He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

Wow.  I sit down to write this post, and this screen feels like a stranger to me.  I feel like I'm sitting down to chat with a long lost friend who I really haven't had a heart to heart with in years.  I've been absent.  My heart at least...absent.

It's been a painful month or so for me.  

Sometimes I don't know how much to share - how much to be "real" about.  So I've been avoiding this blog.  I've been avoiding writing what's on my heart.  

It's funny.  As I sit down to write about it, I realize how, from the outside at least, my struggles seem so...trivial.  Even to me.  I look back at the last month and I think, "really, THAT'S what I was so upset about?"

But it's not about the "stuff" that's happened (which is really and truly nothing).  It's about the state of my heart.  The state of my soul.

Okay, everyone together now..."Ooooo, Deeeep!"

I've felt disappointed and betrayed by God (over that silly "nothing" stuff).  And I reacted like I'm ashamed to say that I always react; not by turning to my comforter and receiving peace and healing...but by turning to God Almighty with my fist raised in anger and defiance.

What the hell are you doing?

Do you really even care?

Are you really even THERE?

This is such BS - what's the point of this pain and why aren't you DOING something?

And then I stopped talking to him all together.  And then I started crying for the loneliness and the hurt.  And then I sulked.

All the while I've heard him, "Are you ready to talk to me yet?"

NO.

"Now?  Are you going to talk about this with me?"

LEAVE ME ALONE.  YOU DON'T CARE ANYWAY.

"I'm here you know.  Turning up the radio doesn't make me go away.  Let's talk."

Aww, crap.  Okay.

He's been showing me the painful truth about what I believe and (more importantly) what I don't believe.  He's been bringing me deeper with him - have you noticed how it's always a painful process to get someplace wonderful?  

Are you frustrated with my lack of details?  I'm not avoiding them - it's just that they truly don't matter.  What I've learned in the past month, however, is everything to me....it's the result...the purpose?... of my suffering.  

There are things that a person can learn with her head, and yet it's still not a truth of her heart.  Do you know what I mean?  It's sort of like when you bring that first baby home with you for the first time.  You keep thinking "I'm a mom"...and yet it takes some time for that reality to really sink in, for you to start living like it's true.  It's not until it sinks all the way down deep into your heart that you are changed from the inside out.  

So head vs. heart knowledge - I know lots of things with my head and my heart.  I know with all my being that there is a God.  I know with everything in me that he is mighty.  Capable.  Strong.  Big.  Sufficient and powerful to save me.  Majestic.  Holy.  Powerful.  

And yet....there are some things.  Some crucially important things that are still just head knowledge for me.  What has God been showing me lately that's such a revelation (you're gonna laugh - it seems that everyone can get this but me)?  It's this:

God loves me.  

Now, I can quote scripture all day long about how God loves me.  I can show evidence.  Argue a debate.  Hell, I can probably build some sort of ultra-geeky spreadsheet detailing all the ways and reasons that God loves me.

But it's all in my head.

Lately, God has been asking me to let it sink into my heart.  And I can hardly get real with him, have a conversation with him, or even spend quiet time with him...without totally bawling my eyes out.  We went to church tonight, and by the end of worship I was sweating and trembling in my fight to maintain some composure.  

He wants me.  He wants my heart - all of it.  And I'm just so friggin scared!

But I've been scared for a long time - it's the result of not really and truly trusting God.  I guess I'd rather be afraid for what he'll do in my heart than for what life will be like if I don't let him in.  Man.  Sometimes he can just be so REAL.

And so damned persistent!

As I read The Shack, there were a few passages that had me bursting into tears and running the other way:

"You cannot produce trust, just as you cannot 'do' humility.  It either is or is not.  Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved.  Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me." (p.128)

"You [do not] know deep in your heart that I love you.  You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don't know it." (p.144)

Ouch.

I've respected him.  I've revered him.  I've pursued him.  But I don't think I've ever really trusted him...because I don't trust that he loves me.

So when something bad (or even remotely disappointing) happens, I immediately get angry and defensive and even more scared.  I feel hurt because it seems that life's pains are evidence that I'm not really loved...that I'm not precious to him.

And lately, mercy upon mercies, the very One I've been shaking my fist at for the past month (and all the months before that for that matter) has been gently asking me to open another little door in my heart to him.  And I'll tell ya what - the hinges to that little door are rusty and don't want to budge!

