He Gets an A+ In "Mommy Guilt 101"

Oh, my sweet boy has my heart all a jumble of pride and sadness and guilt tonight. Let me explain...

Hubby is out of town on business. I hate it when he has to be away. The kids hate it. And Hubby hates it. But hey, it's a job with relatively good security, benefits, and flexibility. I'm thankful, I really am.

But have I said this yet?...I hate it when he has to travel.

I miss my best friend. I miss under the covers toe warmer. I miss my kid's Daddy. Everything is less fun and more work without him. All of that and cold toes to boot. (sigh)

So why the pity party? Because I'm leading up to something here...

Ben has been such a joy the past couple of days. He's just been helpful and cheerful and sweet. He's my kid who, when he thinks I might be feeling sad, tells me silly jokes. After a few jokes, he'll say, "Are you feeling happy now, Mommy?"

Well, tonight as I was tucking the kids into bed Ben said, "Oh, I miss Daddy."
"Me too, buddy."
"Have you noticed Mommy? I've been trying to be really good while he's away."
"You have been extra nice haven't you?"
"Yeah! And sometimes when you ask me to do yucky stuff that I'd normally say 'no' to...lately, I've just been doing it!"
"Oh? Like what do you mean?"
"You know, Mommy...like throwing away that gross diaper when you asked me to."
"Oh, okay."
"I've been trying really hard to make it easy for you while Daddy's away. I'm the man of the house when he's not here, you know."
"I know, sweetie. And you've done a great job. You've been taking really great care of us."
"Yeah....(big sigh, as if the weight of the world is getting a bit heavy)...I sure miss Daddy."

Oh, my little man! I feel so proud of him for trying to step up and help when Daddy's gone. But is he too burdened? Have I done or said something that makes him feel responsible for my feelings? I'm the parent here...I'm the one who's supposed to make it easier on him!

I think I've said this, oh, about 94 times before...I sure hope I'm not screwing these kids up for good!

Missing My Boy

This is Ben's first full day of school without my participation. I haven't seen the little guy since 8 this morning. I miss him.

There Goes My Heart...

...Driving down the road in a big yellow school bus! Today was the first day of school for my "big kids". It was a flurry of excitement and nerves and joy and a bit of fear. But it was good.

We had a wonderful time getting all gussied up for the big day. Clara with her new haircut, and Ben with his beloved new "tie shoes" :) Here, I'll let you look at some pictures while I go wipe my eyes and blow my nose...




Headed out to wait for the bus, which (thankfully) stops right in front our our house.


Here are the kindergartners. Did I mention that when I brought Clara in for her checkup last week the doctor estimated her at 120% in height and weight? She's a beauty...


I'm so very thankful that my kids have such wonderful friends. It gives me amazing peace to know that they're not alone out there in the big world. Without me. Their Mommy. The one who gave birth to them and has cared for them every day of their little lives. Who loves them more than anyone else in the world does, has, or ever will.



Oh! The bus is here! I meant to get a shot of Ben getting on too, but he was too quick for me. Look at my baby girl on that big bus!



My little ones were pretty interested in all the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the bus. And when it actually pulled up in all it's loud, diesel spewing glory and they watched their big brother and sister climb on? Well, it must have been a sight to behold for them!

Don't get any ideas, little ones. You're stuck with me for a while longer. Maybe I'll even home-school you. Or...not.



Yes, I am that mommy. That mommy who actually climbed ON the bus with the kids so I could get pictures. I figure I'd better do it now before the kids are too embarrassed by me. They're still hugging and kissing me in public...I'm hoping it lasts through this school year at least.

But the little love note I snuck in Ben's lunch box along with a surprise cookie? Hubby tells me that'll probably get my little Ben a beating from his buddies. I hope not...

(By the way, this is Ben waving...not him flipping me the bird!)

After we got them on the bus, we piled in the car and hustled on over to the school so we could be there to help them find their classes and get settled in. Here they are coming off the bus at school:

We got them all settled into their classrooms (Ben actually has a desk...a DESK!), and then we were off. Ben wanted me to stay for the whole day (awww, he loves me), but I knew I had to leave so he could spread his wings a little bit.

