Am I Willing?

Hey Bloggy Friends...have you read Kelli's story yet? (she's a guest writer at Rocks In My Dryer today).

You can also go straight to Kelli's blog if you'd like more info about her (I can't figure out how to get this button to link to her, sorry).

I'm feeling a bit...haunted.



I'd read Kelli's story months ago. I was so touched by this young mom who was facing a life threatening illness, that I called the donor number and requested an info packet to get signed up to be evaluated as a potential donor.

I got the packet in the mail. I filled out the papers. I got really REALLY scared about the whole idea. I filed the papers away. I pretended I never got them.

That little voice? It's been urging me to get those papers out and finish them up for some time now. I've been doing my best to ignore that voice. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish that little voice would leave me alone!

And then Kelli showed up at Rocks In My Dryer today. Ugh.

I went over to her site, hoping to read a post saying that they'd found her a donor. No luck.

Those dang papers.

So I dug them out of my file, finished filling them out, and sealed them all up in an envelope and sent them off. It's done. I've signed up to be a living kidney donor for Kelli Bauch.

Part of me thinks, "Hey, since the Lord seems to be prompting me to do this, maybe I'm her match! Wouldn't that be awesome?!"

But part of me thinks selfish and frightened thoughts like, "Oh no, what if I'm a match! I don't want to have surgery. What if something happens to me and I can't be a mom and wife like I want to? What if I die and leave my family without me? What if one of my own family members needs a kidney some day and I won't have one to give? What if, what if, what if...."

Obviously, I don't know what the outcome will be. But this experience of just filling out the paperwork has been eye-opening for me. How giving, how loving, how self-sacrificing am I...really? It's so easy to "talk the talk"...until it comes time to actually sign on the dotted line.

If nothing else, this has been an exercise in trusting the Lord. I might be a match for his beloved daughter, Kelli. One daughter helping another. Who am I to stand in the way of that plan? And if that's his plan? Well, then he'll probably see me through it, won't he?

And if it's his plan, but I die during surgery or from complications after? Well, my days are numbered anyway. What better way to go than to lay down my life for a friend?

Yeah, the whole thing makes my stomach turn a little too.

But here I am, at least in my heart and mind, willing. Willing to at least see what the Lord has in mind. And if what's on his mind is having me donate a kidney? Well, I trust that he'll give me enough grace and courage to deal with that...

They Just Don't Come Sweeter Than This...

Remember when I told you about my friend Becky having her baby? The Lord made a masterpiece in this little one...

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
Psalm 139:14

Bloggy Blessings...

I just wanted to tell you what an amazing and surprising moment I had this morning. I went over to visit my bloggy buddy Amy at her blog, My Tudor House, just now.

Typically, when a blog has music playing when I open it, it's an automatic thing for me...I navigate away. I don't like to be blasted by someone else's music. But this morning? Different story. Amy's most recent post is asking us, "what has God been reminding you of?" My answer? God reminded me of the importance of worship.

I haven't been to church in a while because I'm always having to work in the nursery to keep Thomas happy. Worship was always my most favorite part - a real time of connecting with the Lord. I've been missing it terribly, and didn't even realize it.

So today, when I clicked over to Amy's blog I was surprised. Surprised by how powerfully her message hit me, and even more surprised by how the music she has playing touched my heart. I just closed my eyes, sang along to the music, and had a little church right here in my office!

Go over and see Amy today...take a look around at her delightful blog...and enjoy the music.

Thanks, Amy, for the blessing :)

A Miracle Was Born Today!

Becky had a healthy baby boy today. Praise God! She asked me to do a guest post at her blog so that all her readers could see the baby. Head on over there for a baby fix!

On Being Real...

Oh, I just hate it when I know there's something I'm supposed to be praying and thinking about, but I don't want to do it because it hurts too much. Ever feel that way? You can pretty much always tell when there's something up with me because I start posting about nothing but pretty flowers and yummy recipes. I blog, but I don't say a whole lot. I'm not real. So here's me being real...

My best friend is expecting a baby TOMORROW. She and her family have been through an incredible amount of loss when it comes to growing their family. Adoptions that have fallen through after they've come to love the children. Babies that never made it home. I won't go into detail here...it's not really my story to share anyway.