But I want it with everything I am - I WANT to believe with my whole heart that he loves me.  I want to be able to trust him.  As I closed my eyes during worship tonight, I could feel him pressing on the walls of my heart.  I could almost feel him physically.  But yet...I resist.

Why do I DO that?

I don't know how to end this post. It doesn't have a tidy ending because, well, it's not over yet!  I'm a work in progress.  I know I need some good quality quiet and alone time where I can pray and cry and let it all out...and more importantly, let him IN.

I'm interested in hearing your stories.  How deeply do you know that God loves you.  Does the phrase "God loves me" roll off your tongue in the same casual way that "we're having pizza for dinner" does?  Or does it come bubbling out of your heart like that living water?  Do you really know it with your heart?  Either way - I'm in no position to judge.  I'm just curious.  And if you're one of the ones who has a deep down trust relationship and KNOW that God loves you with all you have...will you please tell me about how you came to know it?

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They Were Animals...

And so were the giraffe, zebra and lion.

Clara's kindergarten class had a field trip to the zoo yesterday.  Daddy went with Ben last year AND daddy went with Clara to her last field trip...so this one was my turn.  

I hadn't been to the zoo in years.  Since I went last, they have a new Africa exhibit....including lions and zebras and giraffes.  Fun!

This guy was positively surreal.  He was resting just on the other side of the glass, so we were within about 2 feet of him.  He just sat there and sort of dozed and peeked at us from time to time from the corner of his eye.  I just wanted to reach out and touch his soft nose (only his nose was covered in scars - evidence of something a little less cozy than a house cat's temperament).

I could hardly leave my spot by the glass in front of this guy.  I took the hint when the moms behind me started saying (in a rather unnecessarily huffy voice) "Don't worry Johnny, it will be your turn SOON I HOPE."  Yeah, yeah lady.  I'm going.

He was sort of lazily dozing by the glass, until something interesting caught his eye.  He was immediately more alert and looking at that something like this:

I realized that the "something" he was salivating over was very possibly my little girl.  His charm wore off pretty quick.  See you later, big guy.

Clara is awful sweet.  And beautiful.  And refined.  And dignified.  I can see why he'd want a nibble out of her.

I just don't know where she gets her irresistible charm.

Clara has some of the sweetest kids in her class - she really made some great friends this year.  I hope most of these girls are in the same class together next year.

Whenever I see giraffes, I think of my mom.  No, she's not tall with giant spots.  I just remember her telling us as kids that this was her favorite animal.  Isn't it funny what sorts of things kids remember?

The kids got a kick out of "driving" this "ranger's jeep" - I think they would have been tempted to play here all day if the penguins hadn't been calling their names.

Zebras!  Clara loved the "striped horsies" :-)

I sure enjoyed some good old fashioned girl time.  It won't be long before she's avoiding me because I'm out of touch...I don't understand....I'm not cool/groovy/rad/whatever.  I'd better soak up the snuggles while I can.

Clara enjoyed playing the photographer for a while too.  I think maybe a little point and shoot of their own might be a good gift idea this year.  It's so interesting to see things from their perspective.

Here's Clara with her most wonderful kindergarten teacher - seriously a gifted woman.  I sure wish she were going to be back to teach my younger kids (but she's not...she's off to bless a different school after this year).

Clara's getting the creativity on for this shot "I'm gonna take a picture of you WITH MY HAND."  You go, girl.

Here's Clara with one of the neighbor boys (who is also in her class).  Does anything say "I love you" for kindergarteners quite like playing tag and climbing trees?  I think not...

Just when I was feeling proud of our little city zoo for all the awesome Africa animals, I had to come across...the groundhogs.  Seriously?  

There.  That's better.  Let's end it on a strong note :)

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Hello Summer, I Love You

Around here, we're officially calling it SUMMER.  Any time it's warm enough to swim, eat 3 Otter Pops per day, and almost get heat stroke while planting the garden...it's summer.

We went over to Great Grandma's place a couple of days ago and went swimming.  What a blast!

Here's little Tommy getting all ready to get in the water.

I love this shot - Sammy's dipping her little tooties with the assistance of Daddy...and Thomas can hardly contain his excitement in the background :-)

Aww - look at my pretty little lady.