That, and the teacher was dragging me out of the classroom while I screamed "BEENNNN! I LOOOVE YOU! BE STRONG FOR MOMMY! BE A BIG BOY! I'LL MIIISSS YOU!"

Not really, but wouldn't that be funny? In sort of a sick, overbearing, my mom is a lunatic kind of way?

Oh boy, I sure hope I don't mess my kids up for good.


And here's my little Clara in her class. Oh, that girl. She's spunky and feisty and wild and she drives me absolutely nuts. But boy oh boy, do I ever love her.



So here I am...suddenly down to two kiddos at home with me (for half the day anyway). Hubby mentioned that maybe we should find a part time pre-preschool for little Sammy so she's not so bored without her sister and brother. Not a chance though. I'm not giving away this time with her for nothin'!

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that their pre-school years go by too quickly as it is. Before I know it, we'll be doing college graduations and weddings. But that won't be so bad, since then it will be time for them to move into that nice house across the street from us.

Right?...

They're Baaaack!

I was at the mall yesterday, doing some school shopping for my two older kids. We were getting worn out, but still having a good time. We ate at the food court (Panda Express always makes my day), we had found some great clothes, and we were looking forward to finishing out trip with an ice cream cone on our way out.

But then suddenly and without warning, I was whisked away. I was taken back, back, back...to a place far far away. It was the 1980's!

I had an amazing perm, so my hair was gloriously huge. I made sure it stayed that way by carrying a hair pic and some Aqua Net with me everywhere. Wham! Was telling us to wake 'em up before they went, went. I had pictures of Kirk Cameron and Menudo on my closet door...right next to the poems about love and loss that I had clipped out of Teen Magazine. My heart was broken every 2.5 seconds by that one guy who looked like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

And I was a walking fashion statement. Aside from the most excellent spiral perm mentioned above, I had the makeup thing down. The blue mascara....the purple eyeshadow...the glitter lip gloss. Top it all off with a knock-off perfume from the drug store, and I was set. And the clothes! Oh, the clothes. Stretch pants, leg warmers, long shirts, and big belts wrapped around my waist (over the shirt, and at just the right angle). And of course, no outfit was complete without a nice long strand of beads tied in a knot . I was IT, man! So rad!

And then, just as suddenly as I was whisked away, I was back. I was back at the mall, staring at the reason for my time warp...it was a pair of these:

I stood there and pointed and gasped and laughed and looked around for anyone that might be seeing what I was seeing: Stirrup Pants! I can't believe it!! There will likely come a time when I'm buying these for my girls. Oh, and I was so hopeful that my fashion sins would not be revisited upon my daughters.

Please, Lord. Please. The stretch pants...maybe I can live with them. But the blue eyeshadow? Please spare my girls the horror. Better yet, could you maybe come back some time before junior high? Dating? Driving?

I need to go lie down...

Goodbye Baby Goodies...

I sold my baby gear today. The bumbo seat. The wipe warmer. The swing. Oh my.

As I sat in the second hand store, watching them sort and test and poke at my precious baby gear, I was in a fog. A fog of memories...shopping for all this stuff with such joy and anticipation. Opening the wonderful packages at my baby showers. The way my babies looked all bundled up and sleeping in the swing. The sound of the wipe warmer clicking shut after a midnight diaper change. The feel of my babies against my body as I carried them in the front carrier...I always loved how their impossibly soft fuzzy heads were at just the right height that I could simply put my head down, close my eyes, and breathe in their sweet baby smell.

Seventy-five bucks. For my used baby stuff. For my baby memories.

Oh, I know, I know. I wasn't selling my baby memories. But have you ever noticed how a particular fabric pattern, or a particular sound or smell can bring up incredible memories? I hated to part with the stuff. Sure, a certain corner of our bedroom is now cleared out. But I'll never have another baby again? How can that be? How is it that I will never again tuck my sleeping babe into that sweet little blue and white flowered bassinet?

"Did they buy it, Mom?" was the inquiry of my two oldest kids. The money from the sale funded their school supply shopping.

"Yup. We're done here."

"Yay! Let's go! I want a 'Hello Kitty' backpack, okay?"

"And I want a 'Hulk" one!"

"And I want glue sticks, not the gooey white kind. Sticks, okay, Mom?"

"Do you think we'll be able to get a treat after shopping?"

