Am I Willing?

Hey Bloggy Friends...have you read Kelli's story yet? (she's a guest writer at Rocks In My Dryer today).

You can also go straight to Kelli's blog if you'd like more info about her (I can't figure out how to get this button to link to her, sorry).

I'm feeling a bit...haunted.

I'd read Kelli's story months ago. I was so touched by this young mom who was facing a life threatening illness, that I called the donor number and requested an info packet to get signed up to be evaluated as a potential donor.

I got the packet in the mail. I filled out the papers. I got really REALLY scared about the whole idea. I filed the papers away. I pretended I never got them.

That little voice? It's been urging me to get those papers out and finish them up for some time now. I've been doing my best to ignore that voice. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish that little voice would leave me alone!

And then Kelli showed up at Rocks In My Dryer today. Ugh.

I went over to her site, hoping to read a post saying that they'd found her a donor. No luck.

Those dang papers.

So I dug them out of my file, finished filling them out, and sealed them all up in an envelope and sent them off. It's done. I've signed up to be a living kidney donor for Kelli Bauch.

Part of me thinks, "Hey, since the Lord seems to be prompting me to do this, maybe I'm her match! Wouldn't that be awesome?!"

But part of me thinks selfish and frightened thoughts like, "Oh no, what if I'm a match! I don't want to have surgery. What if something happens to me and I can't be a mom and wife like I want to? What if I die and leave my family without me? What if one of my own family members needs a kidney some day and I won't have one to give? What if, what if, what if...."

Obviously, I don't know what the outcome will be. But this experience of just filling out the paperwork has been eye-opening for me. How giving, how loving, how self-sacrificing am I...really? It's so easy to "talk the talk"...until it comes time to actually sign on the dotted line.

If nothing else, this has been an exercise in trusting the Lord. I might be a match for his beloved daughter, Kelli. One daughter helping another. Who am I to stand in the way of that plan? And if that's his plan? Well, then he'll probably see me through it, won't he?

And if it's his plan, but I die during surgery or from complications after? Well, my days are numbered anyway. What better way to go than to lay down my life for a friend?

Yeah, the whole thing makes my stomach turn a little too.

But here I am, at least in my heart and mind, willing. Willing to at least see what the Lord has in mind. And if what's on his mind is having me donate a kidney? Well, I trust that he'll give me enough grace and courage to deal with that...

Kelli  – (9/05/2008 05:37:00 AM)  

Wow. Thank you.

Asking is hard, for the same reasons you've outlined here. Just offering is amazing to us, and signing on the line? It's a gift to us.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Who knows what the outcome will be. Well, God does.

Thank you again.

Kaye  – (9/05/2008 02:40:00 PM) are awesome for going through with it. God will bless you for it regardless of where you fit into Kelli's story.

Miki  – (9/05/2008 04:24:00 PM)  

Ooooh, scary. It's scary! That's why you're taking this so seriously.

I know you're good at researching though, and I bet, if you're a candidate, you'll educate yourself so well, you won't have any worries at all...right?

Here's to wishing you success in whatever comes of this. Kelli will be oh so grateful if this happens to be "the one".

Have you heard of CF Husband blog(Confessions of a Cistic Fibrosis Husband)? It's just wonderful. Click on my link on my blog if you want to see it.

I truly thought she (the wife) wasn't going to make it. I was almost begging in my mind for everyone to sign up and become a donor quick so that she would be saved. Miraculously, she got her new set of lungs on her husband's birthday, but now, she has cancer. It had nothing to do with the lungs, it happens to ten percent of transplant patients.

To top it all off, she prayed a secret prayer that nobody knew about (even her husband) ever since her teen years for the have a baby. Cistic Fibrosis patients die anywhere from childhood to their 20's. Lucky ones, in their 30's. Just before she was to go in and prep to have her transplant, she discovered she was pregnant.

Ahhhhh....I'm going on and on. It's such a great story, and it sounds like Kelli's story is just as wonderful. I hope the best for you Daiquiri! Scary, and brave!

Anonymous –   – (9/11/2008 09:09:00 PM)  

Wow, well, first of all, welcome to the amazing journey that is living donation -- I'm so proud of and inspired by you! I'm a past living liver donor myself, for my brother, two and a half years ago. I found your blog today by searching for blogs by potential living donors, because I know firsthand how critical it is that we find each other and offer each other emotional support and knowledge during this adventure. No matter what happens, what results you get back, what you decide as you weigh the pros and cons of becoming Kelli's donor -- you have given Kelli and the entire world a profound gift just by turning in that paperwork. I hope for you the courage and joy that my living donor journey brought me!

If you would like to network with other living donors, check out my blog at I operate a nonprofit called the Greatest Gift Foundation that helps living donors find each other and get the support they need, so don't hesitate to reach out to me if we can help, okay?

All my best to you, and Kelli, to you too in your search! Stay strong, both of you, and THANK YOU for sharing your story online.


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