Only 6 Years Old, And Already Moving Out & Getting Married

My heart is on the verge of breaking right in two.

Just yesterday, my firstborn son was a nursing babe of 7 months old. He was smiling a toothy grin. He was giggling. He was scooting along the floor, and chasing down cheerios on his high chair tray.

And in just one more month, he's gone. At least it feels like it. He'll be starting first grade...he'll be spending more time with his friends and teachers than he will at home with me. His Mama.

It's just a short leap of 11 years until he's gone. A young man. Leaving my house, never to live under my roof again.

How long 'till he stops calling me "Mommy", I wonder?

Just yesterday, the neighbor kids were over at our house playing. One of them said, "I can't wait for next month! School starts! First grade...we'll be in school ALL DAY!!"

I about dropped to the floor in shock and horror! The look on Ben's face told me that he wasn't all that excited either..."But I'm gonna miss you, Mommy", he said in a sad voice.

We went shopping for lunch boxes the other night. He burst into tears at the frustration and stress of having to choose between a hard plastic, or an insulated soft box? Hulk or Spidey? Batman or Panda?

It might have been frustration. It might have been that he was tired. Or maybe he was still thinking "I'm going to miss you, Mommy". I almost cried too because all I could think about was the fact that he won't come bounding off the bus at lunch time. So we sat on the floor at Walmart, and looked at each other over a pile of lunchboxes with tears in our eyes.

What can I do? What can I do to make sure he has peace and joy and fulfillment in life? True love? A passion for following the Lord in all he does? I want my little boy to be my sweet little Ben forever. But he's growing up so fast! He's tall. He's handsome. He's considerate and good. I love him with all I am.

Oh, Lord. Watch over my Benjamin. And while you're at it, would you try to patch up my proud, yet tattered, heart?

Growin' with it  – (7/17/2008 11:07:00 AM)  

v-o-l-u-n-t-e-e-r! that was my answer to the 1st grader blues last year. i thought i was gonna bawl all day and then end of my summer was such a bummer cuz i anticipated it so badly. so volunteering in his classroom was a huge help to the *mommy's baby is growing up to fast* blues!

Anonymous –   – (7/17/2008 12:03:00 PM)  

You could always homeschool him instead. ; )

Chris  – (7/17/2008 12:47:00 PM)  

I feel with you. My oldest will be a great first grader too, and our house won't quite be the same with just one at home. While most of his learning is at home, school gets to augment what DH and I teach... all those life lessons are so important too. Blessings as you treasure each moment as they happen... looking back or forward is just too tough. Mt.6:34

Lisa  – (7/17/2008 01:23:00 PM)  

What sweet moments!

I feel the same...missing my boy and he's not gone yet.

I loved reading this!

a  – (7/17/2008 07:47:00 PM)  

Wow! This post brought tears to my eyes. My little guy is 15 months old, and I already am sad to think about that day.

Miki  – (7/17/2008 08:13:00 PM)  

You and I have something in common...our firsts in first grade this year. I went through the blues so bad during Kindergarten (and yes, I volunteered my eyes out) that I think I'm more settled about it this year. Maybe I just "blued myself out", so this year, I'm actually a little excited (but still nervous of course).

You sound so much like me when Ryan went away last year. I would sit in the parking lot and watch him play. I actually ran over to him one morning amongst all of the teachers and other little kids because he fell on the ice, and split his lip open. I was there for him. It was hard to let go and still is! He had such a great teacher last year, and she cared for him as much as I did it seemed, so it made the blow a little softer. I hope little Ben has great experiences this year and a teacher that cares for him as much as you obviously do! Us poor mommies need to stick together! I wish you and me the best! It's so hard!

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