He Gets an A+ In "Mommy Guilt 101"

Oh, my sweet boy has my heart all a jumble of pride and sadness and guilt tonight. Let me explain...

Hubby is out of town on business. I hate it when he has to be away. The kids hate it. And Hubby hates it. But hey, it's a job with relatively good security, benefits, and flexibility. I'm thankful, I really am.

But have I said this yet?...I hate it when he has to travel.

I miss my best friend. I miss under the covers toe warmer. I miss my kid's Daddy. Everything is less fun and more work without him. All of that and cold toes to boot. (sigh)

So why the pity party? Because I'm leading up to something here...

Ben has been such a joy the past couple of days. He's just been helpful and cheerful and sweet. He's my kid who, when he thinks I might be feeling sad, tells me silly jokes. After a few jokes, he'll say, "Are you feeling happy now, Mommy?"

Well, tonight as I was tucking the kids into bed Ben said, "Oh, I miss Daddy."
"Me too, buddy."
"Have you noticed Mommy? I've been trying to be really good while he's away."
"You have been extra nice haven't you?"
"Yeah! And sometimes when you ask me to do yucky stuff that I'd normally say 'no' to...lately, I've just been doing it!"
"Oh? Like what do you mean?"
"You know, Mommy...like throwing away that gross diaper when you asked me to."
"Oh, okay."
"I've been trying really hard to make it easy for you while Daddy's away. I'm the man of the house when he's not here, you know."
"I know, sweetie. And you've done a great job. You've been taking really great care of us."
"Yeah....(big sigh, as if the weight of the world is getting a bit heavy)...I sure miss Daddy."

Oh, my little man! I feel so proud of him for trying to step up and help when Daddy's gone. But is he too burdened? Have I done or said something that makes him feel responsible for my feelings? I'm the parent here...I'm the one who's supposed to make it easier on him!

I think I've said this, oh, about 94 times before...I sure hope I'm not screwing these kids up for good!

Movies, Movies, Movies!

Well, technically, it should probably be "movie, movie, picture" :)

Grandma has been quite demanding lately...she wants more grandkids around here! Here you go, Yaya & Papa. We miss you.

This first video was taken because I was getting such a kick out of watching Thomas eating. He adores the tomatoes from our garden...you can tell by the way he's trying to lick his tray! Turns out, Sammy and Clara got in on the action too. "Camera shy" will never be a title any of my kids hold :)

This next video is of Thomas crawling around and playing. He's so much fun these days :)

And this last shot is one of Thomas getting out of the bath...just last night!

Boy Meets Dog

This one's for you, Mom! I can't imagine a better video to put up for your viewing pleasure than one with a dog AND your grandson :)

Missing My Boy

This is Ben's first full day of school without my participation. I haven't seen the little guy since 8 this morning. I miss him.

There Goes My Heart...

...Driving down the road in a big yellow school bus! Today was the first day of school for my "big kids". It was a flurry of excitement and nerves and joy and a bit of fear. But it was good.

We had a wonderful time getting all gussied up for the big day. Clara with her new haircut, and Ben with his beloved new "tie shoes" :) Here, I'll let you look at some pictures while I go wipe my eyes and blow my nose...




Headed out to wait for the bus, which (thankfully) stops right in front our our house.


Here are the kindergartners. Did I mention that when I brought Clara in for her checkup last week the doctor estimated her at 120% in height and weight? She's a beauty...


I'm so very thankful that my kids have such wonderful friends. It gives me amazing peace to know that they're not alone out there in the big world. Without me. Their Mommy. The one who gave birth to them and has cared for them every day of their little lives. Who loves them more than anyone else in the world does, has, or ever will.



Oh! The bus is here! I meant to get a shot of Ben getting on too, but he was too quick for me. Look at my baby girl on that big bus!



