior that bothers me terribly: he started laughing with a goofy, fake laugh that he describes as “really cool”. I don’t know who he learned it from, but I don’t like it.

It struck me one day that it’s really just an innocent thing, so why does it bother me so much when he does it? I spent some time thinking about it, and I finally realize that it bothers me because it simply isn't Ben’s laugh. I miss his genuine giggle. I cringe every time I hear that fake laugh…it just is not him.

I wonder how often our Father cringes to see us behaving in a way that he knows is just not us? We may think it makes us look intelligent, grown up…”really cool”, but the Lord knows us better than anyone. He knows when we are being genuine and when we’re faking it or trying to be like someone we're not. I wonder if he feels as disappointed as I do when I’m missing Benjamin’s real laugh?

Instead of living my life to be what I think other people might like or expect…instead of living my life to be even what I might like or expect…I want to live my life in a way that does honor to the person my Father made me to be. At the end of the day I just want to be His kid. I know He loves me just as I am. In fact, He made me like this on purpose and He'd miss the real me if I were anything else.

Seek The Lord Sunday Participants

1. Linda - Nickers and Ink 2. Vanessa ~ The Cost of Love

3. Linda - The Mane Point 4. Deanna

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More Of Him, Less Of Me

(Cross-Posted at Moms In The Right)

This is my sweet Clara's latest collection. She gathered these rose petals from under a rose bush in our front yard, and she loves them. She carefully placed them in this glass, and filled it with water for the petals to "drink". Every now and then she'll pour fresh water in, and she likes to keep it on the table next to the vase of flowers I have as a centerpiece.

To be perfectly honest, I'm keeping these sad little petals around because of my love for Clara, not because I like them. She's proud of them. She nurtures them. She thinks they're beautiful. She even thinks they smell nice.

But me? All I can think when I see them is that they're so...dead.

The edges are browned and curling. They're turning a bit slimy soaking in that glass of water. But Clara? She sees nothing but beauty! I keep hoping that she will look in that glass and see what I do so that she can be the one to make the decision to dump them out (but I'm afraid it's going to be left to me).

As long as I'm being honest, I guess I should admit that the brown spots and slime are not the only things that I dislike about those precious petals of Clara's. Those darn petals...they made me think, and I don't like it one little bit!

When I saw the proud look on my daughter's face over a glass of slimy, browning, dead flower petals...I thought, "I wonder what my flower petals are?"

You know, something that I think is beautiful, but that God thinks is getting a little ugly...or maybe something that I think smells nice, but that smells rotten to God?

All week I've been asking myself and asking God, "What is in my life that I think is wonderful, something I'm possibly even nurturing...but to God's all knowing and wise eyes is actually dead?"

It can sometimes be hard to know what's of value and what's not. But it's worth figuring out, because I want my life to be about something bigger than me. I want it to be about something more than the endless and unfulfilling quest for wealth or popularity or worldly "success". I want my life to be considered a success based on God's standards, not on worldly standards.

Precious Lord, I stand here with all I have...all of who I am and every breath you see fit to give me...and I offer it back to you. Where I am living for worldly success, please show me. Please guide me and change me. You living in me is my only hope for a life of any value. So empty me, Lord. Empty me of my pride and my selfishness and my desire for worldly success. And then fill me with you and the fruits of your Spirit. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for nurturing me and helping me to grow in you. Amen.

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"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work." 1 Corinthians 3:12-13

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What about you? Did you seek the Lord this week? Share what you learned! Please remember to link only to your STLS post and not to your main page.

Seek The Lord Sunday Participants

1. Everyday Becky (Faithfully Fit)

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You Get What You Get, And You Don't Throw A Fit!

Happy weekend, everyone! I hope you're having a good one :)

This week, we're writing about a lesson we've learned recently. What has God been showing you...teaching you?

Personally, I learn a lot of God's lessons from my children. This week was no different. Clara, my 5 year old, taught me this important lesson.