My kids went to her house mid morning yesterday to see if her girls could play. No one was home. They kept trying, but there was never an answer at the door. Finally, around 2:00, I realized that she had an appointment with her doctor that day. A cold wave of fear and dread washed over me, and I instantly panicked and started crying. It was unlike her to have a doctor's visit and not call to tell me that all was well. I immediately assumed that something had gone wrong, and that she was at the hospital. Or worse.

I began praying my heart out. I begged. I pleaded. I demanded. I cried. I got mad, "Oh no you don't! You can't let this happen to them again!" And all of this in the first, oh, 5 minutes that I realized that something was wrong. The cycle of pleading and praying and crying continued for the next hour.

I called her. No one home, so I left a message. A desperate, tearful, "Please call me and tell me that everything is alright" message.

I didn't know what else to do but wait. I grabbed my cell phone and headed out the door to do my errands as planned.

Mercy upon mercies...as I pulled out of my driveway, I saw her car in a friend's drive. I was so relieved I could almost not draw a breath. I drove down the block, got out of the car, and went to give her a hug. She was beaming and excited. Everything had gone well at her appointment...which was at 1:00 (instead of a morning appointment as I thought).

After getting a good look at her and putting my mind and heart at ease, I got back into my car.

Shame washed over me. Why? Why do I fear so much? I know that my life (and my friend's life and baby) are in God's capable hands. But why can't I fully trust Him and His plan? I always think I'm trusting Him...but then, in a flash, I think the sky is falling and all I do is fret and cry and beg and blame and get angry. Why can't I rest in the knowledge that He's taking care of me in the good and the bad times?

I feel so weak. So hypocritical. I write and write on this blog about how big, awesome, perfect, and loving our God is...and then I sit here and stew in my fear. This is not what God wants for me! He wants me to trust Him. He wants me to rest in Him. He wants peace for me. So why is it so hard for me to let go and let Him give me that rest and peace?

I don't have the answer.

And you know what else? Part of me doesn't want to trust Him too much because then I'm afraid that my trust...my faith...will be tested. Testing is painful. Testing means loss. I don't want to be tested! But then again, I fear not trusting Him too, because then...I don't know...am I going to be punished for not trusting? It's a vicious circle.

I'm sure that part of it is Satan. Heck, I just wrote a lengthy post about what a great deceiver he is! He's probably got this weak spot of mine figured out. He's the one who whispers fear and dread into my heart as I lay my babies in their beds at night and pray that we'll have another day tomorrow. He's the one who suggests so cleverly that I deserve to be punished and that these blessings are too got to last.

So what should I do? Putting on my armor, praying, reading the Word is part of it. But I think there's more.

As I type, I'm reminded of Psalm 23. You know the part where it says, "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil"?

Notice that is says "I will fear no evil". It does not say, "I have no reason to fear." It does not say, "God will make it so I don't fear." It does not say, "I hope I do not fear."

I. will. not. fear.

It's a choice. I must choose to not fear. I have to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ...to the obedience of who He is and who I am in Him. I have to make a deliberate choice to not fear.

Sure, it makes sense. I know it's true. But I have no idea how to do it.

So tonight I'm going to pray. I'm going to ask forgiveness for not trusting Him more. I'm going to pray that my friend, her baby, and every other good and perfect gift in my life will be safe. I'm going to pray that I can...with all my heart and soul...offer those good and perfect things up to God and just put them in His hands. No matter what. No matter the loss. And I'll try to trust that there will be enough of God's grace to cover me if the worst should happen.

If you think of it, would you pray for me too?

Okay, now I've been real. Back to recipes and flowers...

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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Not An Ugly One In The Bunch!

A month or two ago, these guys (first picture) had a great party with some of my most favorit-est-est-est people in the whole wide world. Spending time with this particular group of people makes me think of how I imagine Heaven will be some day. We all love the Lord. We all love each other. They don't even roll their eyes at me when I stick my camera lens in their face again :) Now THAT just might be the definition of good friends!

And they all have kids that are just amazingly beautiful! It's probably they joy in them...every one of these kids are cherished, and I think they know it. Every kid should be so lucky.

I finally had a chance in the past couple of days to play around with the photos I took. Sorry gang...I didn't get every child as was my goal. Some of your little munchkins just would NOT keep their eyes open for me. It probably had something to do with a minor photographic error...of having everyone practically staring into the sun. Lesson learned.