My little ones were pretty interested in all the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the bus. And when it actually pulled up in all it's loud, diesel spewing glory and they watched their big brother and sister climb on? Well, it must have been a sight to behold for them!

Don't get any ideas, little ones. You're stuck with me for a while longer. Maybe I'll even home-school you. Or...not.



Yes, I am that mommy. That mommy who actually climbed ON the bus with the kids so I could get pictures. I figure I'd better do it now before the kids are too embarrassed by me. They're still hugging and kissing me in public...I'm hoping it lasts through this school year at least.

But the little love note I snuck in Ben's lunch box along with a surprise cookie? Hubby tells me that'll probably get my little Ben a beating from his buddies. I hope not...

(By the way, this is Ben waving...not him flipping me the bird!)

After we got them on the bus, we piled in the car and hustled on over to the school so we could be there to help them find their classes and get settled in. Here they are coming off the bus at school:

We got them all settled into their classrooms (Ben actually has a desk...a DESK!), and then we were off. Ben wanted me to stay for the whole day (awww, he loves me), but I knew I had to leave so he could spread his wings a little bit.

That, and the teacher was dragging me out of the classroom while I screamed "BEENNNN! I LOOOVE YOU! BE STRONG FOR MOMMY! BE A BIG BOY! I'LL MIIISSS YOU!"

Not really, but wouldn't that be funny? In sort of a sick, overbearing, my mom is a lunatic kind of way?

Oh boy, I sure hope I don't mess my kids up for good.


And here's my little Clara in her class. Oh, that girl. She's spunky and feisty and wild and she drives me absolutely nuts. But boy oh boy, do I ever love her.



So here I am...suddenly down to two kiddos at home with me (for half the day anyway). Hubby mentioned that maybe we should find a part time pre-preschool for little Sammy so she's not so bored without her sister and brother. Not a chance though. I'm not giving away this time with her for nothin'!

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that their pre-school years go by too quickly as it is. Before I know it, we'll be doing college graduations and weddings. But that won't be so bad, since then it will be time for them to move into that nice house across the street from us.

Right?...

So Much To Do, So Little Summer...

We're doing our best around here to soak up as much summer as we can in these last few days. School starts on Monday (sniff!). There's a lot to do yet! Like swing games to play...



Little girl secrets to tell...



Bars to monkey around on...



And new tricks to learn...



And I suppose I shouldn't forget: frogs to scare so badly that they pee all over the place...


He probably saw my Clara coming at him with this big stick. If I saw a giant Clara approaching with a big stick, I'd probably pee too! Here he is, checking out his "gift" (much to Clara's delighted squeals)...

He seems to approve. Mostly though, I'll bet he's trying to figure out if he can somehow hide under the stick. (Note: No frogs were harmed during the production of this summertime event. He was deposited safely in the long grass by the shed where 2 year olds with sticks and bored dogs could not find him.)


There's stuff to do inside too. Like play video games (I console myself with the fact that he at least has to be standing and moving to play this one)...



And eat snacks while charming Mama with a killer dimpled smile...


And when Mama pokes her head out from behind the camera and shouts "BOO!", there is lots of tray banging, giggling, and kicking of legs to do...


I thought I'd better grab this shot of summertime grass with a bit of morning dew on it...something to stare at when all that's outside is dead grass, brown trees, and snow (don't worry, I'm sure I'll still find great stuff to take photos of).

Awww, summer...sweet summer. Must you go so soon?

They're Baaaack!

I was at the mall yesterday, doing some school shopping for my two older kids. We were getting worn out, but still having a good time. We ate at the food court (Panda Express always makes my day), we had found some great clothes, and we were looking forward to finishing out trip with an ice cream cone on our way out.

But then suddenly and without warning, I was whisked away. I was taken back, back, back...to a place far far away. It was the 1980's!