Yeah, they're done with this baby stuff. I guess they're ready to move on. Wait for me, kiddos. Wait for me.

The Heart Of A Man

My heart just about burst with pride this evening as I saw my oldest son grow right before my eyes.

It started as I was getting the kids to bed. Clara and Benjamin came walking up to me, each holding one end of something long and black. Clara said, "Look what we found in the play room Mommy. It's yours!"

It was the chest strap to my heart rate monitor.

"Hey! That IS mine! How did it end up in the play room? That's not okay!"

I looked back and forth between their two faces. Their pride in presenting me with something they knew belonged to me had vanished and was replaced with a fear of getting in trouble.

"Not me!", they said in unison.

"Well, I certainly didn't put it up there. One of you must have. Who? I expect honesty."

"Samantha must have done it", suggested Benjamin.

"No. I keep it on top of my dresser, and Sammy can't reach up there."

"Now who?"

Silence.

"Okay, well, no allowance for either of you until I get honesty from whoever took it."

The evening went on. Teeth...brushed. Jammies...on. Room...straightened. Faces...washed. Books...chosen.

I ran downstairs to grab something, and on my way back up, Benjamin met me in the middle.

"Mommy? You know that black strap thing? I took it from your room. I'm sorry. I didn't know that it was so important to you."

I could see the fear in his eyes, but also the relief of having told the truth.

"Oh, Benjamin. I do wish you hadn't taken something that wasn't yours, but I am very proud of you for telling me the truth. I forgive you, Sweetie."

Big hugs. I could feel his heart pounding.

"Were you a little afraid to tell me the truth?"

I was expecting a simple "Yeah", but out gushed: "YES. I was. It was so confusing. My heart (pointing to his chest) was telling me to be honest, but my head (pointing to his right temple) was telling me 'Trouble!' I just didn't know what to do!"

Oh, did I have to fight back the tears to respond to him! I was almost choking on my tears of pride.

"Yeah, it can be confusing. I know how that feels, I've felt that way before too. It's a yucky feeling, huh? Do you feel better now that you told me the truth?"

"Yeah."

"Try to remember how yucky it felt to lie to me the next time you're confused, okay? Maybe it will help you to remember that it's always best to tell the truth."

"Okay."

"Do you know what you did tonight, Benjamin? Do you know what you did when you were brave and told me the truth? When you did the right thing even though it might have gotten you in big trouble?"

"What?"

"You did what a man does. This shows me that you're growing into a very good man, and I'm so proud of you."

(A quiet nod from Ben)

"And do you know what else it shows me?"

"What?"

"It shows me that Jesus is talking to you, and that you're listening. It's not always easy to do, but it's so very important. He loves you very much, and He will never lead you down the wrong path."


"Yeah! I hear him talking to me in a little voice all the time!"

Oh my...now I was REALLY fighting the tears and was covered in goose-bumps.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that Jesus is proud of you tonight too."

"Yeah", with a proud smile and a big hug.

*******************************************************

Oh Lord, thank you. Thank you for this little boy who is already showing the heart of a man. Not any man. Your man. Thank you for saving him, and for being so near to him each day. I pray you'll continue to guide his steps. And keep his ears open, Lord. Keep them open so that he can always hear your voice. I pray you'll protect his future. Do great things with this boy, Lord. He loves you so much already. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Parenting Like The Ultimate Father

This week's topic is, in a word, Parenting. How have your Christian beliefs affected your parenting? Or, if you don't have children, talk about God as "Father" in your life. I'll just jump right in...

Every now and then a friend says something that really sticks with me and makes me see the world differently. I had one of those moments recently. She said, "I'm not raising children, I'm raising adults."

Isn't that a great way to think of it? Sometimes I get so caught up in the daily struggle that is children and all of their crazy, messy, unpredictable ways, that I forget to keep my eye on the end goal. The end goal is adults. God loving, God fearing, Men and Women. Wow. That's a huge responsibility!

With that goal in mind, I've been thinking a lot lately about how God parents us and how his ways can be applied to my human parent-child relationship. In fact, hubby and I took a class about 4 years ago called "Parenting Is A Ministry". I can't remember all that we discussed (should have taken better notes!), but there are a few points that we implemented and that changed our relationship with our children (or very, very young adults!).

