It's Been A Poop-Tastic Morning...

If it didn't happen to me, I'm not sure that I'd even believe this story.

Good morning, Lord. Thanks for a pretty good night's sleep. It's Monday. Be close, please. Help me be a good mom.

I was sitting on the edge of the tub brushing my teeth, half awake. Hubby walks in, grabs the Clorox wipes from the counter and says, "Dog accident."


I shower, get dressed, and am drying my hair when hubby comes in to give me the low-down. Extra was sick last night and pooped all. over. the. place. Thank goodness we keep the dogs kenneled at night, so the mess is relatively contained. The dog cushion? In the trash. The kennel? Outside, waiting to be hosed down. The dogs? Ditto. But the floor...and oh, joy...the walls are still filthy.

Oh Lord, this isn't exactly the way I was hoping to start my day.

I head out to assess the damage...and the SMELL. Oh. I almost lost my cookies.

I washed and scrubbed and sanitized the morning away. There is now ONE lone corner of our house which is completely clean. So clean, I could eat off it. That is, if the stench of sick dog wasn't still so thick in the air, and I didn't feel like throwing up. Or selling the dogs. Or running away. And never coming back.

OK. Got the mess all cleaned up, and the house is airing out. Close eyes. Deep breath (while standing near an open window). Start the day over. A song is in my head.

Jesus, all for Jesus. All I am and have, and ever hope to be. For it's only in your will that I am free. All of my ambitions hopes and plans, I surrender these unto your hands. Jesus, all for Jesus. All I am and have, and ever hope to be.

Get Clara all ready for school. We have to leave the house in about 5 minutes. Food, check. Clothes, check. Hair, check. Potty break...

"Mommy, the toilet is plugged!"

"OK, I'll take care of it. Run upstairs and take your potty break."

Grab the plunger. Go to clear the toilet out...and the dang thing OVERFLOWS. You have GOT to be kidding! Poop water all over the bathroom floor.


OK...get it cleaned up...wash my hands practically raw. Realize that Sammy's diaper is sopping and drooping to her knees. Dash upstairs, grab her a new diaper and change her.

Run back upstairs, wake Thomas (poor kiddo), feed and change him. Run downstairs. We shoulda left 3 minutes ago.

Oh Lord, help us get there on time.

"Sammy! Clara! Go get in the car!"

"No Mommy...poopy."

Yup...more poop.

Oh Lord...Come ON!

Change Sammy's diaper. Dash out to the car. Mercifully...get Clara to school on time.

And do you know what else? Thomas hasn't pooped in like 4 days. Something tells me that today is a good day for an out the diaper, up the back, and squirt out the onesie neck hole kind of event. Bring it on. I'm all about the cleaning and bathing and disinfecting today...might as well add one more!

For those of you who have actually stuck around to read this oh-so pleasant and dignified post, I have a picture for you. Might as well end it on a good note:

Wait, that's not it...
So sorry. I just couldn't resist a little humor. Oh, come on. It's funny and you know it. Aren't you glad I'm so dignified, so mature? This is the kind of thing that Proverbs 31 is all about, right? Oh my. Let's try a different picture:

Keep scrolling...let's get that last picture and all the poop talk off the screen...just keep scrolling...

This is more like let's all put poop out of our heads. Let's think sweet thoughts. Let's think summery sweet strawberry thoughts. Let's think about some pretty strawberry note cards. Let's think about strawberry shortcake and picnics and...what? What is that smell? Oh, I'll spare you the details. You just continue to think about strawberries....

Becky Avella  – (4/07/2008 12:29:00 PM)  

I would tell you that this was a great post (hillarious) if I wasn't so sick to my stomach from reading it. : )

Sorry you had to live through that this morning, and yes I am so thankful that we have stayed strong and avoided getting a dog. : ) We'll just borrow yours to play with when they are feeling better.

Sarah M  – (4/07/2008 12:58:00 PM)  

ohhh man, do I KNOW THE FEELING! We have two big dogs (in fact, your little black girl looks like ours!) and they kennel time our boy dog got sick (same thing--luckily they 'kenneled' in the unfinished basement) and our poor girl dog was so grossed out, she puked on top of the mess...and that was at 2 in the morning! yikes!
My hub was gagging for like, 20 minutes! hahaha!

Anonymous –   – (4/07/2008 02:45:00 PM)  

just returned from D.C. after a weekend of seeing family and meeting with politicians; this post reminds me of some of those interactions.

by the way, you'd better clean that camera lens.


Kenny and Jen  – (4/07/2008 02:57:00 PM)  

Oh Daiquiri! I think you just ruined strawberries for me for a few weeks.. now every time I see one I'll think of... well... you know :)

Praying that your day gets better!

ocean mommy  – (4/07/2008 06:02:00 PM)  

Bless your heart.....That sounds like something that would happen in our home...


Anonymous –   – (4/07/2008 08:26:00 PM)  

Yikes! What a day! Tomorrow is a new one. :)


Teresa  – (4/08/2008 07:35:00 AM)  

Great post!! Totally love your humor!

Leigha  – (4/08/2008 08:24:00 AM)  

hahaha..I deal with poop everyday on the job too! I know how you feel! Thanks for making my day..

Crystal  – (4/08/2008 05:22:00 PM)  

This is the beat post!!! YOU are very funny, I have a feeling we would be good friends in "real" life : ) How old are your kids? Mine are 6, 4, 3 and 4 months. It sounds like a morning I have had before. When vomiting goes through the house I want to hide and I'm an R.N. I used to watch many people puke for a living : ) How did you make it to school on time?

Daiquiri  – (4/08/2008 06:33:00 PM)  

Hi Crystal- My kids are 6, 5, 2, and 6 months.

How did I get to school? I don't know, really. My guess? By the grace of God!


Summer  – (9/12/2008 12:46:00 PM)  

Bah ha! This caught my eye because of the post I did this morning. I seriously enjoy your writing skills. So funny!!!

aknaturegirl  – (6/01/2009 04:02:00 PM)  

OH MY GOSH! I am still laughing! So you were on my same page the other day when I was late because of Lola's poopy problem.. Ahh.. the fun things we discover in parenting that we never thought we would be dealing with! LOL!

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