Pruning

 

The past two years have been some of my most painful.

Have you been through a time like this...everything is just fine.  Great, even.  All seems to be in order and on track for goodness.  And then, it's as if a switch is flipped, and suddenly everything feels like it's on it's head.  You hardly know which way to look and all you can think is, "What is happening?!"

That's how it began for me.

Life was "in order and on track"...

Our oldest child had graduated from college and was doing well.  Our second oldest was almost done with college too.  Our third had her eyes set on a school in Florida.  Our youngest was absolutely killing it as a high school student and athlete.  The kids were happy and healthy - thriving.  Thank You, Lord!

Business was good to the point where my husband took a job at our beloved church - a passion project for him.  Who knows that church work doesn't pay the greatest...you don't serve at church for the money!  He was helping, serving, and absolutely loving his new role.  It's wonderful to see my guy happy and eager to go to work each day.  We adore our church family.

I was serving at church as a volunteer - growing and learning and serving.  Oh, the heart of love God's placed in me for our church family!  I could burst with it each time I walk through the doors!

We had just sold our little house and moved to our dream property on 7 acres of rolling hills, stream, and woods.  My husband had gutted the house, and re-built it to our liking.  I was so eager to get my hands in the dirt to build gardens, do landscaping, and really transform the neglected land.

All of our decisions were based on assumptions of business continuing to be good, and our bodies being able to do what they'd always been able to do...

And then the switch flipped

The company I was with changed their structure, and our income literally disappeared.  I'd built and nurtured and prayed for that business for 14 years...and it was just...gone.  I wasn't angry or bitter because business is business.  Things change.  I just wasn't expecting it, and the loss was scary because we had major financial commitments to banks and to our kids. 

We learned of the loss just weeks after moving into the new property, and a few days after signing the papers on a new work truck for my husband.

And we still had 2 1/2 kids to help through college! 

We were not willing to default.

We were not willing to tell our kids "sorry, it's on you now".

We were reeling from the change and mulling over our options when my body seemed to start breaking down.

I'd had a tenderness in my left knee for months, but it suddenly became unbearable so I headed to the doctor where I was told I had a torn meniscus.  Within just a week of that diagnosis, I was back in the doctor's office with unbearable pain in my OTHER knee. 

"What in the world are you doing?  This knee has a tear too!", the doctor told me.

I was beside myself with pain, frustration, discouragement, and confusion.

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING?

I felt like a total failure as our finances and my body seemed to fall to pieces.  I was accustomed to contributing to our family in meaningful ways...and suddenly I was small and weak and needing help instead of to be a help.

Worse yet, I missed out on family fun.  I couldn't go on hikes. I sat on the sidelines while everyone played pickleball.  I had to be "dropped off at the door" instead of walking with my family. And it seemed to be snowballing...the less physical activity I did, the softer and more inflamed my body got.  The smallest activity left me hurting and exhausted.

Each week, I continued to serve at church.  One of my roles is to pray at the altar with people when the come forward for prayer.  I prayed for the healing of finances and bodies time and time again, and I saw God move.  Bodies were literally miraculously healed.  Jobs and windfalls came people's way.  Relationships healed.  Prodigals returned home.  Demons fled.  Hope was restored.  Rejection was rejected.  

I absolutely rejoiced for the goodness of God...but was definitely feeling left out and maybe rejected by God.  I prayed (and received prayer) for the same provision and healing I saw God supplying for others...but I was left suffering.

I cried out to the Lord time and time and time again..."Lord, if this is on me, please show me.  If I'm being disobedient or if I'm in sin, please show me so I can make it right!  Search my heart, Lord.  You know me inside and out.  You know me better than I know myself.  I want to be true and pure before you."

Crickets

I LONGED for discipline!  Even if it's painful for a short time, discipline from God is always in His love and gentleness.  And the best part, is that it's a turning point to get straightened out.  If I was wayward somehow, I wanted to know so I could repent and be made whole.