1. God makes his "rules" very clear. There's no guesswork. In fact, he wrote everything on paper (and stone) for us.
2. God is faithful...otherwise known as very predictable and consistent. When he says he'll do something, it gets done.
3. God is loving. He takes joy in us. He shelters us. He comforts us. Even in his discipline, he is loving above all.
4. God is the boss. He gets to make the rules, and he gets to choose the manner of discipline.
5. God treats us with respect. Sure, he makes rules and he disciplines. But he lets us make our choices (and live with the results). He respects us as individuals and does not force himself or his love on us. He doesn't come into our lives until we invite him in.

So how can we apply these same principles as parents?

1. In our family, we took #1 very literally. We wrote our family rules on paper, discussed and explained each rule to the kids...and we also wrote the appropriate disciplines for each rule should it be broken. I think this step was so important for our kids and for us. As parents, we have a game plan ALL of the time. The kids know what's expected of them, and they know what the outcome will be should they choose to break a rule. It's amazingly peaceful to have all of this literally written down.

2. We do our very best to be ultra consistent. Again, it brings peace to our children (and us) for them to know what's expected. If we're not consistent, then they have to live under a cloud of uncertainty and fear.

3. The reason for all this rule making and discipline is our love for our children. We're trying to "raise our children in the way they should go". We do lots of talking and explaining and discussing to help our kids know how to make good choices. And when we do have to discipline, we stick to the plan (from #1) and we do lots of hugs and kisses after their discipline. And by the way, we're not all rules and discipline around here! The VAST majority of our time is spent just enjoying each other as a family and doing fun and silly stuff :)

4. Daddy is the boss around here. We've tried to make it clear through example and discussion that Mommy and Daddy are partners...a team...but that Daddy is ultimately the "boss". We also let the kids know that the Lord is Daddy's "boss". The kids get a kick out of that :)

5. We make it a point to treat our children with respect. What does this look like in practical terms? We give them privacy when they want it, we say "please" and "thank you" all of the time, and we express our appreciation of them and their good choices (not just as a "positive discipline" tactic, but as a genuine show of respect). When hubby or I mess up, we apologize to the offended party and ask for forgiveness. And we give them choices. Sometimes they don't like the choices presented to them...but they get to choose none the less :) We truly love and respect our children as unique individuals, and try to treat them in a way that shows it.

We're not perfect parents, by any stretch. As I indicated, we mess up...plenty! But at the end of the day, I hope even our moments of weakness will teach our children valuable lessons. I hope they learn what it means to be a responsible, loving, compassionate child of our Almighty God. After all, that's what we're trying to teach them to be...not good kids, but great adults.

How about you? How has God helped you to be a better parent?

Seek The Lord Sunday Participants

1. Home with Amy 2. Andrea\'s Life

3. Everyday Becky 4. Kimberly

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The Importance Of A Girl's Daddy

My hubby took Clara to our church's Father Daughter dinner last Friday. We got her all spiffed up in a pretty dress. She looked forward to her special Daddy date for days!

She was especially proud of the pretty twist we put in her hair:



My girls love each other so much...something I'm very thankful for. They call each other "sissy", and are always looking out for one another (when they're not bickering, that is :) ).


Hubby surprised Clara with a wrist corsage. She'd never seen one before, and has no idea what he's doing in this picture:

Now she's starting to understand:)

I loved the look on her face as he put the flower on her wrist for her. She felt so precious and spoiled...just as every little girl should feel from time to time.


I always hoped that he would make a good Daddy, but I had no idea just how incredible he would be. They had a wonderful date, and Clara felt like a princess for the night.


Daddy's are so important in a little girl's life. There is so much that she learns from him...

Daddy is the first man to love her unconditionally.
Daddy is the first man to make her feel safe.
Daddy is the first man to make her feel cherished.
Daddy is the first man to tell her that she is beautiful.
Daddy is the one who will show her how a wife is to be loved.
Daddy is the one to whom she will compare all other men in her life.
Daddy is the disciplinarian who must be firm and loving at the same time.
Daddy's love can make her feel powerful and special. A lack of Daddy's love can make her feel helpless and without worth.
Daddy is who she will think of when she first hears God referred to as "Father".


