I woke up this morning feeling so strange.
I just keep thinking, "God sees me. He knows me. He knows the number of breaths I have left in this lifetime. He's got me!" Those prayer warriors friends of mine? They're doing a good job!
No matter what happens to me, God is still on His throne. And I am His beloved and cherished daughter. Joy!!
My Sammy turns 8 next week - so hard to believe. Today was her "Fabulous Friday" - an early birthday celebration for just the two of us. We painted ceramics, browsed the bookstore, windows-shopped at the mall, had frozen yogurt treats, ate giant burgers for lunch (with HUGE rootbeer floats!), and even had her ears pierced!
Although it's not entirely fun, this aneurysm is a good wakeup call. The leaves feel more crisp. The coffee is more comforting. The hugs linger a bit longer. The friends and family are more dear. I do a better job of looking and listening and HEARING my kids as they tell their stories and share their hearts....because, really. What if today is my last day?
We really can't ever know if this is our last day, can we? It's a wise thing to live like it is.
I also decided to tell my business partners today. Partly for practical reasons - there will be a time when I'm out of commission for a bit (and really, with social media being what it is, I didn't want them to hear from someone else). But mostly because they're my friends. I care about them and their success with such passion....I just wanted them to know that I hold them dear, that I'm fighting, that I think I'll be just fine, that I really just want them super focused on what they're trying to do, and that I covet their prayers. I have amazing people in my life. So blessed.
The other big decision I made today was to transfer my thoughts from my private journal to this blog. To live this thing out loud. Why?
1. Aneurysms are more common than you might think. They can be devastating, but they are also detectable and treatable! I want to be a voice for the prevention of this disease.
2. I want to document this journey for my children. Unfortunately, this is a genetic thing for my family. If one of my kids has to face this for themselves in the future, I want this to be a resource for them....maybe even a source of comfort.
3. This blog is my story. It doesn't seem right to omit such a big piece of my experience.
4. I've spent this day with a tangible feeling of being cared for and protected by God. I simply can't keep Him to myself. If there's any part of my story that people remember, I hope it's the thread of love and hope that's been woven throughout my life. I hope it's Jesus. God willing, even this scary time in my life will be used for good and for God's glory.
That's how I feel today, anyway. Tomorrow I might be back to sobbing uncontrollably and fearing for my very life. Promise to hold me up?