Being Who God Wants Me To Be

I'm not a change person. I tend to like things "just the way they are". In fact, change usually makes me really uncomfortable. Most of the time, I'd rather do all I can to keep things the same than to take a chance with something new. A good example of this? My living room furniture. Yes, my furniture. I'm one of those people who figures out the "best" way to arrange the furniture, and then leaves it there...FOREVER. And EVER. Amen.

So when the Lord moves in my life and starts changing stuff around on me? I usually don't like it...not one little bit.

I resist.
I beg.
I plead.
I whine.
I cry.

And then, when I see what he's done? I rejoice! I know that things are better than they were, and I know that I'm a different person.

I can see the why do I still resist the next time? "But Lord, I don't WANT to forgive!" or "Submit?! But he's WRONG!"

Ugh. It can just be so painful to grow, don't you think?

I was reminded of this process of growth when I was in my garden this week. I was thrilled to see my beautiful tomatoes, onions, and raspberries. All my fertilizing and pruning had paid off, and I was harvesting buckets of goodies.

And then I moved to the rows of carrots I'd planted. They were a slightly different story. Growing carrots is sort of a painful experience for me. I planted the tiny seeds, covered them with dirt, and watered faithfully. Sure enough, it wasn't long before I was rewarded with little green sprouts poking their baby carrot heads through the soil. But there were SO many!

Time passed, and the little green sprouts began to look more and more like the tops of carrots. They were jam packed in there, one after the other with almost no space in between. I knew I had to thin the rows.

I hated thinning the carrots. It's not the dirt under the fingernails that bothered me...I actually enjoy that for some strange reason. It was the part where I pulled up perfectly good carrots and threw them in the compost bin that bothered me. They were tiny...they looked like toothpicks. But they looked like little carrots! I was loathe to kill them even though I knew it was for the best.

I thinned a few, and then told myself that "It'll just work itself out", and stopped. I let them grow all packed in there. It was this week that I realized my mistake.

The first row of carrots was beautiful...big, healthy carrots.

The second row? Terrible. From the top, you would have never known the problem. But as soon as I started pulling them up, I saw what had happened. I pulled on one big green top, expecting a giant beauty. Instead, I got this:

The color wasn't right. As you can see, it was more white than orange. But the most disturbing part was to see how three carrots had grown together. Those three little toothpick sized carrots that I thought had such potential that I didn't want to thin them? They fought and fought and fought for survival...and in the end, they all lost. Pretty much that whole row of un-thinned carrots came out like this.

I heard that little voice say, "You see, Daiquiri? Change is painful. Pruning is painful. Thinning is painful. But it is for your good. I love you and I want the very best for you. Trust me. I will only prune and change where necessary."

Sometimes it doesn't seem like change is for the good. It seems that everything is going along just fine, thank-you-very-much.

But the Lord...he knows in his infinite knowledge and wisdom just how things will turn out. And if I am to truly let him be my Lord, I have to bow my knee to him and acknowledge that he knows best. Even if it hurts. Even if I can't see the "master plan". Even when he "pulls out" something from my life that looks good and full of potential and throws it in the trash!

So I'm going to try and remember that mutant carrot! I don't want my life or heart to look like that. I want to submit to the One who knows how to best "grow me" into the best me I can possibly be. I want rich colors. I want a fragrance that is pleasing to my Creator. I want fruit that shows the world the glorious riches of a life in Jesus.

And most of all, I want God to be pleased. When he comes to harvest the bounty of my heart, I want him to feel that all his patience and love and effort was well worth it. I want him to find beauty in me.

Do your work, Lord. Finish what you've started in me. In the end, I trust that any changes you make will be for the best. (And when I'm in the midst of turmoil and struggle, please remind me that I said this.)

PS. Lord, you know how I wrote last week about praising you through suffering? And then I crushed my fingers in the door? Yeah, um, I really hope this post doesn't bring forth such painful testing! But if it does, you're the boss. I guess. No are! But you're gonna have to give me the strength to get through, okay? I'm doing my best to trust you here. Please be gentle, Lord.

"...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Please share what the Lord has taught you this week!

Seek The Lord Sunday Participants

1. robin

2. The Mane Point

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Robin  – (9/21/2008 08:57:00 AM)  

That was so touching, so true! Thanks, I really enjoyed reading that. It's true, growth is hard, but very important to our relationship to the father. So glad to meet another child of God. hope you will stop over and say hello too!

Anonymous –   – (9/21/2008 06:59:00 PM)  

Another great, encouraging post.

Sometimes, He teaches us lessons in surprising ways, if we just stop a moment to pay attention:



Anonymous –   – (9/21/2008 08:20:00 PM)  

Hi Daiquiri, I found your blog because of the LDS posts you're doing. I just read this post and had to leave a comment because it reminds me of a story called The Currant Bush that I had read years ago and has always stuck with me as a great life lesson.

I think it's really amazing how closely that story parallels your experience.

It can be a painful lesson sometimes but it's good to know that God is in charge and He has a plan for us.

Melissa  – (9/21/2008 09:23:00 PM)  


I found your spot much like Rob. I've been reading with interest but have not been ready to comment as of yet. However, when I saw your picture of the white carrots I couldn't keep quiet. I want to assure you that the metaphor you described was not lost on me. I think it is beautiful and poignant and I agree 100%. But, the white carrots are the perfect visual for the children's book Bunnicula -- dread rabbit vampire. He drains vegetables of all their color. I hope you don't mind but I copied the photo to my desktop so I could share it with my second graders who are enthralled with the story. :)

Fern RL  – (9/22/2008 06:13:00 PM)  

I would just like to share a personal experience of mine that happened approximately 20 years ago.

I was expecting my 4th child, and for some reason I had an over-abundance of energy, so at 7 months along I was taking the steps two at a time when I slipped and broke my foot catching myself on it on the landing.

I didn't like having a broken foot, as you can imagine, but I was happy for what I had--the pregnancy, for example.

What took me five more years to realize, though, was that I should have been happy for the broken foot itself. I came to feel that it was a blessing from God, and one I probably asked for.

I realized that my daughter who came on her due date weighing only 5 lbs. 15 oz. would probably have weighed less, and may not have survived at all, if I had not been slowed down considerably by the broken foot.

ldsneighbor  – (9/23/2008 11:19:00 AM)  

Daiquiri, you are an amazing writer. And I like how you draw life's lessons from everyday experiences. I enjoy reading your blog.

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