I am so thankful that my daughters have such an incredible Daddy!


P.S. To my own Daddy...being born as your girl is one of my life's greatest blessings. I love you!

Only 6 Years Old, And Already Moving Out & Getting Married

My heart is on the verge of breaking right in two.

Just yesterday, my firstborn son was a nursing babe of 7 months old. He was smiling a toothy grin. He was giggling. He was scooting along the floor, and chasing down cheerios on his high chair tray.

And in just one more month, he's gone. At least it feels like it. He'll be starting first grade...he'll be spending more time with his friends and teachers than he will at home with me. His Mama.

It's just a short leap of 11 years until he's gone. A young man. Leaving my house, never to live under my roof again.

How long 'till he stops calling me "Mommy", I wonder?

Just yesterday, the neighbor kids were over at our house playing. One of them said, "I can't wait for next month! School starts! First grade...we'll be in school ALL DAY!!"

I about dropped to the floor in shock and horror! The look on Ben's face told me that he wasn't all that excited either..."But I'm gonna miss you, Mommy", he said in a sad voice.

We went shopping for lunch boxes the other night. He burst into tears at the frustration and stress of having to choose between a hard plastic, or an insulated soft box? Hulk or Spidey? Batman or Panda?

It might have been frustration. It might have been that he was tired. Or maybe he was still thinking "I'm going to miss you, Mommy". I almost cried too because all I could think about was the fact that he won't come bounding off the bus at lunch time. So we sat on the floor at Walmart, and looked at each other over a pile of lunchboxes with tears in our eyes.

What can I do? What can I do to make sure he has peace and joy and fulfillment in life? True love? A passion for following the Lord in all he does? I want my little boy to be my sweet little Ben forever. But he's growing up so fast! He's tall. He's handsome. He's considerate and good. I love him with all I am.

Oh, Lord. Watch over my Benjamin. And while you're at it, would you try to patch up my proud, yet tattered, heart?

Best Parenting Tip Ever!

Today is Wednesday. I usually participate in Works For Me Wednesday over at Rocks In My Dryer, but not this week.

As you probably know, we're in Wisconsin. Hopefully, we're sitting by the water on a sweltering day, sipping lemonade and dipping our toes in the lake. Maybe catching a fish or two. Not really missing the computer at all (okay, maybe a little). And hopefully we're not watching flood waters rise or a tornado coming our way. It can go either way in the great state of Wisconsin!

Even though I'm not participating in WFMW, I thought today would be a good day to tell you about the BEST parenting advice I ever got. It's as simple as this :

Some time before you need your kids to shift gears (i.e. stop playing and pick up, turn off the TV, say goodbye to their friend, get ready for bed, etc.) say "Hey kids, we're going to XYZ in five minutes, okay?" And then make sure they heard you by asking them to look you in the eyes and respond "Okay, Mommy."

The kids file it away in the back of their brains that the clock's ticking, and that they're going to do something different soon. That way, when you say "Okay! Time to XYZ!", they are MUCH less likely to have a meltdown than if you just spring it on them and expect them to cooperate immediately.

It's to the point now, where all we have to do in our house is say "Five minutes!", or get their attention and hold up five fingers (comes in handy when they're across the room or at the very top of the play land tunnel at McDonald's).

Give it a try...it works for me! (And it worked ON me too - this advice was from my parents) :)

P.S. It doesn't have to be precisely 5 minutes from the time you want to shift gears. It can be one minute...it can be 30 minutes. And BTW, this tip works on 2 year olds and 6 year olds alike (and probably older, I just don't have experience there yet)

And Who Says Being A Mom Isn't Exciting?

Happy Friday, everyone! I'm not sure why this story came to my mind recently, but I thought I'd share it with you...

This happened before I was blogging, or you can be sure I would have told it right away! It's one of those "I can't believe that just happened" kind of things.

Thomas was about 2 months old, so it was November last year. I took the kids to the health department for their flu vaccinations because I wanted to do the "flu mist" instead of the shot, and our doc's office only did the shot. Normally, taking four children ages 2 months, 2 years, 4 years, and 5 years old would definitely be something I'd do WITH my hubby. I don't remember why he couldn't be there that day...and I have no idea what I was thinking doing it by myself.