A sense of total defeat and dread seemed to settle on me.  I didn't know what to do. Was this just how life was going to be for me now? 

As I sobbed in the shower one day, I found myself crying out to God again, "What is happening?!"...I admit I didn't expect an answer.  My hope was gone.  I'd come to terms with "crickets" even though the silence hurt.

Through the fog of hopelessness, I heard that still, small voice of God say a single word:

"PRUNING"

The unexpected answer left me breathless as I let that word tumble through my spirit and mind for a few moments. 

I sensed the presence of the Lord like I hadn't in a long time, which made afraid to move.

I stood in His peace for a moment, and worked up my courage to ask..."Lord, can I ask?  Is it ok to ask?"

I sensed His smile on me as I came to Him as such a small and vulnerable child. So I asked...

"What are you pruning, Lord?  And could you please maybe sharpen the shears and just lop it off quickly to get this torturous process over with?"

Again, I sensed His gentleness and delight...but also a seriousness, like He was aware that this was painful for me and it wasn't something He enjoyed.  There was a sense that it was necessary work for Him to do because He loves me and wants the best for me...but it's not fun for either of us.

And then, oh the joy...an answer! (I really didn't expect Him to explain Himself to me  - I was just thrilled to be back in communication).  But He did!  He answered!

"I'm pruning you of self-sufficiency"

Oh, the explosion of understanding that overtook me!

The ways in which I'd been suffering were areas in life where I was strong.

But we are not called to be strong, are we?  In fact, we are specifically called to be weak in our own strength.  We are called to rejoice in our weaknesses because then God's strength can shine through.

That teaching can make for a nice little discussion during Bible study, but do we really think about what it means for our personal lives?  I admit, I hadn't.  Not really.

I'd prayed "More of you, less of me" countless times.  Sang the songs, even.

I'd asked Him...begged Him!... to remove anything in my life that wasn't of Him.  And now, I found myself sitting in the suffering of that answered prayer!

The ways of the world love to tell us that we need to be strong, doesn't it?  It loves to encourage us to "be your best self". It loves to celebrate strength and "making it happen" and "just do it".

But the way of the Kingdom of God tells us to be weak.

The way of the Kingdom tells us to die to self.

The way of the Kingdom celebrates submission and obedience to the Lord...even when we don't feel like it. To submit ourselves to the pruning shears even when it hurts like crazy.

How are my knees?  What about our finances?  Did we keep the house?  Is my husband still working at church? There are many more angles and aspects to the this story I long to tell, but the point of this particular writing is to encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Be encouraged in your painful seasons.

You might be experiencing loss and pain...but maybe it's actually an answer to your very own prayer for more of Him and less of you.

Maybe it's not failure or rejection at all...but the tender and gentle hand of the Father who loves you and is shaping your life to better reflect His nature and heart.  Know that you are in His love, and get your hopes up for seasons of more and more fruitfulness in your life...for your benefit, and His glory! 

xoxo Daiq

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:1-2

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

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If Something Can Steal Your Joy (PART 2)

 

Typically, all I need to do to get the incessant thoughts running through my mind to stop is to write it out. That's what I did yesterday...yet...here we are haha!


I shared yesterday about my journey the last 18 months and how it became clear to me that the Lord had been scrubbing my life and heart clean of idols.  I didn't really think about those things as idols until I heard the quote "If something can steal your joy, it's become an idol".

SO many things...good things, even!...had become "idols" based on that quote's reasoning.  My joy was unhealthily rooted in things other than the Lord, which left me tossing from joy to despair based on life's circumstances.  


But in my sharing the way I did yesterday, did I leave people feeling dread, fear, or worse...did I leave people thinking that God is cruel or unfeeling?  I want to clear that up right this minute!


The heart of God is kind, gentle, and tender.  AND He's fierce in His love and devotion to His children.  The Bible even describes Him as a jealous God. (Exodus 20:4-5)  In fact, this section of scripture is speaking specifically about idol worship!