I had a ball playing around in Lightroom...different cropping, different presets. My carpal tunnel is acting up again I've had so much fun! Here are some of my favorites:

P.S. To all of you who responded to my last post with encouraging words...THANK YOU so much...from the bottom of my insecure and frightened little heart ;)

She Said What? When?!?!

I hosted a baby shower for my dear friend, Becky, this past weekend. If anyone deserves a fun celebration of pregnancy and all things baby, it's her. You'll have to go see her blog to read her story of love and loss and trust and faith.

She's expecting a son...a SON(!)...in just a couple of weeks. Isn't she a beautiful pregnant woman?

Normally, I'd throw an absolute tizzy over trying to plan a party. And okay, I admit, I did do some tizzy-ing a couple of days before the party. But then I started praying and just thinking about Becky and how much I love her and how much I wanted to do something special for her. When I stopped focusing so much on me...my house...my food...my fears...It became a lot more fun to plan!

I was going to use my china for the party, but didn't have enough to go around (don't have a setting for 16!). But I did have plenty to use it just for coffee. It was so fun digging it out of the hutch. I just love the delicate look, feel, and sound of nice china.

Remember this project I told you about? We did it at this party. She got some really cute shirts :)

I think Becky thought I was being a little stand-offish the week before the party. Because I was! I was busy trying to make this quilt for her:

It's a rag quilt made of all flannel material...very cozy!

I had fun with these flowers. They're just simple carnations...but I thought they looked so pretty in these little canning jars tied with "It's a boy!" ribbon.

AND THE BEST PART OF THE ENTIRE PARTY?

Oh man, were we ever splitting a rib!

While Becky opened her gifts, I had a friend writing down what Becky said (think "Oh, I love this!" and "Oh, WOW! Thank you!!" and "Look, it's so soft and cute!"). Becky, of course, had no idea what what going on.

And then before we moved on to decorating t-shirts, I stood and said something like,

"There's an old wives tale that says that the expressions an expectant mom utters while she opens her shower gifts are the same expressions that she exclaimed while the baby was being conceived! Becky, would you please read this list?"

Like I said...very (VERY) funny! I gave her a disk with the video...go see her blog to see if she posted it yet :) Tell her I sent ya!

Our Little Blog Ring Isn't So Little Anymore!

I just wanted to extend a very warm welcome to all of you who have signed up to be a part of the Christian Moms Blog Ring. I'm so excited to see how our little community is growing!

If you're looking for some really neat women to meet, go visit some of the members. Just click on the button with the tulips on it (my left side bar), and it will bring you to a list of blogs. And if you'd like to join, click the same button and you can join from there too.

P.S. If you sign up, please come back here and drop me a comment so that I know to go "approve" you & get your blog listed...a irritating little detail that I keep forgetting about ;) Thanks!

It Didn't Hurt To Have Such Beautiful Subjects Either

I just thought I'd take a moment to show you my latest Adobe Lightroom Miracle. My kids and I were invited to our friend's 5th birthday party this past weekend. I brought my camera with me, hoping to get a few good shots to play with. I admit that I panicked a bit when I realized that I was the only one taking pictures...but I think I got some good ones for them.

I was especially happy with this shot...it's just so sweet. Here it is SOOC:

But LOOK!! Look what I was able to do while playing around in Lightroom!

See? Told ya...miracle!

OK, well, I'm off to try and get a paper route or lawn mowing gig or something...gotta come up with $300 to buy Lightroom when my free trial ends in less than two weeks. Wish me luck!

Don't You Just Love It...

...when a blogger is honest and transparent? Know what I mean? It seems that in this world of blogging, we are all putting on our best face and our pretty pictures...and sometimes we don't show the real us. It's great to document the really special and pretty times in our lives, but I think it's also really important to be straight up about the garbage.

We're a community. We're sisters in the Lord. We are called to love and encourage one another...how can we do that if we're not being honest?

I say all of this because I just came from a visit to Big Mama. She's being beautifully honest today...I encourage you to go pay her a visit.

A Great Craft: Homemade Pillowcase

I just had to show you pictures of my latest craft project!

My mom makes homemade pillowcases for my kids, and they just LOVE them. She uses really cozy flannel material, and she customizes it with their names. Their "Grandma pillows" are such a special thing for them.

I decided to give it a try. I didn't want to make them for my own kids though, since it's my mom's special thing to make for them. So I made one for my friend's daughter. It was so much fun to make! And Karissa really loves it (so I'm told).

