God's Story - the Starting Place

It all started right here.  In the middle of this lake….well, maybe not the middle exactly….but the deep.

It was early July 2013.  We were at the cottage for our annual July 4th summer trip.  Wisconsin.  Heat.  Humidity.  Fresh air.  The smell of water and trees….the sound of breezes whispering in the trees and little critters making their homes in the canopy.  Cracking fire to warm chilled bodies.  Towels hanging over chairs.  Children giggling….covered in dirt and sand and smiles.  Fish flopping about at the end of a line.  Splashing and swimming and sunshine making skin golden despite my attempts to keep it covered with sunscreen.

It was late afternoon, after 4:00.  This little lake has a "no wake" time after 4 pm, so that's when I like it most.  I'm a peace and quiet sort of girl.  I put my life jacket on, and swam out deep enough that I couldn't touch the bottom and I couldn't feel the weeds tickling my feet -- always gives me the heeby-geebies! Deep…deep….deeper…

I turn over so I'm facing the sky, and I go completely limp.  My arms and legs dangle….my head floats back….the water covers my body except for my face peeking out of the water and the front of the lifejacket bobbing at the surface of the water.  All I can hear is water, my heart beating, and the sound of air in and out of my lungs.  A cloud drifts overhead.  A bird flies by.

I pray.  I praise.  It's almost an out of body experience.

One word drifts into my mind….HOME.

I feel a shift in my mind, my soul.  Home.

I'm uneasy and a little scared. Home.

I doubt it.  I second guess it.  All in those 20 minutes on the water with God.  Home.

We travel to Wisconsin a lot. My folks live there, one of my sisters and her growing family lives there.  My extended family lives there.  But we don't just travel there….we grapple there….we struggle and seek and try there.

Every single time we go to Wisconsin, we ask ourselves the same question:  "Do we want to live here?"

Sometimes Luke says "yes" and I say "no".

Sometimes I say "yes" and Luke says "no".

Sometimes we both say "no".

Sometimes we both say "yes", but for all the wrong reasons.  We can't move our entire family….our entire lives so that we can please someone else.

We can't move for the cottage.

We can't move for the economy.

We can't move for the beauty of the place.

We can't move for the guilt of being away.

We can't move because we're running from something.

We can only make this move for one thing….A Calling.

There is One who knows us.  One who has a plan for us.  One whom we serve and honor with our lives.  It has to be for Him, and Him alone.

So this shift in my heart and soul….scared me.  For the first time since we've been contemplating and debating and striving…..I felt a Calling…. a whisper from Heaven that this place is Home.

The practical side of me gets snarky…."well that's just great, how the heck are we supposed to pull this off?  The job, the house, the kids….I don't see how we can do it!"

The emotional side of me needs my other half.  I tell Luke, "I think something is different.  I want this place for our family like I've never wanted it before.  It feels like home.  It feels like a calling.  I don't know what to do next."

Luke, in his wisdom, says what any man would say…."I can't think about this right now."

Ha!

But I'm excited.  I see it.  I feel it.  I love this place down to my bones….but I can't talk about it, and it's making me crazy.  I slip and jabber on about it a time or two, and I'm met with "Daiq, I know you're heart's in this right now, but I'm not there.  I really can't even give it any thought for some reason.  Let's let it rest until we get home, ok?"

Sigh.  Ok.

The waiting begins….