Ben and Clara wasted NO time jumping in and practicing their swimming.  They're already talking about our annual 4th of July trip to Wisconsin!

Thanks for a great afternoon, GG!  

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Homemade "Topsy Turvey"

For a mere $19.99 (and $7.95 S&H) you can have your very own "Topsy Turvey" (as seen on TV)

OR

You can make your own with stuff you probably have in your garage or garden shed.  And if you don't have everything you need?  I guarantee that you can buy all the supplies for less than $28.  

I've always planted my tomatoes in the garden, and have always had great success (the key to great tomatoes is consistent watering, you know), but this year I decided to plant one of my plants upside down.  Those infomercials are just so convincing...

The trickiest part was figuring out where to hang it - planting the tomato was actually very simple (and fun if you're into that sort of thing, which I am).  I love the idea of growing tomatoes without a giant plant flopping all over the garden...not to mention the fact that I won't have to worry about weeds.  

Want to try one?  I wrote an eHow article with step by step instructions.  (Big strong man with power tool not included...but you can do it yourself if you're not worried about taking pictures, I promise!)  

As always, I'd sure appreciate it if you'd take a second to rate the article for me :-)

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Seeking The Trinity...In A Shack

Yes, a shack.

I recently read a great book, The Shack, by WM. Paul Young (fiction).  I got it for less than $10 at Costco - I definitely recommend picking one up!  Like any book, it needs to be read critically and weighed against Truth at every turn.  For the most part though, I found this book to be in line with Biblical teachings...only the story was written in a way that helped me to see God in a new and fresh way.  It helped me to even better understand what I already knew in my head.

For the next few STLS posts, I think I'll be working from this book.  I'll do so without giving away anything about the plot so you can read it yourself if you'd like.

One of the most difficult things to understand about God is the idea of the Trinity, don't you think?  There was an exchange in this book that I found to be so powerful (a conversation between God and a man):

"...there are three of you, and you are all one God?..."

"...We are not three gods, and we are not talking about one god with three attitudes, like a man who is a husband, father, and worker.  I am one God and I am three persons, and each of the three is fully and entirely the one."

"huh?" (love that!)

"What's important is this: if I were simply one God and only one person, then you would find yourself in this creation without something wonderful, without something essential even....Love and relationship.  All love and relationship is possible for you only because it already exists within me, within God myself." (emphasis mine)...Unless I had an object to love - or, more accurately, a someone to love - if I did not have such a relationship within myself, then I would not be capable of love at all...you would have a god who could not love."

This was such a huge lightbulb moment for me!  

Any good thing that is possible for us is ONLY possible because it already exists totally and completely in God.

It seems so simple and obvious!

I admit, I've always thought of the Trinity as something taught by "religion", but totally backed by the Bible.  The Bible doesn't come out and say "Trinity" or "three in one" though, so in the back of my mind I've always wondered just a little... do we have this right?

At the same time, I've completely swallowed the teaching that "God is love" hook, line, and sinker.  

But how could I logically doubt the idea of a relationship existing within God, while fully accepting the idea of God being love?  How can God be love...or have love at all in any capacity...if there wasn't some sort of relationship built into God's very nature?

Now, just to play the flip side for a minute... some might argue that God can love because he has humanity to love... that he made us so that he could have the relationship.

But do you see what that implies?  The assumption in that argument is that God is somehow incomplete without us... that he lacked something before he made us... that he needs us to make him whole.  Is that the God you know?  The great I AM?  

No.  God was full and complete and perfectly whole before making us.  Remember - he made us in his image...not to complete his image.  

And of course, we have to consider some compelling scripture: Genesis 1:26-27.  Many say that when God said "Let us make man..." that he was speaking to his spirit children (basically humans before we came to earth - the LDS church is one organization that teaches this).  Okay.  Seems reasonable, right?  BUT...keep reading:

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:26-27)

Look at that!  God says "let us", and who responds?  God!  God creates.  God creates in God's image.  Humans didn't come on the scene at all until AFTER God created them.  What awesome scripture - a gift, really - to show us a thing or two about the relationship that existed in God before we were even created.

We have an awesome God, folks.  Utterly awesome!  I'm so thankful for every little glimpse I get of him this side of Heaven.  