We have a confused way of thinking of jealousy.  In our culture, we often confuse holy jealousy with mere coveting.  God is not wringing His hands wishing He had something someone else has (coveting).  "Jealousy" in this passage refers to a passionate zeal.  Uncompromising.  Unwilling to share what belongs to Him.

Bottom line - He takes His relationship with us VERY seriously.  He is in covenant with His people.  It's an emotional and legal agreement that He sealed with His own blood - that's how serious it is to Him!

"Jealousy" as we often use the word gives the impression of pettiness or silliness.  There is nothing petty or silly about this though.


Instead, this is like a husband's protective and passionate heart for his precious bride.  Do we criticize a man for loving his wife and not wanting her affections to be for another?  Of course not!  Devotion and single-mindedness to a spouse is beautiful and holy.  In fact, earthy marriage is meant to be a reflection of God and His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:32).



THAT is the kind of jealousy we're talking about here.  



So did "God hurt me" because of the idolatry in my life?

I endured some pain, yes.  But it was MY actions that caused the pain, not God's.  



An illustration:  Think of a rough piece of wood.  A child wants to know how it feels, so they reach out their hand to feel it's texture.  Their loving parent says, "Watch out!  That will leave you with slivers of wood in your hand!"...yet the curious child runs their hand along the wood anyway.

Big surprise...a hand full of slivers is the result.

The loving parent carefully and gently pulls the slivers out to stop the pain and to avoid infection.  But the process of pulling them is painful in itself!

So...is the parent to blame here?  Did the parent cause the suffering?  The parent did what was necessary to protect the long term health of the child, and it was a painful process.  But the root cause of the overall suffering was the child being out of order (disobedient).




It's similar in my idolatry lesson... 

The process for removing the "slivers" was necessary for my long term overall health, and most importantly, for my relationship with the Lord.  And the process stung a bit.



But the reason the slivers were there were all on me.  Not that I willfully disobeyed...I was just way too "self" focused....what made sense to me?  What was logical?  What made the human financial math work? What were other humans saying?



The Kingdom of God is not logic and mathematical and based on man's thoughts or words.



Often times, the Kingdom seems backwards and upside down.  This makes me think of the scripture about "seeing in a mirror dimly" (1 Corinthians 13:12).  Maybe it's ACTUALLY and LITERALLY like we're looking in a dim mirror...maybe that wasn't a figure of speech at all!  Maybe the TRUTH is literally backwards from what I'm seeing, just like my reflection in a mirror is backward from what others see when they see me "face to face" (1 Cor 13:12 again).

So we're asked to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7)

We sometimes think of living by faith as difficult because (by definition) we can't SEE what's going on, and we're taught early that "seeing is believing".  But could it be that this is a very practical way of instructing us since everything "by sight" is actually backwards?


Walking by sight will lead us the wrong way nearly every single time.  We are instructed to follow the leading of the Lord by faith...to live in a way where we know and trust Him so much, that we simply do and go whatever and wherever He leads. (Proverbs 16:9)

This is the process of "Sanctification" (1 Thes 5:23, John 17:17).  I was saved when I surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus for my life...but I've been a work in progress ever since.  We're called to grow to be more like Jesus every day (sanctification)...and sometimes the process means that some deeply rooted stuff needs to be pulled, pruned, and unlearned.  The more deeply attached I am to the unhealthy stuff, the more it stings to have it pruned.



This is what death to self looks like. (John 12:24)



This is what picking up a cross and dying for God's higher purpose looks like. (Luke 9:23)



And I'm all in.



I'm all in because the Lord has nurtured me into a more patient, trusting, peaceful, and joyful woman after having some of the junk pruned.  Not despite the process...BECAUSE of the process.  He is gentle and kind and patient.



And I'm all in because I love Him with my whole heart.



I want Him to find in me a devoted, committed, passionately in love bride.  I want Him to be honored by my trust in Him.  I want my life to reflect His goodness so that others who He loves will trust Him too.  I want His Kingdom to grow and for His precious blood to receive all that was purchased on that cross.



