Decisions

Well, this is just surreal.  I'm looking at my brain on this screen, and discussing options with my neurosurgeon.  Wait.  What?  Did I just say that?  Is this my new normal?

Actually, I'm feeling really good.  Positive.  Happy.  Hopeful.  Peaceful. Safe.  I can't tell if I'm in a thick fog of protective denial....or if this is that "Peace that surpasses understanding".

Whatever.  I'll take it!

Here's what we learned today:
-  There is risk in not treating my aneurysm.  The risk is that it can burst and kill me.  Given it's small size however, the risk is also quite small.

-  There is risk in learning more through an angiogram study of my brain (inject dye into my blood, and then take more defined pictures.  The risk here is GREATER than not treating such a small aneurysm.

- There are 2 surgical options:  "coiling" or "clipping"

- Coiling is risky with the small size of my aneurysm.  There's a decent (enough) chance that the lump of coil they'd fill the aneurysm with would break loose and cause a stroke.  The risk here is GREATER than not treating the aneurysm.

- Clipping involves cutting into my skull, folding back the orbital bone around my eye so the doctor can basically lift my brain up and get to the aneurysm to clip it off.  This is the easy way to clip vs. going THROUGH my  brain to get to the problem area.  The risk here, again, is GREATER than not treating it.

Can we all just take a moment to close our eyes, breathe deep, and *shudder* with the horror 

of this thought....because, really, holy sh*#!!  

So, my path forward is to wait and have another MRI in 6 months to see if the aneurysm is growing (and if so, how quickly) or staying the same. If it's growing quickly, then we'll fix it.  At that point, coiling would be a better option too because with a bigger aneurysm, the coil is more likely to stay put. If it's not changing or changing very slowly, then we can avoid or further postpone surgery.

When I first learned of this time bomb in my brain, my immediate and consuming thought was GET IT OUT.  NOW.  I just couldn't fathom waiting around for the thing to blow.

But now, especially after learning more about the torture treatment options and their risks....I'm pretty darn happy to wait.

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.  My body rests in safety.  Psalm 16:9

****************

PS.  A side (and possibly entirely inappropriate) note.  The guy on the right is my neurosurgeon.  Now you tell me....does he not look like Dr. McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy?!

I've been cracking up this afternoon because after the appointment,  I just couldn't stop smiling.  I'm SERIOUSLY relieved to not have brain surgery!  But when I said, "Why can't I stop smiling?!" to my dear Luke, he said

"Maybe Dr McDreamy cauterized and healed your aneurism from the outside with his studly hotness!"  LOL!