I had an amazing perm, so my hair was gloriously huge. I made sure it stayed that way by carrying a hair pic and some Aqua Net with me everywhere. Wham! Was telling us to wake 'em up before they went, went. I had pictures of Kirk Cameron and Menudo on my closet door...right next to the poems about love and loss that I had clipped out of Teen Magazine. My heart was broken every 2.5 seconds by that one guy who looked like Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

And I was a walking fashion statement. Aside from the most excellent spiral perm mentioned above, I had the makeup thing down. The blue mascara....the purple eyeshadow...the glitter lip gloss. Top it all off with a knock-off perfume from the drug store, and I was set. And the clothes! Oh, the clothes. Stretch pants, leg warmers, long shirts, and big belts wrapped around my waist (over the shirt, and at just the right angle). And of course, no outfit was complete without a nice long strand of beads tied in a knot . I was IT, man! So rad!

And then, just as suddenly as I was whisked away, I was back. I was back at the mall, staring at the reason for my time warp...it was a pair of these:

I stood there and pointed and gasped and laughed and looked around for anyone that might be seeing what I was seeing: Stirrup Pants! I can't believe it!! There will likely come a time when I'm buying these for my girls. Oh, and I was so hopeful that my fashion sins would not be revisited upon my daughters.

Please, Lord. Please. The stretch pants...maybe I can live with them. But the blue eyeshadow? Please spare my girls the horror. Better yet, could you maybe come back some time before junior high? Dating? Driving?

I need to go lie down...

Heard Recently...

"Mom, for some reason I keep thinking about the time that Sammy wore my undies. That was weird, huh? I don't want anyone to know about that, okay?"

Uh-oh.

My friend Becky recently wrote a post about respecting her kids' privacy on her blog. What do you think?

Goodbye Baby Goodies...

I sold my baby gear today. The bumbo seat. The wipe warmer. The swing. Oh my.

As I sat in the second hand store, watching them sort and test and poke at my precious baby gear, I was in a fog. A fog of memories...shopping for all this stuff with such joy and anticipation. Opening the wonderful packages at my baby showers. The way my babies looked all bundled up and sleeping in the swing. The sound of the wipe warmer clicking shut after a midnight diaper change. The feel of my babies against my body as I carried them in the front carrier...I always loved how their impossibly soft fuzzy heads were at just the right height that I could simply put my head down, close my eyes, and breathe in their sweet baby smell.

Seventy-five bucks. For my used baby stuff. For my baby memories.

Oh, I know, I know. I wasn't selling my baby memories. But have you ever noticed how a particular fabric pattern, or a particular sound or smell can bring up incredible memories? I hated to part with the stuff. Sure, a certain corner of our bedroom is now cleared out. But I'll never have another baby again? How can that be? How is it that I will never again tuck my sleeping babe into that sweet little blue and white flowered bassinet?

"Did they buy it, Mom?" was the inquiry of my two oldest kids. The money from the sale funded their school supply shopping.

"Yup. We're done here."

"Yay! Let's go! I want a 'Hello Kitty' backpack, okay?"

"And I want a 'Hulk" one!"

"And I want glue sticks, not the gooey white kind. Sticks, okay, Mom?"

"Do you think we'll be able to get a treat after shopping?"

Yeah, they're done with this baby stuff. I guess they're ready to move on. Wait for me, kiddos. Wait for me.

I Don't Know What's Growing Faster Around Here...

...The zucchini (look at this thing!):



...Or the babies. My Thomas is going to be a year old NEXT MONTH! I seriously...truly, and honestly...can NOT believe it. I don't know if I want to laugh along with his giggles, or cry at the rate he's growing up. Although hubby is planning a getaway for the two of us to some strange, sandy, sunny place for after I wean my last baby...I guess I'll stick to giggles ;)


We went to a local park the other day. Thomas and Sammy adore the swings...would have stayed on them all night if we'd have let them. Clara likes to help with the little ones, and Ben...he's outa there! He went straight to the monkey bars and got himself a giant blister on his palm. It seems like just yesterday that I was pushing my baby Benjamin in these very swings.