Sometimes I like to think of myself as Super Mom. "Hey, these are my children, there's no reason I can't take care of them all by my Super Mom self!" These episodes of extreme confidence and nerve are usually quickly followed by me throwing myself on my bed and crying until my eyes puff up for the next two days. Anyhoo...

So we were all in the waiting room, patiently waiting our turn. They had a fun little play center there for the kids, and Thomas was being his sleepy little 2 month old self. Life was easy. It was easy for 5 minutes at least. And then Sammy got that look on her face. You know the look...the look that is evidence that I will be changing an unpleasant diaper sometime in the very near future.

I wanted my few moments of peace to last a bit longer, so I looked away and pretended that I didn't see THE FACE. Maybe if I could just ignore her, we could get out of here and home before I actually had to change her. Or maybe it would just go away...maybe it was a false alarm? Hey, a mom can hope.

But "the face" moment was soon followed by my oldest child using his favorite word, "Oh, VOMITROTIOUS. Mo-ooom...you have to change Sammy NOW!"

I wasn't about to leave my kids in the waiting room while I changed a diaper, so I dragged myself and all 4 kids into the bathroom with me. Luckily, the bathroom was roughly the size of a postage stamp, so we fit just fine.

I started to dig through the diaper bag for the necessary stuff...changing pad, check...wipes, check...diaper...diaper...diaper...please Lord, a size 6 diaper...no that's a size 2...diaper...diaper?! DIAPER?! No diaper for Sammy. Only about 15 size two diapers.

Okay, this calls for some creativity. The poor child stunk to high heaven, so she had to be changed. It could not wait until we got home. My plan was to take of the diaper, shake off the smelly lump in her diaper, clean her and the diaper to the best of my ability, and then strap the diaper back on her until we got home and I could do it properly.

So I got her up on the changing table, got the pants off, got the diaper off...and uh-oh. There's no lump. There will be no shaking this gooey mess into the toilet and getting on with life. The diaper was a total loss, and oh so smelly.

It was really helpful when Ben, discovering the amazing echo resulting in screeching "VOMITROTIOUS!" at the top of his lungs, decided to do so repeatedly. My ears still ring.

Got Ben quieted down.
Got the offensive diaper sealed in a garbage bag and thrown away.
Decided to squeeze Sammy's size 6 hiney into a size 2 diaper.... squeeze.... squirm... grunt... groan...sweat...whimper. It's no use. Ain't gonna happen.

WHAT am I going to do?! I certainly wasn't going to let her go without a diaper. She hadn't even begun potty training, and after the diaper I just threw out - there was no way I was going to risk one of those without a diaper in place!

And...have I told you that I have a degree in engineering? I'm pretty sure that my superior problem solving and design skills were all meant for that very moment in time. Never mind the high tech world...it's all about the poopy diapers.

So, I looked at my sweet and ever-helpful Clara (then 4), and said, "Clara, sweetie, let me have your undies."

"My undies?"

"Yes, your undies."

"But why?"

"I need them for Sammy."

"But...no! They're my princess undies!"

"Clara, I really need them."

"But what about me? What will I wear?"

"You'll wear your pants. With no undies."

"I will?!?"

By this time, Ben was giggling hysterically in the background.

"Ben, would you like to donate your undies here?"

Instant...and I mean INSTANT silence from the boy.

So Clara, bless her little heart, took off her precious princess undies and handed them over. I put them on Sammy, stuffed a size 2 diaper in there like a giant, ill fitting maxi pad...and we were off!

We got out of the bathroom in just enough time for them to call our name, and no one was wise to what was going on... My Sammy with a maxi pad, and my Clara going commando.

When we finally got back to the office for the immunizations, the nurse was concerned that they'd never had the Flu Mist version before, especially with Sammy being so young. She wanted to give her, and maybe Clara too the shot instead of the Flu Mist.

"All we'll have to do is pull their pants down a bit, and poke them in the thigh."

"Um, no. We will be doing the Flu Mist. There will be no pulling down of pants and no shots. Really...I think it's in everyone's best interest."

I was ready to fight to the death. Ben had started giggling into his hand again...but a swift look out of the corner of my eye let him know that his life was on the line, and he quieted again.