For those of you with 5 year olds, you've probably heard, "It's not Faaaaair!" many times. I'm beginning to think it's about all she can say these days, and it is driving me positively crazy! I can't seem to do anything that's "fair" in her eyes. Someone always has more than her...more computer time, more snuggles, more ice cream, more books, more time with friends. Even I've begun to look at the world differently. As I'm dividing up the dessert into the kids' bowls, I'm thinking, "Okay, now will Clara think that this looks fair?"

Well, just a few days ago, it really came to a head. I gave the kids bowls of grapes as a snack. Knowing that Clara would immediately look at her bowl and compare it to the contents of her siblings' bowls and bellow, "Hey! They have more than me, that's not fair!", I actually counted the grapes as they went in the bowls. Yes, I counted them. Each and every bowl got exactly 15 grapes. Exactly.

And what did Clara think? You guessed it...not fair. I'd had it. My blood began to boil a bit after all my effort to make it not only fair, but precisely and exactly fair. I took a deep breath and said (I wish more calmly),

"Clara, it IS fair. It's perfectly fair. I counted the grapes and you have exactly as many grapes as your brother and sister. It only looks unfair to you because you automatically assume that it's not fair and that you're getting the short stick.

And do you know what else? When you are always looking at what other people have and wanting it for yourself....do you know what that's called? It's called coveting, my dear, and it's no good. In fact, God even talks about it in the Bible. He says we shouldn't do it. Do you know why? Because when you're so busy looking at someone else's stuff, you're too busy to enjoy the blessings sitting right in front of you. Like that bowl of grapes...they're delicious. Why don't you just look at that bowl, and say "YUM!", thank me for giving them to you, an enjoy them?!

And that reminds me...I am your Mommy, Clara. I love you very very much, and I always do things fairly. And if I don't? Well, then there's a darn good reason for it, and you're just going to have to trust me. Sometimes you just get what you get, and you don't throw a fit. NOW EAT YOUR 15 GRAPES!"

As you can imagine, she looked at me with those beautiful, wide, green eyes of hers. Then she looked at her bowl. Then she said, "yummy, thank you Mommy", and enjoyed the heck out of those grapes!

Of course, I had to apologize to her for getting so upset...but the lesson, it seemed to sink in a bit! And even more importantly, I learned a thing or two about coveting.

Logically...intelectually...I've always understood that we "shall not covet". I understood what coveting was and I could recognize it in my own life. But until that moment with my precious girl, I had never really grasped what it must do to God's heart when we covet. What a blessing it was to be taught that lesson.

In the spirit of really Seeking The Lord this Sunday, I've done a search of the Bible for some scripture that talks about coveting and, it's opposite, contentment. I found some interesting passages. First, the obvious:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." Exodus 20:17

And then I found this one in Romans 13:9:
"The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself.""

This Romans passage really hit a nerve with me too, because it described another reason that Clara's coveting was so painful for me. Not only was she not enjoying her blessings and not trusting me...but she was wanting less for her brother and sister! As their Mommy, it always breaks my heart when they're not a team...when they're not rooting for each other....when they're not wanting the best for one another. And when Clara wanted what Ben had? She wanted more for herself and less for him. She was not loving him as herself.

And then there's Hebrews 13:5:
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.""

And Philippians 4:11-12:
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Now we're getting to the heart of it, aren't we? It all comes back to Him...it always does :) We are to avoid coveting, and choose contentment. But why? Because we have HIM. He will never leave us. He will never forsake us. And everything we need to do? We can do it through Him.

So really...what do we need to covet? We are complete in him. We are daughters and sons of the King of Kings...princesses and princes! So let's get to the business of enjoying our blessings and loving one another...really loving one another...even if it means that someone will end up with "more" and it won't be "fair".


P.S. I've written about contentment before. If you'd like to read that post, click HERE.