My sweet and spunky Clara Rose spent the night away from us last night for the first time. She stayed at her cousin's house. They live about 40 minutes from us...out on the "ranch". It's not really a ranch, but they do have goats, sheep, and dogs. And most importantly, Clara's favorite cousin...and a POOL.

I half expected to be driving out to get her at midnight, but she was quite the trooper. In fact, I just got off the phone with her and she was begging to stay the rest of the day and another night! I don't know what kind of brainwashing is going on over there, but I don't like it. Not one bit!

Yesterday was quite the day. I think the upcoming STLS "Satan" topic is making life difficult for me. Not to sound too dramatic, but I think that this is what spiritual war feels like. Yesterday I felt physically heavy...waves of fear coming over me at times that literally made me nauseous...tears and frustration for no apparent reason. I wasn't ready for it! But I've been working on putting on my armor this morning.

Bottom line? Satan is real. He's at work. And one of his favorite tricks is to make us believe that he's a fairytale. If we ignore him, we can't very well fight against him, now can we? Let's do some study, folks. Let's learn about him, let's seek the Lord about him, and let's shine some light on the SOB. He's the Prince of Darkness for a reason...he does his best work from the shadows.

I hope you'll join me this weekend to write about what you've learned about Satan, so we can all be educated and encouraged.

Well...I wasn't planning on writing about that today! Can you tell what's been on my mind? :)

To finish up, the grandparents are due for a baby video. Here you go...enjoy!

When In Doubt...

...Put pictures up for the Grandparents! I've been decidedly uninspired to blog lately. Don't know why.

But I thought you might like to see an update on my little Thomas. He's BUSY. He's into everything. He's driving me slightly bonkers, but mostly, it's fun to watch him explore and learn and grow. He's so strong!

These are pictures from yesterday. He sat on the floor in front of the piano for the longest time, just looking at it. I could almost see what he was thinking...could almost see when he realized, "Hey, that's the noisy thing Mommy lets me bang on when I sit on her lap! I gotta get me some of that!"





I love this one...how he has to get up on his toes :)



And then he plopped down on the floor, looked over at me, gave me a killer "Did you SEE that?!" smile, and did it again and again.


He's also into noses lately. Always grabbing, squeezing, poking...and even once, tried to latch on to my nose. I was laughing hysterically and had Thomas drool dripping down my face by the time it was over...no pictures of that though. Sorry, you'll just have to take my word for it.

Oh, and I've lost 15 pounds, gained two bra cup sizes overnight, and suddenly look like a super-model. Again...sorry, you'll just have to take my word on that one ;)

Hubby, I Worked Up The Courage...

I just have to share something that's been making me giggle all morning. When I told hubby that I was trying to work up the courage to tell you all about it, he just said, "Yeah, good luck with that!" He knows that this isn't typically the kind of info I'd share.

Are there any male readers out there? If so, you might want to click away this morning. This is decidedly a "girl stuff" type of post. Sorry...I'll try to put up some very manly photos of babies and flowers for you later ;)

Hubby and I have a date with our two oldest kids tomorrow. We're taking them to the water park, and it's something we've been eagerly anticipating for weeks. We have Grandma coming over to watch the little ones so it can be just the big kids and us. We want to do all the big rides with them, and just focus on our school kids before shipping them off for the school year. Sounds great, right?

Well, wouldn't you know...ahem...my, uh, "monthly visitor" made an appearance this past weekend. (I warned you, guys) It's stressing me out, because going to the water park in this state isn't really at the top of my "fun and leisurely things to do" list. I mentioned to hubby that maybe we could push our big day out a couple of days?? We decided to just wait and see.

I guess it's been on his mind, because last night before bed, hubby came up to me and said,

"Well, I sure hope things go alright...with you...and your girly parts...so we can go to the water park on Tuesday."

