>> Friday, February 10, 2012 – Faith
I've been feeling a million miles away from Home lately, with no clear direction for getting back. That centered feeling of being solidly in Him.... precarious. Peace....just out of my reach. Joy in the little things.... gone missing.
"Prone to wander" (you know that old hymn)....indeed.
All of this, in the midst of "success". Crazy!
So I sat today with Pandora playing worship music, and my Bible open to the book of Hebrews. I couldn't read. I couldn't focus.
So, that's what I did.
And the Truth washed over me. The tears came. I had no words or even any clear thoughts....but to be with Him....brought me to my knees. Brought me Home. Finally.
I'm prone to wander, yes. But He lets me wander. Why? Maybe to help me see my true heart without Him. It's shocking. I so easily jump into the ways of the world. And suddenly, I feel like a different person. The hostility boils to the surface. The greed. The selfishness. The fear. Profanity comes shockingly easily. Not only out of my mouth, but in my thoughts. In my very heart. Aggressiveness and callousness. Is this the real me?
In the desert, while I wander....yes. This is the real me. My true heart of sin is revealed, and it's not pretty. There is nothing good or loving or patient or kind about it.
And in the mean time, people call me for my advice (!). They want to know how I do it. They ask me to lead training sessions so I can lead others to where I am. They think I'm wise and witty and good. Little do they know!
Let me proclaim from the rooftops:
Anything good or successful or worth learning from....it's Jesus.
You're seeing Him reflected in me, and I have very little to do with it!
Me? I, like Paul, am chief among sinners. If there is any good to be found in me? Anything to be admired or loved or coveted? You can have it. You can have it all. You only must call on His Holy Name.
I hope you will, because Home is an extraordinarily beautiful place to be.