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On to more of an administrative topic: Mr. Linky.  I was paying to do the Mr. Linky every week, but my membership expired and I've decided that I'm not going to pay for another year.  Please continue to share though!  Leave a comment with any links you'd like to share.  

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Evidence

They bicker.

They hit.

They bite.

They scream.

But at the end of the day, when Sammy says "I wub you Tommy" (just before she whacks him on the head with a wooden mixing spoon)...I know we must be doing something right.

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Middle Of The Night Adventure

My little Thomas has croup.  I'm thankful to say that our kids have always been extremely healthy, and this gasping-for-breath thing is very unusual for us.  

Last night, we dosed him up on ibuprofen before bed to help keep him comfortable.  We even remembered to get the humidifier going to help him breathe.  It didn't really dawn on me that he might have croup - I just thought he had a chest cold.

And then, at about 10 PM he started in with the coughing.  Man, he sounded horrible.  And it hurt him - he would just sort of whimper every time.  It's spooky - that silent "I can't cry because my voice isn't working" cry.  It's a cry - just a very pitiful cry.  A cry that makes mommies cry too.

And then, at about 11:30 (after hubby and I had gone to bed), things changed.  He wasn't really coughing anymore.  It seemed like the mere act of breathing hurt him.  I kept going upstairs to tuck him in...only to have him struggle for breath again in a few minutes.

My heart started racing, and my mind started going to all those horrible places Mama's minds go when the baby can't breathe.  And then...I went to his room to tuck him in... and he was clutching the rail of his crib, looking at me with wild wide eyes, and positively GASPING for breath.    

I scooped him up and raced him to the ER.

After a breathing treatment and a dose of steroids he was breathing much better.  Thank God for modern medicine.  I wonder how many times I'll say that phrase during the course of raising these children!

AND...thank goodness for orange popsicles at 1:30 in the morning.  Even after all that he was put through in the middle of that long night...the orange popsicle could still bring a smile to his little angel face.

And to mine.

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Recipe: Freezer Burritos

Looking for a way to stock your feezer with easy to prepare, nutritious (and delicious) meals?  Make a big batch of my Freezer Burritos, and you'll be set for quick and easy lunches (or dinner if you'd like) for months!

Click HERE for a printer-friendly version of my recipe.  Enjoy!

PS.  Do you have a favorite freezer meal?  Please share...

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So This Is Who He Was Talking About

This is Thomas, my baby.  Someday he will undoubtedly be taller and stronger and smarter than I am, but in my mind and heart he will always be this soft and squishy little snuggler.  We've been doing lots of snuggling lately.  He's transitioning from two naps a day to one, so he's spending some time each day feeling tired and irritated and just plain grumpy.  So we snuggle.  We get the binky out, we settle into the glider, and we snuggle while watching cartoons.  It helps us both keep our sanity.

I adore this little boy.  His little one year old body just melts into mine and our breathing settles into a familiar rhythm.  His skin is like satin.  He radiates warmth.  And his head...oh, the smell of his little boy head should be bottled.  I love to press my cheek to his soft hair and draw a deep breath...this is my son.  This is the one He was talking about.

Who who was talking about?  When?  Huh?

Let me explain...

In the winter of 2005, I started to have some strange physical symptoms that were scaring me.   I had crushing pain in my chest, breathlessness, fatigue.  After a while the crushing pain subsided into sort of a dull ache in my chest.  I wrote it off to maybe pulling a muscle while exercising because, you know, I work out SO often (ha).  But that's what I told myself.

In the back of my mind, I kept wondering if there was something major going on...but hey, I was 32 years young.  What were the odds?

I kept what was going on mostly to myself because I knew what my family would say.  They'd say exactly what I would say to them if the tables were turned - especially given the crud that floats in my family's genetic pool.  My own Daddy has heart disease, and endured a quadruple bypass when he was just 41 years old.  For Dad to have had that sort of buildup in his arteries by age 41, he surely had stuff quietly happening in his heart long before that.  Say...when he was 32...

And then there was that one night.  Luke was working late - I think he had clients in town and was out to dinner with them.  So I was home with my (then) 3 little ones.  And my left arm...it just HURT.  I couldn't identify any particular muscle or movement that was painful...it was just a radiating pain that started under my left collarbone.