Seek The Lord Sunday Participants

1. Home with Amy 2. Untypically Jia 3. Amanda (my new blog)

4. Peggy@Mazes... 5. Mama Belle 6. Kimberly

7. Sheila @ The Faithful Follower 8. Andrea

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The Heart Of A Man

My heart just about burst with pride this evening as I saw my oldest son grow right before my eyes.

It started as I was getting the kids to bed. Clara and Benjamin came walking up to me, each holding one end of something long and black. Clara said, "Look what we found in the play room Mommy. It's yours!"

It was the chest strap to my heart rate monitor.

"Hey! That IS mine! How did it end up in the play room? That's not okay!"

I looked back and forth between their two faces. Their pride in presenting me with something they knew belonged to me had vanished and was replaced with a fear of getting in trouble.

"Not me!", they said in unison.

"Well, I certainly didn't put it up there. One of you must have. Who? I expect honesty."

"Samantha must have done it", suggested Benjamin.

"No. I keep it on top of my dresser, and Sammy can't reach up there."

"Now who?"

Silence.

"Okay, well, no allowance for either of you until I get honesty from whoever took it."

The evening went on. Teeth...brushed. Jammies...on. Room...straightened. Faces...washed. Books...chosen.

I ran downstairs to grab something, and on my way back up, Benjamin met me in the middle.

"Mommy? You know that black strap thing? I took it from your room. I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was so important to you."

I could see the fear in his eyes, but also the relief of having told the truth.

"Oh, Benjamin. I do wish you hadn't taken something that wasn't yours, but I am very proud of you for telling me the truth. I forgive you, Sweetie."

Big hugs. I could feel his heart pounding.

"Were you a little afraid to tell me the truth?"

I was expecting a simple "Yeah", but out gushed: "YES. I was. It was so confusing. My heart (pointing to his chest) was telling me to be honest, but my head (pointing to his right temple) was telling me 'Trouble!' I just didn't know what to do!"

Oh, did I have to fight back the tears to respond to him! I was almost choking on my tears of pride.

"Yeah, it can be confusing. I know how that feels, I've felt that way before too. It's a yucky feeling, huh? Do you feel better now that you told me the truth?"

"Yeah."

"Try to remember how yucky it felt to lie to me the next time you're confused, okay? Maybe it will help you to remember that it's always best to tell the truth."

"Okay."

"Do you know what you did tonight, Benjamin? Do you know what you did when you were brave and told me the truth? When you did the right thing even though it might have gotten you in big trouble?"

"What?"

"You did what a man does. This shows me that you're growing into a very good man, and I'm so proud of you."

(A quiet nod from Ben)

"And do you know what else it shows me?"

"What?"

"It shows me that Jesus is talking to you, and that you're listening. It's not always easy to do, but it's so very important. He loves you very much, and He will never lead you down the wrong path."


"Yeah! I hear him talking to me in a little voice all the time!"

Oh my...now I was REALLY fighting the tears and was covered in goose-bumps.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that Jesus is proud of you tonight too."

"Yeah", with a proud smile and a big hug.

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Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you for this little boy who is already showing the heart of a man. Not any man. Your man. Thank you for saving him, and for being so near to him each day. I pray you'll continue to guide his steps. And keep his ears open, Lord. Keep them open so that he can always hear your voice. I pray you'll protect his future. Do great things with this boy, Lord. He loves you so much already. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

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Please...Let Me Be The Mommy!

Have I mentioned yet that I'm pretty sure that I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome? No joke! By the end of the day I have shooting pains from my neck to my finger tips, and the palm of my right hand is just throbbing. I think it's from mouse-clicking all the time. Or maybe it's from wagging my finger back and forth as I scold my kids ;)

Seriously though...something is going on. It's quite the crisis for me! This computer stuff is my hobby...my outlet...my very sanity! What can I do? Avoid the computer?! Ha!

The only reason I mention it is to explain the drop in my writing. I used to get an idea, run to the computer, and by the end of the day I'd have 3 or 4 posts published! But now? Well, I've had to just do one and then step (drag myself) away from the computer.

