This is a rooster at my sister's house. He's bold and (ahem) cocky, and is the best watch bird I've ever seen. He crows incessantly at us every time we show up. Drives Luke crazy - he's always saying "that bird would be fajitas soooo fast if it were up to me".
But cool looking poultry is not what's on my mind today. I just like the picture.
What's on my mind is waiting...waiting on the Lord's timing even when waiting is exactly what I DON"T want to do.
Figuring out what I want is half the battle with me. But once I figure it out, I want it NOW. I go after it. I make it work. I find a way and I just do it. This has just been the way I do things - I'm a go-getter.
Based on worldly standards, this is a good trait. It makes me strong and bold and, usually, very successful.
Based on Godly standards, it's not always a good trait. It's good sometimes, but only because God tends to get things worked out despite my arrogance and boldness. And I suppose it's good sometimes because when I see a need, I typically just jump in and get it done. Action is a good thing when it's motive is love.
But I'm not talking about stopping to give a sandwich to the homeless guy or spontaneously telling someone that Jesus loves them. I'm talking about big life stuff. For the big life stuff, I'm working hard to wait on the Lord's will and timing.
My motivation is mostly selfish, I'll admit. God knows best. He's shown me time and time (and time and time) again that He loves me and knows me even better than I do. He wants good things for me. I can trust Him. It makes the waiting a bit more tolerable, knowing that the result will be even better than I could have dreamed up for myself.
God has quite the imagination when it comes to showering me with blessings!
A good example of this is the amazing guy I ended up marrying. I spent many years feeling desperately lonely. I dated. A lot. I found lots and lots of duds, but I also found some wonderful men who were...well...wonderful. Kind. Fun. Funny. Handsome. Sweet. I even found one or two really wonderful men who adored me. And I tried desperately to make myself feel what I knew I should be feeling for the "one", but I just couldn't. I can think of one time in particular when I had to break up with someone who I loved dearly....just not like that...I begged God to let him be the one for me, but he just wasn't. Boy, I cried and cried and cried...and wondered if I'd thrown something terrible away.
He's a miracle. The way I feel about him (after 13 years of marriage and 4 babies) is nothing short of a God-thing. See? God had something in mind for me, and I'm so thankful that He gave me the strength and courage to wait on His perfect will and timing.
So that's what I'm trying to do now. I know what I want. But every time I pray about it, do you know what happens? It drives me crazy. The song that goes "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord....." rings through my head. "Wait upon the Lord" ends up cycling through my head all the darn day. It seems my answer is clear.
And if it's not, my recent Bible reading should give me a clue. The past two times I was feeling particularly desperate, I prayed in earnest to hear from Him. "Talk to me Lord. Tell me what you have for me. Help!" And then, not knowing where to start reading, I just sort of opened the Book and read.
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Luke 12:31-32 "Yet seek ye his kingdom, and these things shall be added unto you. Fear not, little flock: for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."
Both times, I hear Him whispering to my heart and soul...."I see you. I know you. I love you. I'm taking care of things. Rest in me and trust. Just keep your eye on me and WAIT."
As if that wasn't enough, I heard my girls talking the other day. Clara wanted Sammy to go with her to do something and Sammy replied "Just a minute please. You must wait for a second while I finish what I'm doing here."
Oh boy....she sounded exactly like her Mama! With all 4 kids home now, I'm constantly being interrupted. I'm on the phone, I'm folding laundry, I'm making a meal....but they need something NOW. So they get told to "wait a second" a LOT lately.
I can't tell you how happy I was to hear Sammy saying "just a minute please" instead of "GIVE ME A BREAK! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING SOMETHING HERE?! GIVE ME FIVE FREAKING SECONDS OF PEACE, WILL YOU?!"
I don't know where she'd get the idea to say something like that (ahem).
Their little exchange just hit me. It was like God was giving me a nudge and saying, "See? sometimes the kids have to wait while the parent gets some necessary work done."
OKAY....I get it.
So here I sit. My heart and dreams in His capable hands. Waiting...