So I did what anyone would do...I called my sister.

She's younger than I am...but not really.  She's wise, beautiful, strong - and has always been MUCH smarter than her older sister, the punk.  I love her to pieces.

AND she's a registered nurse.  Those nurses man, they are way underrated.  If you have a doctor who is disrespectful or dismissive of the nurses around them?  Find a different doctor.  But I digress...

I called Tiffany.  "I need nurse Tiffany right now, okay?"   "Okay" was her cautious response.  I could almost envision her putting on her little white nursing hat.   Not really - they don't do those silly little hats anymore, but I sort of wish they did so I could tease her about it (both my sisters actually...both nurses!  Can you believe it?)

I explained my symptoms to her and I waited for about 2 seconds for her to tell me that it was alright for me to just put my feet up and wait for Luke to come home.  But that message never came.

When I resisted the idea of going to the ER, she did what any good nurse and sister would do.  She threatened my very life.  It went something like "Get yourself in the ER right now, or I'll come over and drag you in myself."  I laughed.  She didn't.  

She's a tough broad...she could totally drag me pretty much anywhere she wanted.

Ack.  Dangit.  An ER trip?  Now?  I didn't want to go, but I knew I had to. 

So I called Luke away from his meeting.  He rushed home, and I rushed out.  We weren't thinking very clearly, obviously.  Note to self - if I ever have chest pain again have someone ELSE do the driving to the hospital!  Probably not all that wise to drive myself, but that's what I did despite my husband's desire to drive me.  I had to go NOW.  He had to stay with the kids.  I'd call from the ER as soon as I knew anything.  

I got in the car, and headed down the road.  It was an early December evening - pitch dark by about 7 PM.  It was eerily quiet and still.  It seemed that there was no one on the road but me.  The radio was off, there was just the sound of the running engine and my wildly busy thoughts.

I can still remember sitting at one intersection in particular - the dark and quiet corner of Victory and Overland.  You'd have thought it was 2 in the morning for how dark and quiet it seemed.  Or maybe I was just tuning everyone else out.  I was sitting at the stop light.  That red light seemed to almost pulse it's red light at me.  I was anxious to get going for fear that I'd chicken out and not go at all, but at the same time I was willing that light to stay red forever so that I didn't have to deal with bad news.

My mind was racing.  

Thoughts of fears, thoughts of practicality, prayers, emptiness - all swirled in my head at the same time.

Boy, I sure am glad I got that life insurance policy before this fiasco.  

Oh Lord, I don't want this to be happening.

What's that insurance policy worth?  Yeah, Luke could probably pay off the house and hire someone to come in and help with the house and kids for a couple of years.

I'm too young for this.  It must be nothing...my imagination probably.  My arm is feeling better already.

I wonder how heart surgery compares to the pain of childbirth.  

Sammy is so young.  Man, she wouldn't even remember me.  At all.

Do we have the money for this right now?  Can't this wait until I can go to my normal doctor?

Ben and Clara - oh, they need me.  They'd miss me.  They'd feel the pain of my loss.  Oh Lord, I don't want my kids to have to go through that.

Luke - my precious Luke.  I finally found him, and now this?  Will he marry someone else?  Will someone else love my kids the way I do?  Is it even possible?  I want him to be happy and to not be alone...but the kids.  What about them?  He's a great daddy - he'll do what's right.  I have to remember to tell him that I want love for him.

Why are my hands shaking?  Is that a symptom of something?

Damn.  The other light is turning yellow.  Mine's gonna turn green soon.  Deep breath, Daiquiri.  Don't get in a car accident on top of all this.

In a year from now, will my children have their mommy?

In a year from now, will my husband be considering the idea of somehow moving on with his life?  

In a year from now, will my parents and sisters be visiting me in a place I really don't want to be?

And then, to no one in particular...What does this year hold for us?

That's when it happened.  I was thinking my most unimaginable worst case scenario.  I was feeling completely alone and lost and fearful.  And then He spoke.  He spoke in that still small voice that is almost like a thought of my own...but where did that thought come from?  I know that voice - that's not mine.  And this time?  It was almost audible.  If I wasn't so overcome with stillness and peace, I would have whipped my head frantically to see if I could SEE where that voice was coming from, even though I already knew.