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On another note, I wanted to share a brief "lesson from the kids" today. Why do I always tend to do these on Friday, I wonder??

My sweet Clara Rose...bless her curious, energetic, helpful heart. She is constantly wanting to take care of things for me when it comes to mothering the little ones. She scolds Sammy, she tends to Thomas, she fetches the nail clippers and diaper ointment for me, and she kisses owies. She will be an amazing mommy some day.

But for now...she's pretty much driving me crazy!

I know she has a willing and helpful heart when she "helps", but it usually causes more trouble than not. Thomas ends up crying. Sammy ends up frustrated and screaming. The milk gets spilled. Samantha is confused by getting her marching orders from more than one "mom". What to do?

I've found myself saying the same thing over and over lately, "Clara, please just let me be the mommy, okay?"

Well, after a week like I had this week...working double time to get pretty much nothing done...I feel like I'm the one working hard only to wind up with spilled milk and a scolding! Ever had a week or a day like that? Every single thing you try to do is just so much WORK...only to have it backfire anyway??

As I was again reminding Clara to "let me be the mommy" this morning, I felt that still small voice speaking to my heart, "And you, my love, just need to let me be the Daddy!"

I realized then just how little time I had spent in conversation with the Lord lately. Ahh, when will I learn?

So this weekend is, for me, a time to reconnect. A time to just rest in the fact that He is the Daddy. He is the one responsible for taking care of things, for getting the work done, for healing hurts, and for providing the necessities. I don't have to work so hard. This weekend, I'm going to focus on letting him be the Daddy.

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Don't forget to come by Sunday and participate in "Seek The Lord Sunday". See you then...

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Who Are You Going To Believe?

For some reason, I tend to do the "Lessons From The Kids" posts on Fridays. I'm not sure why. Today is no different...here's a good one:

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Ben was about 4, Clara about 3

I was driving in the car with Ben and Clara, when Clara (as always) kicked off her shoes.

Benjamin immediately piped up, “Naughty Clara! Now you can’t come into the store with us. You’ll have to stay in the car!”

Clara got an anxious look on her face and said, “Mommy, I come in with you?”

“Of course you can come in. I’d never leave you alone in the car, sweetie.”

Clara reported my response to Ben, but he continued to taunt her with his threat of leaving her alone in the car. She would ask me again if she could come, and I would reassure her. This discussion went round and round for several minutes, until I finally tired of it. Clara was getting very upset, and her big brother was enjoying his ability to get under her skin!

Benjamin finally said very firmly, “No, you CAN’T come in!”, so Clara asked me once again, and I reassured her that “Of course she could come in with us”. She responded with, “But Ben keeps saying I can’t!”

I paused, trying to figure out how to reassure her once and for all. Finally, I just said, “Who are you going to believe, Benjamin or Mommy?” Clara thought about it, and her face brightened. She turned to her brother and said with certainty and plenty of spunk, “I CAN come in the store – Mommy said I could!”

How much time do we all spend choosing to listen to and believe the wrong one...the father of lies?

God reassures us time and time again that He loves us, He cares for us, we have no reason to fear, that we will be with Him in Heaven some day, that there is no longer condemnation for us, and that all works to the good of God’s children…I could go on!

And yet our enemy continues to taunt us with his ridicule and judgments. He tries to convince us that we’re not good enough for Heaven, that this whole ‘Jesus thing’ is just a fairy tale, that God’s Word is a lie, that God doesn’t really care for us, and even that God hurts us intentionally for His good pleasure! Well…who are we going to believe?

Who are you going to believe today?

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You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is the word of God. 12Those along the path are the ones who hear, and then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. Luke 8:11-12

and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:27

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. Ephesians 6:11

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Jesus, Matthew 28:19-20 (emphasis mine)

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Parenting Dilemma Part 2

Some of you may have already read about yesterday's parenting dilemma. What do you think? What would you have done? I promised to write about how I handled it, so here's the end of the story...

