Today is a quiet, grey, and rainy day. Well, quiet but for the birds singing their songs from my trees. There's a little red-breasted bird that keeps visiting my bird feeder. My Grandma loved birds - the last gift I gave her was a little ceramic bird that looks like this same little bird on my feeder. When I watch that bird peck at the thistle, I see my Grandma lying on her couch, carefully opening the package, and the happy gleam in her eye as she held that little piece of bird-shaped glass.
"Put it over there", she said in a quiet voice. She was smiling at me and pointing a tired finger at the shelf that was in her line of vision when she rested on the couch.
I gave it to her as a Christmas present. It was Thanksgiving time, but I knew I wouldn't be back for Christmas, so I gave her the gift early. I think I knew in my heart that it would be the last time I saw her. That must have been the reason for my compulsive need to hug and kiss her and to keep telling her how much I loved her.
"Ya. Love you too", she'd say with a gentle hand patting my cheek. I loved her hands.
Hmmm. I don't quite know where this is coming from. I sure didn't sit down with a plan to write about Grandma.
I'm in limbo today. Sort of half way between doing about 15 things. Can't figure out what I want to do...what I should do. Wandering around the house...tinkering...looking...feeling uneasy. I wish God would send me a memo with some life's goals outlined for me.
I can't quite tell if I'm bored or overwhelmed. Know the feeling?