Rest easy, friends.  We don't have to fear our good Father.  Even in the challenging seasons, He is there and He is taking good care of us.

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Healing and the Heart of God

 

Thinking, praying, and studying the work of God in our physical healing...so much to consider

Some teach that the healing of our physical bodies is part of the gospel message Jesus came to deliver and fulfill.  Surely, it can't be argued that He was against healing given the vast number of times He healed in the New Testament.  I can't think of a single place in scripture when a sick person came to Him for healing and was turned away disappointed. These teachers will pray bold prayers, and are sometimes accused of being TOO bold, too presumptuous, maybe even arrogant or "bossing" God around.

Others teach that physical healing is for days long past - only for the very early church as they established that first row of stones placed firmly on the cornerstone of Jesus Himself.  These teachers will pray prayers that ask God for help in suffering well.  Maybe, in a time of desperation, they'll cry out to God for healing...but these prayers are generally faithless.  They don't really have hope for healing because their theology tells them "no" before they even ask.

And then there's the compromise...the moderate teachers.  These would say that God CAN always heal, but it's not always His WILL to heal.  They teach a mash-up theology that consists of part Biblical truth, and part physical/earthly experience.  Personally, I've encountered this teaching most often.  These folks' prayers always sound a bit like a hedged bet.  They'll pray for healing..."but only if it's your will, God".

These contradicting teachings have been spinning in my mind the past few weeks as I've dealt with some of my own health issues (nothing major). 

As always, I go to the Lord with my questions.  Often, before the question is even out of my mouth, the answer comes in the form of Scripture.  

The first that He highlighted is Matthew 8:17:

"This happened so that what was spoken through Isaiah the prophet would be fulfilled: "He Himself took our illnesses and carried away our diseases."

He took our illnesses and diseases and "carried them away".  

The Lord whispered in my ear..."then what?  are you suggesting He carried them away only to bring them back and hand them back to you?"

This suggestion literally made me laugh out loud!

He then asked, "Do I do things that I don't want to do?  If I didn't want to remove illness and disease from you, why would I carry them away? I conquered illness and disease because I came to destroy all the works of the devil.  Illness and disease are of the devil, not of me."

Oh Lord, forgive me for ascribing the works of the evil one to you!

The next scripture God brought me to was Isaiah 53:5:

"He was pierced for our offenses, He was crushed for our wrongdoings; The punishment for our well-being was laid upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed."

All the suffering...from Judas's betrayal, the agony in the garden, the lashes that nearly skinned Him alive, the crown of thorns, the beard pulling, the humiliation, the spitting and ridicule, the abandonment, the spikes through His hands and feet...NONE of it was wasted.  It was ALL for our good.

Not a single speck of Jesus's suffering was because He deserved it.  It was 100% OUR suffering that He endured.  

God is perfectly just... He endured all the suffering necessary to be able to say "paid in full"...but not a single bit more.  NONE of it was wasted.

The result?  "By His wounds, we are healed."

The next Scripture God led me to was Ecclesiastes 3.

This is the famous "a time for everything" chapter in the Bible. 

There's a time for everything...for every activity under the heavens.

to be born, to die

to plant, to uproot

to kill, to heal

a time to tear down, to build

to weep, and laugh

to mourn, and dance

I'll let you read the full chapter - it's pretty all encompassing.

As I read, I thought that the Lord was trying to show me that there's a "time to die".  Certainly, no one is arguing the truth that our bodies reach their earthly end.

But the Lord corrected me with, "isn't it interesting that there's no mention of 'a time to be sick, and a time to be healthy'?"

I had to read the chapter through a few more times to be sure!

As I considered this interesting point, the Bible played like a movie in my mind...countless times when God healed His people!

As already mentioned, Jesus healed everyone who asked.

After He ascended, His church went on to heal many sick (and in some pretty creative ways!)

But this isn't a New Testament only teaching...the Old Testament is full of God healing too.