Several hours passed after our last conversation where Clara said that she didn't want to tell me the truth because she was afraid of getting into trouble. I was waiting for Clara to initiate a conversation with me, but it turns out that "Mommy, I made a mistake when I lied to you, would you forgive me? I did hit my sister, and I'm sorry"....just a little too much to expect from a 5 year old who feels like she got away with her "crime". So I started the conversation back up again.

"Clara, are you ready to tell me the truth yet?"

"No. I don't want to get into trouble."

"OK. Well, I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm going to give you this one last opportunity to tell me the truth. Now...did you hit Samantha earlier?"

"No" (said with all the tell-tale signs of someone who is not telling the truth)

"Clara, I heard you hit her. I heard you arguing, I heard the sound of hitting, then I heard you run away, and I heard Samantha start to cry. I know that you hit her and that you just lied to me."

Clara started crying because she knew she'd had it.

"Now you'll have to have the discipline for both hitting your sister AND for lying to Mommy. What do you think would have happened if you had told me the truth?"

"I would have only been in trouble for hitting?"

"That's right."

So I followed through with the discipline for lying and for hitting. Clara wasn't happy...discipline is always tough to swallow even when you know you've messed up. But the best part...after all that discussing and disciplining and crying...we had a really great talk.

"Clara, how did you feel inside when you were lying to me? Did it feel fun and good, or did it feel yucky and a little scary?"

"Yucky."

"It felt yucky for me too because it made me feel so sad. Do you know why it's important to always tell me the truth?"

"No. I don't like getting into trouble."

"It's important because you always telling me the truth is one of the things I count on to keep you safe. It's also important because God tells us that we shouldn't lie to each other. Another important reason is that when people love each other, one of the ways we show our love is to treat each other with honesty and respect. It hurt me when you lied. It hurt a lot."

"Sorry Mommy."

"Now, tell me the truth Clara. Did you hit your sister?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what? I love you very much. I'll always love you even when you make bad choices and when you lie to me. It makes me feel good that you told me the truth just now and that you said 'sorry'. Do you feel better inside now that you told me the truth?"

"Yes."

"And, hey, do you know what else?"

"What?"

"I forgive you. I forgive you just like Jesus forgives us when we tell him the truth and say 'sorry'. He loves you no matter what too."

(Big sighs and hugs)

"Do you want to talk about this any more?"

"No."

"Me either. Let's be all done and go make dinner."

"OK!"

And then it was just...done.

And of course, as always, I think I learned more from this than she even did. I experienced the role of forgiver, and it was really interesting to be on that end for once!

So what did I learn about forgiveness?

- First, I learned how very crucial repentance is. Every now and then when I don't feel like owning up to something with God, I think "Hey, he knows my heart. He knows that I regret what I did. He knows I learned my lesson and won't do it again." But that is not the same as repentance. Clara felt "yucky" about lying too...but it was very hurtful to me that she wouldn't come and talk with me about it and make it right! It wasn't until I heard her admit the truth and she apologized that I felt our relationship could be truly restored. Eye opening! It takes a certain amount of humility and effort to really repent...talk to God, admit my mistake, and apologize...but that effort and humility are very important.

- Second, once we were done talking about it, it was simply OVER. I don't feel the desire to keep reminding her of the incident. And I don't want her to keep bringing it up either. Sometimes I feel the need to continually ask for forgiveness, or to continually tell God how awful I feel. But if Clara did this? I think I'd respond with something like, "Haven't we been through this already? It's over! Let's move on!" I think I'll try to do a little movin' on myself.

- Third, I gained a little insight in to the idea of God's faithfulness. What if God was less faithful? Sometimes I wish he was less faithful, to be honest! I don't like being disciplined. Sometimes I'd rather he just say "Aww, well I'll let it slide this time." But what if I had done that with Clara? She would have missed out on learning an important lesson about honesty. She would have been left with that yucky feeling in her heart indefinitely. And she wouldn't know what to expect from me in the future. God's faithfulness...his consistency to always do what he says he'll do...what peace there is in that! Even when it means short term suffering in the form of discipline, it's so much better than not knowing what to expect from him. What a scary way to live that would be.