Everyone got the Flu Mist that day.

We finally got home, got Samantha into a proper diaper, got Clara a clean pair of undies...and Super Mom had a good laugh...and then a cry...and then another laugh.

Next time Daddy's coming with us. Maybe he can donate HIS undies...

Parenting Dilemma Part 2

Some of you may have already read about yesterday's parenting dilemma. What do you think? What would you have done? I promised to write about how I handled it, so here's the end of the story...

Several hours passed after our last conversation where Clara said that she didn't want to tell me the truth because she was afraid of getting into trouble. I was waiting for Clara to initiate a conversation with me, but it turns out that "Mommy, I made a mistake when I lied to you, would you forgive me? I did hit my sister, and I'm sorry"....just a little too much to expect from a 5 year old who feels like she got away with her "crime". So I started the conversation back up again.

"Clara, are you ready to tell me the truth yet?"

"No. I don't want to get into trouble."

"OK. Well, I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm going to give you this one last opportunity to tell me the truth. Now...did you hit Samantha earlier?"

"No" (said with all the tell-tale signs of someone who is not telling the truth)

"Clara, I heard you hit her. I heard you arguing, I heard the sound of hitting, then I heard you run away, and I heard Samantha start to cry. I know that you hit her and that you just lied to me."

Clara started crying because she knew she'd had it.

"Now you'll have to have the discipline for both hitting your sister AND for lying to Mommy. What do you think would have happened if you had told me the truth?"

"I would have only been in trouble for hitting?"

"That's right."

So I followed through with the discipline for lying and for hitting. Clara wasn't happy...discipline is always tough to swallow even when you know you've messed up. But the best part...after all that discussing and disciplining and crying...we had a really great talk.

"Clara, how did you feel inside when you were lying to me? Did it feel fun and good, or did it feel yucky and a little scary?"

"Yucky."

"It felt yucky for me too because it made me feel so sad. Do you know why it's important to always tell me the truth?"

"No. I don't like getting into trouble."

"It's important because you always telling me the truth is one of the things I count on to keep you safe. It's also important because God tells us that we shouldn't lie to each other. Another important reason is that when people love each other, one of the ways we show our love is to treat each other with honesty and respect. It hurt me when you lied. It hurt a lot."

"Sorry Mommy."

"Now, tell me the truth Clara. Did you hit your sister?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what? I love you very much. I'll always love you even when you make bad choices and when you lie to me. It makes me feel good that you told me the truth just now and that you said 'sorry'. Do you feel better inside now that you told me the truth?"

"Yes."

"And, hey, do you know what else?"

"What?"

"I forgive you. I forgive you just like Jesus forgives us when we tell him the truth and say 'sorry'. He loves you no matter what too."

(Big sighs and hugs)

"Do you want to talk about this any more?"

"No."

"Me either. Let's be all done and go make dinner."

"OK!"

And then it was just...done.

And of course, as always, I think I learned more from this than she even did. I experienced the role of forgiver, and it was really interesting to be on that end for once!

So what did I learn about forgiveness?

- First, I learned how very crucial repentance is. Every now and then when I don't feel like owning up to something with God, I think "Hey, he knows my heart. He knows that I regret what I did. He knows I learned my lesson and won't do it again." But that is not the same as repentance. Clara felt "yucky" about lying too...but it was very hurtful to me that she wouldn't come and talk with me about it and make it right! It wasn't until I heard her admit the truth and she apologized that I felt our relationship could be truly restored. Eye opening! It takes a certain amount of humility and effort to really repent...talk to God, admit my mistake, and apologize...but that effort and humility are very important.

- Second, once we were done talking about it, it was simply OVER. I don't feel the desire to keep reminding her of the incident. And I don't want her to keep bringing it up either. Sometimes I feel the need to continually ask for forgiveness, or to continually tell God how awful I feel. But if Clara did this? I think I'd respond with something like, "Haven't we been through this already? It's over! Let's move on!" I think I'll try to do a little movin' on myself.