Do a quick web search of "healing in Scripture", and you'll have quite a list! (Here's a good list)

I read, and read, and read some more.

WHY was it so hard for me to fully embrace the idea that not only is God able to heal, but that He always WANTS to heal?

There was a battle in my mind...

...a battle between what I can see clearly written in God's Word and my physical experiences and perceptions

...a battle between various types of teaching I've been exposed to

...a battle between what I WANT truth to be and what I see with my own eyes in the flesh

I was done studying. 

It was time to simply surrender and to submit myself to the Lord in this area.

My prayer was "God, I need Your truth.  I know what I want, but I don't want my own desires.  I want the TRUTH of You even if it turns my desires upside down.  Please transform me into someone who can fearlessly accept the pure truth of Your Word without first filtering it through my earthly experiences.  And Lord, I know that there is no "time for sickness" in Ecclesiastes, but I can't build a theology based on what's NOT in your Word!  Please give me Your heart for healing, and give me eyes to see and ears to hear.  Please settle this for me once and for all with a deep heart and mind and soul knowledge of You."

And oh, His sweet answer wrecked me.

He said simply, "I CAUSED ADAM TO SLEEP"

Oh, I weep even as I type this memory!

I've read Genesis 2:21 a hundred times:

"So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place"

 

As I read it with fresh eyes, the overwhelming tenderness and mercy of God for humanity struck me.

He caused Adam to sleep.

Do you see it?  Do you see the tenderness?  Do you see His gentle heart and hand?  His consideration of Adam, His precious creation? Him gently tucking Adam in for a deep sleep while God worked a mighty new thing with Adams flesh?

All at once the idea that God would will (want/choose) to put disease and pain on His beloved bride seems utterly preposterous. 

He is good

He is kind

He is gentle

He is faithful

Do I 100% get it now?  Nope

I still have questions about times I've seen/experiences suffering...

I've seen unanswered prayers

I've seen untimely deaths

I've seen unspeakable pain and loss

But today...I also see more clearly the heart of God for us. 

It is NOT His desire that we be sick or diseased or in pain.

This contradiction between the Heart of God revealed in Scripture and our experiences in the flesh leaves me with questions.  But, at the end of the day, the Word of God stands true.  My "experiences" don't negate a single part of the Word.

I think this is where many theologians would shrug and utter something profound about "mysteries" 

I feel a tug in my spirit as the Lord asks me to trust Him.

Yes, Lord, I trust you.  Thank you for bowing so low to speak to this daughter of yours.  Thank you for sharing Your heart with me.  Thank you for being so gentle, tender, loving, and kind...and also mighty and powerful.  Thank you that your thoughts are so much higher than mine, and that you work everything to my ultimate good.  Thank you that you hold me in your hand, and that you dwell even within me.  Come what may, I will trust your beautiful heart for me.  I believe and trust what your Word says.  Thank you for carrying sickness and disease away from me.  Thank you for providing for my freedom.  Lord, please move in power by your Holy Spirit to free me of any sickness, disease, fear, curse, or injury that seeks to do me harm.  Thank you God, for the power of the blood of Jesus. Thank you for providing "it is FINISHED".  Please apply ALL the finished work of the Cross to my mind, my soul, my body, and my family in your perfect timing.  Amen

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There Is No "If"

The past few days have been especially hard for me.  Who am I kidding...the past few weeks...months...years even. They've been hard as I struggle with physical pain in my body.

The doctor tells me that I have a torn meniscus in each knee. This is the first time I've dealt with chronic pain like this.  It hurts when I walk.  It hurts when I rest.  It even hurts to the point of me shouting out in pain in the middle of the night.

It wasn't very long ago that I would have simply booked a surgical appointment and had them both repaired.  That's the reasonable course of action, right?

But I had an unsettled feeling in my heart from the beginning as I contemplated surgery.  Of course, I don't love the idea of surgical pain.  I don't love the idea of the financial cost.  But most of all, I felt the prompting of the Lord to "hold"... to simply wait.