He said, "Daiquiri, my sweet, this year holds another baby for you."

WHAT?!?  Don't get me wrong - I loved the idea, but where did THAT come from?!  I was thinking death and pain and suffering and loss and fear and all other things horrible.  A baby was certainly not even the tiniest of blips on my crazy little radar at that moment.  And He answers my rhetorical question with NEW LIFE.

Sheesh.  Only Him, ya know?

My light turned green, and I drove.  My thoughts were quiet (except for the occasional "did I really hear that, or am I crazy?").  I was not afraid.  

Oh boy, this story could get really long.  I don't know though - you're probably not all that interested in every single little poke and prod that I endured that night and in the following weeks.  

Let's just say that if you ever want IMMEDIATE and thorough care in the ER, simply walk in the door and utter the words "chest pain".  Wheelchair...pokes...monitors...15 different people....a million questions.  I was thinking someone would take a quick listen with a stethoscope, but I got a whirlwind of every imaginable test instead.  Thorough is good, I guess.

They didn't find anything frightening in the ER that night, but I was referred to a cardiologist.  That good man put me on a very steep and fast treadmill, and monitored my heart while they kicked my butt.  I failed the treadmill test.  It looked like there was something wrong.  

Fear.  Nightmares.  Doubt - did I hear what I thought I did?

At the time, Sammy was just 13 months old and I was still happily nursing her.  But the next test they needed to do involved injecting a radioactive dye into my blood so that they could get a better look at my heart.  Unless I wanted my little Sammy to start glowing in the dark, I had to find another way to feed her for about 4 weeks.  I decided to wean her instead.

I wasn't ready for any of this.  I wasn't ready for this test.  I wasn't ready to wean my baby.  I wasn't ready to get bad news.  I wasn't ready to be begging for my very life in my prayers every 3 minutes.

The test came back just fine.  There was nothing wrong with my heart.  

A month and a half later, I learned that I was pregnant.

A year after driving myself to the ER one dark and scary night, I had a my sweet little 3 month old Thomas Robert.

I still look at him as my little ray of hope - my promise.  My evidence that I'm not crazy and that the voice I heard that night was exactly Who I thought it was.  And every now and then as I watch my little boy run around the house, chase the dog, throw the ball, torment his big sister...I think : 

This little boy was in the Plan long before he was here.  This little boy was meant to be.  This little boy is exactly who He was talking about.

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W.O.W.

One of my good friends hosts the occasional W.O.W (within one week) meme.  I've always avoided it because I hate to commit to doing something I've been avoiding.  I tend to avoid for a reason...primarily because the thing I'm avoiding is a pain in the tush.

The general idea is that we blog about what we want to complete "within one week".   We can cheer each other on, check out everyone's progress, and share our progress.

As if this isn't a cool enough idea all on it's own, Becky throws in a prize at the end of the week for one (or two) of the participants.

Alright - so I'm going to try and do this.  My thing?  I'm drowning in photos.  Not D Rose Photography stuff...family snapshot stuff.  I try and print pictures on a regular basis and get them in albums.  I'm horribly behind.  I haven't finished my 2008 album, never mind my 2009 album.  

So my plan for this W.O.W.?  I guess I have to set a specific goal, huh?  I can't just say "I'm going to work on pictures"?

Okay - I'm going to shoot for getting the rest of last year's pics sorted, printed, and put in an album.  Oh boy, that's a lot.  Wish me luck...

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Trauma

Okay, so I have some explaining to do before you look at these movie clips.

Ben has had a dangling front tooth for ages - the thing was getting all grey and nasty, so we decided to pull it out.  We tried several days ago, but nothing happened with a gentle tug, so we took the string off and let it dangle for another couple of days.  That was the plan this time too - give it a gentle tug and hopefully it would pop right out.  If not, just let it go for a while longer.

But then this happened.  Ben cried.  I almost cried.  I still wanna cry just thinking about it.

I gave that darn tooth a gentle tug...and HALF of it came out...meaning that it came out sort of crooked.  One little section of tooth was still hanging in there, and the other half was poking painfully into his gums.  

I had two options:  

1.  Pin the kid down on the floor while I wiggled the tooth back IN (would have taken a while and would have hurt like crazy).