Good grief. My "girly parts"?!?! I almost wet my pants laughing so hard!

"Hey, don't ever call me insensitive" was his response to my hysterics and snorts and tears.

Not a chance, my sensitive man. Not a chance.

My Clara...

"Mommy, what are these?"
"Those are little chocolate candies."
"There aren't very many."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, the box is so small."
"Oh, well, the candies are small too."
(long pause as she considers)
"I see. The candies are small, so you can eat as many as you want!"

That's my girl.

Mountain Top Birthday Party

A couple of weeks ago, my sister called and told us that Trevor (who was turning 4) had chosen to go camping for his birthday party. Would we be there?

My first reaction was something like, "Well, I don't know, I'll have to talk with hubby." But on the inside, it went more like "CAMPING?!? Are you insane? I can barely take these kids to the bank and back without losing my mind! HA! NO WAY!"

The more hubby and I talked about it though, the more I thought...why not? So I got busy planning and packing. Not that all my planning did me much good this go 'round. I forgot some pretty basic stuff. Like enough water for us to drink! And sunscreen. And jackets for the kids...I remembered mine though, and I was toasty warm, thank-you-very-much. I'm such a great mom.

We had lots of fun. It was a good weekend adventure. A dirty, tiring, buggy, puky adventure, but an adventure all the same. I don't mean to make it sound like we didn't have fun...we did. It was tons of fun. But Clara got car sick on the way up, and on the way down the mountain. And tell me this...how can one night camping result in 17 loads of laundry? It's a mystery.

The most terrible thing that happened on this trip? I had just set out to take some great pictures of God's creation...when my camera battery died. THE HORROR! I won't let that happen again.

I got some great shots before that happened though. Here goes...

My little family setting up the tent:



This camp chair has a little section in the middle that is designed to be a cooler. But it was a perfect fit for my little Thomas' backside! He spent quite a bit of time in "his chair" :)



Here's my youngest sister, Megan. She came all the way from Wisconsin for this weekend. What a great aunt!

While Trevor was taking a nap, we set up camp to be a big birthday party. Look at all these goodies my sister brought up! She's such a neat Mom :)





Once we got the party all set up, we put our party hats on and sat around looking at each other while we waited for the birthday boy to wake up.


Surprise, Trevor!

It was a great trip, and one that I hope turns into an annual tradition. And if it does? I'll pack some jackets and some water. And I'll charge my camera battery first. And I'll buy a camper with a shower in it. And a microwave. And a bathroom. And a big bed. And maybe the kids will get to come too...

The Importance Of A Girl's Daddy

My hubby took Clara to our church's Father Daughter dinner last Friday. We got her all spiffed up in a pretty dress. She looked forward to her special Daddy date for days!

She was especially proud of the pretty twist we put in her hair:



My girls love each other so much...something I'm very thankful for. They call each other "sissy", and are always looking out for one another (when they're not bickering, that is :) ).


Hubby surprised Clara with a wrist corsage. She'd never seen one before, and has no idea what he's doing in this picture:

Now she's starting to understand:)

I loved the look on her face as he put the flower on her wrist for her. She felt so precious and spoiled...just as every little girl should feel from time to time.


I always hoped that he would make a good Daddy, but I had no idea just how incredible he would be. They had a wonderful date, and Clara felt like a princess for the night.


Daddy's are so important in a little girl's life. There is so much that she learns from him...

Daddy is the first man to love her unconditionally.
Daddy is the first man to make her feel safe.
Daddy is the first man to make her feel cherished.
Daddy is the first man to tell her that she is beautiful.
Daddy is the one who will show her how a wife is to be loved.
Daddy is the one to whom she will compare all other men in her life.
Daddy is the disciplinarian who must be firm and loving at the same time.
Daddy's love can make her feel powerful and special. A lack of Daddy's love can make her feel helpless and without worth.
Daddy is who she will think of when she first hears God referred to as "Father".