So I wait.  And I suffer.  And I miss long walks with my husband.  I miss hiking through the woods and working in my yard. 

Waiting doesn't make sense to my logical brain. 

In fact, I woke one day with certainty in my heart about having surgery - I felt peaceful and excited to put the pain behind me and get back to exercising and getting fit. But based on my previous certainty to wait, I asked the Lord to confirm this new decision to move forward with surgery.  Boy, did He deliver on that request quickly!  

I opened the Word that morning to the genealogy of Jesus in the first chapter of Matthew.  I read every word at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and my eye settled on the name "Asa".  I could not read past his name, so I dug into the story of King Asa. The punchline is found in 2 Chronicles 16:12-13:

"In the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa became diseased in his feet.  His disease was severe, yet even in his disease he did not seek the LORD, but the physicians.  So Asa slept with his fathers having died in the forty-first year of his reign."

My jaw pretty much hit the floor!  And I was frustrated and SO mad!  I wanted the pain gone.  I wanted to seek the physicians.  And frankly, in many areas of my life, I DO seek physicians with no conflict of conscience.  I take prescription medicines.  I've had surgery.  I've been greatly blessed by healing provided by God through physicians' hands.

But the message was clear - the Lord was asking me to wait and seek Him in this.  I was super irritated.

Eventually, I decided to settle into hope.  

For a while, I was eager in the painful waiting.  I figured that God must have something better in store for me.  Why else would He ask me to wait?

And wow, the Lord has absolutely knocked my socks off the past couple years.  The Bible tells us that followers of Jesus will see signs...believers in Jesus "will cast out devils, they'll speak in new tongues, they'll take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." (Mark 16:17-18)

I'm here to testify -- this scriptural promise still stands to this day!

I've seen it with my own eyes.  I've seen demons flee as I pray.  I've experienced speaking in new tongues.  I've laid hands on the sick, and they've recovered.  Glory to God!!

(Admittedly, I've not taken up snakes or sipped on anything deadly...not exactly seeking those things out haha!)

I've seen cancer healed.

I've seen torn ligaments in shoulders healed.

I've seen chronic and debilitating back pain vanish.

I've seen addicts instantly delivered and healed...they're not recovering, they're healed.

And most recently (and ironically)...a woman at church just walked up to me TWO DAYS ago, and she was giddy to share with me:

"Daiquiri!  I want you to know that when you prayed for my knee last month, God healed me!  He HEALED me!  He actually healed me!  I had a torn meniscus in my knee...and it's totally healed now!"

I rejoiced with her.  "Thank You, God, for healing my precious sister.  Thank You for the honor of being Your hands and feet in praying for her.  You're amazing!" 

We celebrated together, and then I said "you wanna hear a crazy coincidence? I have a torn meniscus in each of my knees.  Would you pray for me now?"

She put her hand on my shoulder and prayed for our good God to do for me just what He did for her.  Surely, this was it?  Surely this was the day of my miracle?

Apparently not.  I limped away from that encounter feeling rejected and heartbroken.

Later the very next day (yesterday), a woman asked me to pray for her.  She had terrible pain in her back.  I laid my hands on her in faith.  I believe that Jesus is who He says He is, and that He does what He says He will do.

She felt no improvement in her pain.  Her sad blue eyes pierced me as she said "I know He's a healer.  Why isn't He healing me?"

It cut me to the quick.  My heart broke with and for her because I KNOW the pain in that question.

As I stood and worshiped the Lord yesterday, tears streamed down my cheeks and wet the front of my shirt.  I felt utterly rejected and hurt.  The pain in my knees paled in comparison to the heart-sick feeling I had that maybe I wasn't loved very much after all.

I KNOW that my feelings are real, but they're not always TRUE.  

I fight to take my thoughts and feelings captive and to bend them to conform to the Truth of Jesus.

I speak "It is written..." over myself as I fight the pull of the black hole that is emotional turmoil.