- And Fourth, I learned just how important it is for me to remain faithful...consistent...dependable. For all the reasons that I'm thankful that God is faithful, those are the reasons that I want to offer that peace of mind to my loved ones.

Nothing like a light hearted, no-brainer post for a Friday afternoon, eh?!

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"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." Acts 13:38

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deuternonomy 7:9

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

"Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you." Deuteronomy 8:5

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty." Job 5:17

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Lesson From The Kids: Judging Others

Well, with all the terrible stories from yesterday behind (hee hee) us, I thought it might be a good day for another "Lesson From the Kids." This took place when Ben was about 4 years old:

I was in our garden picking berries with Benjamin. We had our defined jobs...I was picking the ones that had become over-ripe, and was throwing them away. Ben’s job was to focus only on the juicy red ones that would be good for dessert. He was eating more than he was gathering, but hey, that's half the fun.

But then he started to watch what I was doing and decided that he wanted to help me do my job. He started trying to pick the bad ones, and made a terrible mess of things…eating yucky ones, putting raspberries in the wrong bowls, throwing out good ones, and getting confused about how to decide what was good and bad. I had to continually remind him that it was mommy’s job, and mommy’s job only, to decide which berries were to be thrown out. He was to only look for the yummy ones, and to treat them with TLC so that we could have them for dessert.

When I found this story in my file this morning, I felt that all too familiar feeling of conviction. You know what I mean? It's that gentle, yet firm, voice or feeling that says "You, my dear one, need to pay attention to this lesson!"

I'm paying attention.

I cringe this morning as I realize how I am often guilty of judging others....even though the Bible is clear...it is not my job to do so.

I'm reminded of an analogy: we are to be witnesses, and witnesses only. We are not the defense attorney. We are not the prosecuting attorney. We are not the jury. And no...we are not the judge. All we are called to do is to be a witness - to faithfully, truthfully, and with love, tell the world about OUR experience with the Lord. The rest is His work.

Now...are we supposed to sit idly by when we see lies being circulated? No. It is OK to make a judgement call and to act when we see deception being promoted. More than OK...we are called to fight for Truth.

Ephesians 6:14-18
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Many people hold the belief that a Christian is not supposed to fight...that they are supposed to be only loving and accepting of all people and all circumstances. When we stand for the truth we are accused of being "un-Christ like" or "closed minded". But remember...even Jesus got really, really mad! Remember when he stormed into the temple court and turned tables and hollered and drove people out with a whip? Yeah! That's my Jesus!

Why did he do that? He did it because he saw sin going on, and God is not accepting of sin. We are to stand for righteousness. We are to stand up for the Truth of God.

But, let me get back to my point. What is my point? My point is just to remind you (and myself) of this:

1 Corinthians 4:4-6

My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

And this:

1 Corinthians 5:12
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside God will judge those outside.

As Christians, we are not called to judge the hearts of men. It is only up to God to judge because he is the only one who is qualified to do the job. He is the only one who can see the motives of men's hearts. He is the only one who can see what is hidden in darkness.

And you know what? When I really think about it, I'm relieved that it's not my job. That job is a big responsibility...a big burden. I'm happy to let the One who is qualified do it.

So now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go focus on only the "good berries." I'm going to focus on the amazing blessings that God has given me. I'm going to focus on what I am called to do with my time...care for my family and for myself, read my Bible, encourage and love my Christian brothers and sisters, and to try and let my little light shine just a bit.

PS. I would be neglectful if I didn't ask: Do you know about Jesus? Do you want to know more? Do you want to know how to have that relationship with him that you keep hearing about? If so, click HERE. These folks explain everything really well, and can take you through it step by step. Blessings to you!

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