I am so thankful that my daughters have such an incredible Daddy!


P.S. To my own Daddy...being born as your girl is one of my life's greatest blessings. I love you!

DANCE TIME!!!

I've mentioned before that we do lots of singing and dancing around here. Every time one of my kids hears music playing on the TV, they jump up and yell, "Mommy! Dance time!". I drop what I'm doing, and go dance with them. We like it loud. I grab the remote, crank up the volume, and we boogy around the living room. It's great fun :)

Well, today was no exception. Only it wasn't music on TV, it was on the computer. Clara found this great music on Playhouse Disney...click HERE and then click on "Do Your Own Dance" if you'd like to give it a listen. Consider yourself warned though...this song will be stuck in your brain for days!

To my point...

Thomas LOVES this song! When it gets going, that kid starts kicking and flailing his arms so violently that I can hardly hold him!

Sammy has lots of fun with it too. I love her pretty little dance and how she tries to sing along. Here are some clips:

Only 6 Years Old, And Already Moving Out & Getting Married

My heart is on the verge of breaking right in two.

Just yesterday, my firstborn son was a nursing babe of 7 months old. He was smiling a toothy grin. He was giggling. He was scooting along the floor, and chasing down cheerios on his high chair tray.

And in just one more month, he's gone. At least it feels like it. He'll be starting first grade...he'll be spending more time with his friends and teachers than he will at home with me. His Mama.

It's just a short leap of 11 years until he's gone. A young man. Leaving my house, never to live under my roof again.

How long 'till he stops calling me "Mommy", I wonder?

Just yesterday, the neighbor kids were over at our house playing. One of them said, "I can't wait for next month! School starts! First grade...we'll be in school ALL DAY!!"

I about dropped to the floor in shock and horror! The look on Ben's face told me that he wasn't all that excited either..."But I'm gonna miss you, Mommy", he said in a sad voice.

We went shopping for lunch boxes the other night. He burst into tears at the frustration and stress of having to choose between a hard plastic, or an insulated soft box? Hulk or Spidey? Batman or Panda?

It might have been frustration. It might have been that he was tired. Or maybe he was still thinking "I'm going to miss you, Mommy". I almost cried too because all I could think about was the fact that he won't come bounding off the bus at lunch time. So we sat on the floor at Walmart, and looked at each other over a pile of lunchboxes with tears in our eyes.

What can I do? What can I do to make sure he has peace and joy and fulfillment in life? True love? A passion for following the Lord in all he does? I want my little boy to be my sweet little Ben forever. But he's growing up so fast! He's tall. He's handsome. He's considerate and good. I love him with all I am.

Oh, Lord. Watch over my Benjamin. And while you're at it, would you try to patch up my proud, yet tattered, heart?

Wordless Wednesday: Summertime Sillies

Head on over HERE for more Wordless Wednesday fun. Thanks for dropping by :)

Sweet Abundance

Our garden is starting to produce goodies for us! This is what I harvested this morning...a handful of raspberries, some sweet peas, a lone carrot, a small red onion, and two zucchini.

I came in and put it on a plate. The kids had the great idea to share with a neighbor, which worked out great since I had been thinking about a particular neighbor as I picked berries.

She met us at the door with a surprised look on her face. We don't really know her all that well...it was probably pretty strange to open the door and see an un-showered me, my two older kids (only one with shoes on), and Sammy in the stroller (and still in her jammies). Thomas was napping, so we dashed over and back quickly.

I hope it started her day nicely (instead of weirdly). I hope she put the plate of goodies on her kitchen counter and let it bring a smile to her face each time she looked at it...and each time she probably wondered why a crazy lady would give her one carrot and such a small onion! I hope she felt a bit loved and cherished today.

Funny how it's almost always nicer to give than receive. Today, I'm thankful for God's abundance in my life, so I can give often.


Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

...For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required... Luke 12:48