Thank God for His written Word!

And even more, I thank God for the written Word's revelation of the living Word, Jesus.

So I went straight to the written Word this morning for comfort and an emotional "re-set".  I'm not going to wallow in lies for another day.  This is the day the Lord has made, and I WILL be glad!  Teach me, Lord!

The Lord led me Matthew 12:36-39 when Jesus scolded people who were insisting on a sign.  He said, "An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign..."

My breath caught in my chest.
My heart seemed to beat louder than normal.
My ears rang in the profound silence that surrounded me.

Jesus was talking about ME in this verse!

Yes, "signs" will follow those who believe.

But I've been seeking His hand more than His heart.

Worse, I've been seeking His hand as PROOF of His heart.

Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry!

The scribes and Pharisees sought a sign...with impure intent:  

"IF You are who You say You are, then show us a sign.
Prove Yourself to us.
Do what we want when we want it."

So ugly...but haven't I been doing the same?

"IF You love me, then show me a sign.
Prove You love me by healing me.
Do what I want how and when I want it."

Yup - just as ugly.

I confessed the sin before the Lord, and I repented with all my heart.  He was faithful and just to forgive me and wash me clean (1 Jn 1:9).

All at once, I heard His familiar voice whisper lovingly:

"There is no 'if'"

I was swept under the wave of love that rolled over me.

Oh God, You love me.  You are good.

No matter my physical experience or my emotions, these two things are true every moment of every day.

I choose to believe the truth of Your love and goodness even when I don't "feel" it.  Even when there is not the "sign" of it that I desire.

"If He heals me..."

"If He gifts me..."

"If He provides for me..."

"If I see a sign..."

Oh Lord, I'm sorry that I've attached "if" to Your everlasting love and goodness.

There.  Is.  No.  "IF".

You are God and I am not.

You are loving and good and true.  Period.

Thank You for loving and forgiving me.  Thank you for teaching me. 

I will stand and worship and thank You for Your faithfulness and goodness...even if I must stand on throbbing legs to do it.

Thank You for your patience with me and my bratty ways!  Thank You that You are my Rock even when I make the mistake of setting my eyes on the wind and waves.

Thank You for Your unfailing love and faithfulness.

Words cannot express Your goodness Lord.  Please see the welling of love and awe in my heart for You, God.  Let the incense of my love and worship rise to Your throne day after day.  Night after night. Regardless of my earthly circumstance...You are holy and worthy and so very good.

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Is Jesus Still Healing?

Affiliate link for this book: Christ the Healer, Bosworth

Does God still want to physically heal as Jesus did?

Does God change?

Are Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father not ONE?

Do they not have the SAME will?

Did Jesus not demonstrate the will of the entire Godhead when He healed all?

Be encouraged, friends. God has not changed. God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are ONE. One heart. One mind. One purpose. One character. One name. One will.

He is still saving, healing, and delivering RIGHT. NOW. I've seen it with my own eyes. Hallelujah!

I'm reading this book right now and it's taking SO long to get through it. Not because it's a hard read - it's very easy to read. It's taking me forever because I find myself stopping to underline half the book!

Today's big takeaway that's making me stop to chew and digest truth:

"If sickness, as some think, is the will of God for His faithful children, then it is a sin for them even to desire to be well. This says nothing of spending thousands of dollars to defeat His purpose."

"If sickness is the will of God...every physician is a lawbreaker; every trained nurse is defying the Almighty; every hospital is a house of rebellion, instead of a house of mercy. If this were true, instead of supporting hospitals, we out to do our utmost to close every one."

"If the modern theology of those who teach that God wants some of His worshipers to remain sick for His glory is true, then Jesus, during His earthy ministry, never hesitated to rob the Father of all the glory He could by healing all who came to Him. The Holy Spirit, likewise, robbed Him of all the glory He could by healing all the sick in the streets of Jerusalem. And Paul, too, robbed God of all the glory he could by healing all the sick on the island of Melita."

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