- Third, I gained a little insight in to the idea of God's faithfulness. What if God was less faithful? Sometimes I wish he was less faithful, to be honest! I don't like being disciplined. Sometimes I'd rather he just say "Aww, well I'll let it slide this time." But what if I had done that with Clara? She would have missed out on learning an important lesson about honesty. She would have been left with that yucky feeling in her heart indefinitely. And she wouldn't know what to expect from me in the future. God's faithfulness...his consistency to always do what he says he'll do...what peace there is in that! Even when it means short term suffering in the form of discipline, it's so much better than not knowing what to expect from him. What a scary way to live that would be.

- And Fourth, I learned just how important it is for me to remain faithful...consistent...dependable. For all the reasons that I'm thankful that God is faithful, those are the reasons that I want to offer that peace of mind to my loved ones.

Nothing like a light hearted, no-brainer post for a Friday afternoon, eh?!

**********************************************************************
"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you." Acts 13:38

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deuternonomy 7:9

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

"Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you." Deuteronomy 8:5

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty." Job 5:17

Sin, Forgiveness, and a Parenting Dilemma

What a little goof-ball! This is Clara last summer. She wore these swim

goggles EVERYWHERE we went for a good month!

Well, I've been struggling all day with what to write about today. It's amazing how a subject just seems to fall out of the sky on days like this. Or in this case...fall right out of the mouth of a 5 year old little girl.


I was upstairs putting laundry away, and Clara and Samantha were bickering. Clara wanted to play with Sammy's doll house, but Samantha didn't want to share. Normally I would encourage sharing and see if I could help them make peace. But today I felt like it might be good for Clara to get a dose of her own medicine. Samantha had been asking so patiently and sweetly all morning if she could play with one of Clara's dolls...and Clara consistently snatched the doll away and said "No!" So I let them bicker, and reminded Clara that sometimes other people treat us just the way we treat them.


I didn't see it happen, but I heard a "thump" and then I heard Clara scurrying away upstairs to the playroom while Sammy cried. She told me "Clara hit my back!" with big tears rolling down her rosy little cheeks.


I called Clara downstairs and asked her, "Did you hit your sister?"

"No" (with averted eyes, fidgeting of hands, and shuffling of feet)
"Are you telling me the truth?"
"Yes"
"Please, Clara. Tell me the truth. Did you hit your sister?"
"No"
"So why is Samantha crying and saying that you hit her? Is she lying?"
"Yes" (oh my, this hole is getting deep)
"OK. Well Clara, I want you to know that it makes me feel very hurt and sad when you lie to me."


Clara feels like she dodged a bullet. I don't know what to do! I set about making the kids lunch while I thought and prayed about it. I keep thinking about how God handles it when his children sin against him. Hmmm, I still don't know what to do.


After lunch, I sat down and talked with Clara again.


"Clara, are you ready to tell me the truth yet?"
"No. I don't want to."
"Why?"
"I don't want to get into trouble."
"Sometimes it's important to tell the truth even if it makes you get in a little bit of trouble. It's important because it's not right between you and me with a big ugly lie between us. Do you understand?"
"Yes. But I don't want to, Mommy."
"Alright, but when you're ready to tell me the truth, you come talk with me, OK?"
"OK"


Hours went by! I was getting more and more upset, while Clara was getting on with life...playing, watching cartoons, coloring...all normal stuff. She didn't seem to care or feel even a little guilty, which made me feel even worse about the whole thing.


I keep thinking - how does God handle this situation?


In many cases, God simply leaves us to deal with the natural consequences of our sin. Natural consequences are severe enough! Eventually we call out to him for help, and he graciously welcomes us back with open arms and forgiveness as soon as we admit that we've messed up.


But how can I apply this to Clara? It seems that the natural consequence of her lie is of benefit to her...she gets away with hitting. That doesn't exactly work! I don't want her to learn that lying benefits her.


The Bible also teaches us that God sometimes gets so fed up with a people that are so sinful and unrepentant that he simply wipes them away (the Flood, Sodom, etc.). He gives them ample opportunity to repent (confess and turn away from sin), but they are just too happy in their ways to humble themselves before God. Seems harsh from my perspective, but hey...he's God and I'm not.


Can I apply this method to Clara (in a non-flood, turning to stone, sending to Hades kind of way)?

I don't know...


I'm going to stop here. I'll post tonight or tomorrow to let you know what I did and how it turned out (I'm still not sure if I handled it right). But first, I want to hear from you on how you would handle this situation...