2.  Give one hard tug and get the tooth all the way out.  

I had roughly 2 milliseconds to decide, and I chose #2.  It was awful.  But Ben was brave and a popsicle made his world right again.  I, on the other hand, will never be the same.  I'm never pulling a tooth out again even if they beg (which I'm pretty sure they won't after seeing this mishap).  

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Bloggie Burnout

Spring cleaning, kids' sports, school activities, getting the yard and house ready for summer...and blogging?  Um, yeah.  Blogging is just not much of a priority for me lately.  And honestly, I just have so little of use going through this old brain of mine lately!  Seriously - empty.

Add to that the fact that Thomas literally screeches at me and tries to push me off this chair each time I sit in front of the computer (he even bit me in the leg today!)...a not-so-subtle hint?

In other news - I'm wondering...if I eat 5 chocolate chip oatmeal cookies for breakfast...can I just say "I had oatmeal"?  Does that count?

Wanna hear something really ironic considering what I've been pondering this morning?  I just wrote an article for Helium called "20 Tips For Dieting Success".  Oatmeal cookies were nowhere on the list.  I know how to have dieting success...but actually doing it is another story.   If I actually get paid for that article I'm going to feel like such a hypocrite.  Maybe I'll just take the money and go buy chocolate.

See...empty. 

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All Better

Sammy's bedtime prayer last night:

"Fank you God for me not fwowin' up no more!"

Amen, sister!

And her creative ultimatum this morning:

"Mama, you get to choose.  I get to wash dishes or you gonna make cookies with me.  Now."

And of course, what's a day if Mama isn't put in her place just a tad:

"Mama, your breff smells funny.  And (while rubbing my leg) what's these pokies on yer leg? Dey really really poky!"

She's spunky.  She's got the manners of, well, a 3 year old.  But she's all better.  

I'll take it.

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I Can't Get Enough Of This Family!

I've been having so much fun processing the photos from my most recent shoot.  This sweet family is so joyful and spunky...and it comes through in the photos.  For a bunch more of my favorites, click on over to my Photography Blog.  

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A Major Award

Don't you just love that part of "A Christmas Story" when the dad gets a "major award"?  Cracks me up every time :)

My sweet friend, Becky nominated me for this award.  I'm so touched!  The rules are that I'm supposed to list 7 things that I love and then pass the award on to 7 other bloggers.

Seven things I love:

1.  Opening windows and letting a spring breeze sweep through my house.

2.  My folks' cottage in Wisconsin.

3.  Anticipating something good - the anticipation is sometimes even better than the "something".

4.  About 8:15 PM when all my kids are tucked in and drifting to sleep.

5.  Dashing home after taking pictures to load them on my computer...and finding one or two really awesome shots.

6.  When my husband walks in the door after work.  He's hugging and kissing the kids...but he's looking at ME.  Good Lord...what did I do to deserve him?

7.  The joy on my kids' faces when they're doing something they love.  

And 7 bloggers I love:

Lisa Michele Photography

Bayou Belle

Jane, Jack, and Lulie

The Homespun Heart

Choosing Voluntary Simplicity

One Thing

Confessions From The Rubber Room

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The Joyful Grind

We are one tired little family today.  At any given time last night, at least two of us were up and about when we should have been sleeping.  Nightmares, wetting the bed, barfing...Oh.  My.

Sammy was the sick one.  Have I mentioned less than a million times just how much I despise having sick kids?  Hate it.  Thankfully, she's perking up already...eating toast and adamantly requesting "McDonald's apple juice" instead of the Pedialyte apple juice I'm serving today.  I'm just glad she has some fight in her!

And me...my brain is just flat messed up.  Hormone fluctuations were never my friend, but lately they make me positively inSANE.  I scream and cry and eat everything in sight...as long as I'm awake, but mostly I can't keep my eyes open.  I feel like an irrational teenager, but don't know what to do about it.  So far consuming lots of chocolate, guacamole and Coca-Cola seems to be the best medicine, but it's not lasting and it's not doing good things for the fit of my jeans.  Anyone know about that medicine "Yaz"?  I think I'll ask my doctor about it.

Trying to keep perspective here in my prison of no showers, an endless loop of irritating cartoons, screaming kids (who probably want to get out of the house as much as I do), and sick little ones.  

This too shall pass.

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