The hardest part was choosing fabrics. I really lucked out with the puppy fabric...she's a fanatic about puppies! But it didn't seem like a very "pretty" pattern, so I prettied it up with the flowered fabric for the hem. I'm happy with how it turned out.

Isn't it cute?! :)
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To go to my most recent post, click HERE

For more of my WFMW posts and "quick tips", click HERE

Or, of course, you can always head back to Rocks In My Dryer for more of today's WFMW

My Friend, Becky

Hi to all 10 of my loyal readers! ;)

I wanted to let you know that my dear friend, Becky, has started a new blog. It's called "Every Day Becky". Becky has been keeping a blog about their adoption from Liberia for some time now...but I'm thrilled to see her start one that covers, well, every day kind of stuff.

Becky is a faithful woman of God. She's a wife. She's a mom. She's ...Becky ...fun, smart, goofy, serious...just plain beautiful inside and out. Drop by her new blog (make sure to say "hi" in a comment!). I'm sure you'll love her as much as I do.

Baby Love

My neighbor friend and her baby girl came over for a visit last week. Her little one is only about a month younger than my Thomas.

Remember when these two little sweet-peas met for the first time?

We decided to try it again...put them on the floor next to each other. It was an adorable jumble of arms, legs, drool, and giggles. Aren't they sweet?

Hey, I think there's someone down here with me...

Sure enough, there she is. Hey, what do you think you're doing? Rolling my way? But I wanted to do the rolling!

Here, you put your arm there, and maybe if I put mine here...

OK, I think we're getting this figured out. Why won't these legs go where I want them to go?

You have a soft, fuzzy head too!

Hey there, pretty girl!

Come to this patch of carpet often?

I think we could be friends...you're pretty cute!

The Nicene Creed...What I Believe

I've been spending a lot of time talking with God lately. I've also been spending some time talking with a friend of mine who I love and respect and admire...and who has vastly differing religious beliefs than I do.

All this talking has really been forcing me get clear about what I believe. It's been forcing me consider someone else's beliefs...could they be true? Am I wrong? Have I made a mistake? Lord, is there something that You are trying to tell me???

Thank God for the Bible...that's all I can say right now. Every time I'm in doubt, I start reading and praying and suddenly it's all clear again.

I was recently reminded of "The Nicene Creed". I remember saying it weekly in mass as a child, but I couldn't remember the whole thing. I also dug around a bit for the history of this creed. I found this. This thing has been around in one form or another since before 400 AD! That makes it over 1,600 years old...wow! It feels special to me to have a common thread running through my faith...uniting me with my brothers and sisters in Christ for over 1600 years.

I also found this. I found it interesting to better define "one holy catholic and apostolic Church". Notice that it's catholic...with a lower case "c". Not "C" as in the Roman Catholic Church. The word 'catholic' means 'universal'.

Anyway, here's the Nicene Creed for you:

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. Through him all things were made. For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven:by the power of the Holy Spirit he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate, he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. Amen.

To My Commenters:

Hey all you wonderful readers who actually leave comments! I just wanted to do a post just for you because I've been positively awful about responding to comments lately.

I want you to know that when I see a comment in my Inbox...oh...my little heart! It just makes my day! Please, please, please keep them coming! I read every single solitary one, and I love them!

Can you forgive me for not responding more faithfully?

So this one is for you...you know who you are (Misty, Marisa, Becky, Jen, Aunt B, Mom, Dad, Liz...and others!) I'm so thankful for you. Your comments make me feel like I'm actually doing something besides neglecting my family to blog! I promise to make it more of a conversation from now on...you know, a TWO WAY conversation ;)

Stay tuned...I have a give-away in mind. I'll put something together this coming week.

Oooo, I'm so mysterious!

Little Buddies

We had a friend over to visit the other day, and she brought her little girl who is just a few weeks younger than Thomas. Isn't she a beauty? I see some heartache in my little guy's future...

Everything was going well when we put them down on the floor together - at least for a moment. They even seem to be enjoying each other's company.

But then this happened:
HA! The look on Thomas' face cracks me up! Is that a deer in the headlights look, or what?! He looked at me with that look that seems to say, "WHAT is this? She's crying! What do I do? I don't like this one bit." I guess maybe the male reaction to female tears isn't learned at all...it's there from birth!