Call Her Blessed: April 2011

Whose life is this?

Can I even talk about this on the world-wide-web, or is it too sacred? Too private?

I don't know.

A week ago today we were concerned about a loved one....enough that we decided to pack a little over-night bag for her and have her stay with us for a couple of days.

A couple of days turned into a couple more days.
Then a week.
And now, as Clara put it this morning, "for the rest of her life, maybe?"

For the rest of her life.

Oxygen tanks, piles of laundry folded with love, "hats" that need checking and rinsing, tube drainage, confusion, pain, medication schedules, talks of the here and now....and of eternity.

Visits from family from afar, notarized plans and documents, treatment vs. comfort.

So much to think about. So much that my brain seems to have stopped, and is stuck in the moment called "right NOW". How can you help? I have no idea. I don't even know what I'll be doing in 5 minutes....never mind what I'd like your help with tomorrow.

This woman, those strong hands, that soft hair, that confused look, the smiling eyes when I take her hand. All of our history seems to have melted away. What matters more than right now? Nothing, that's what. Well, except for the choices that effect eternity....so I let the tears come, swallow my fear and hesitation, pray for wisdom and the right words and I tell stories about the One named Jesus who turned my life into something beautiful. I trust in the power of the words coming out of my mouth to cut through the confusion and touch her soul where it needs to be touched.

Please Lord, open that heart, draw her to you. I can't save her, but you can. Do whatever it takes to save her. I'll give anything. Do anything.

I know why we're told to pray for one another. I can feel myself being held up by it's power. I'm either in shock, going slowly insane, or this is that "peace beyond understanding"....Not only am I fine, I'm wonderful. Joyful. Peaceful. Strong and solid. It's the very power of the Holy Spirit here with me. Or, yeah, I could be going slightly crazy :-)

I'm still alive - promise! Wow, I've been a terribly unfaithful blogger lately! Some days I feel like I'm too busy living life to take a break and write about it, ya know?

I have big news. To say it, it doesn't sound nearly as overwhelmingly joyful as it feels.....just two little words. But there's no other way to put it: I'm content.

Did you hear me? I'm CONTENT.

This is a revolutionary change for me. I can't remember a time in my life that I wasn't striving for the next thing that life would bring. I was in high school, I was looking forward to college. I was single, I was looking forward to finding "him". I found "him", and I was looking forward to being married. I was married, and I was looking forward to having children. I was in college, and I was looking forward to working. I was working, and I was looking forward to quitting and being a mom. I was a mom, and I was looking forward to....well, the kids' bedtime!

Do you know what I mean? Always pressing and pushing and wishing I was somewhere I wasn't.

But now? I'm here. I'm happy. I'm full.

I'm sharing my life with my favorite person in the world.
My life is filled with the joyful chaos of my happy and healthy children.
I have friends I love.
I have this Jesus of mine who holds my hand and comforts me...encourages me everywhere I go.
I have work to do that feels like a little bit of something for *me*....but that I can do without taking away from the parts of my life that belong to my family.

I'm loving my life, and I just can't tell you how good that feels....way down deep in my soul.

Ironically, the best change in my life - the thing that's finally brought me to this miraculous place of contentment is something I've fought against my entire life: the giving up of control.

Hello world, my name is Daiquiri and I'm a control freak. (this is not news to the people who know me best)

Also in the "ironic" column, is the fact that the thing that brought me to the place where I had no choice but to loosen my iron grip on control is something I never dreamed I'd do. May it never be said that God doesn't have a sense of humor!

In short, it's my business that's changed my life so dramatically.

You know how it's said that there's never an atheist in a foxhole? It makes sense. If you're hiding in a hole in the ground while bullets whiz by your head....if you have no where to turn and no control over what's about to happen to you? Most people in that extreme situation with call out to God for help, even if they've denied His existence their entire lives.

Well, with this business, I find myself waking up every single morning in my own personal foxhole!

I wake with this big dream before me....and the realization that I am utterly without the ability to make my dream reality. So I turn to Him, offer my dream up into His hands, and say something like "If this isn't what you have for me, then change my heart's dream. If it is, then you're gonna have to guide me because I don't know what the hell I'm doing!"

I give control of my day to Him....and then spend my time trying my best to listen and to find the courage to move when He tells me to move.

At first it was terrifying, but now? Well now, I never want that control back again! Truly amazing things happen when the Spirit is given free reign in a person's life...in short, the path is made clear for miracles to happen!

Is everything in my life perfect? No way. There are lots of things in my life that I'd change right now if I could do it with a snap of my fingers. But I can't. And the One who can? Well, He's not snapping those fingers....and I trust Him. I am precisely where He wants me, and so I will rest.

That, my friends, is an amazing feeling.

So that's what's been up with me :-)

That, and a whole bunch of practical stuff like:
1. We FINALLY closed on that house we flipped! YIPPEE!! (that reminds me, I still have lots of before and after shots to get up on that blog)

2. Spring Break with the kids was awesome - the perfect combo of lounging in jammies all day and watching cartoons....and running all over town to explore the Discovery Center, Nature Center, parks, and watch movies. Our kids are at such great ages right now!

3. My sister and her family are MOVING. To CALIFORNIA. Personally, I'm crushed. We'll miss them like crazy, and I'm sorta grumpy with them for making my girls cry every night because they're already missing their cousins. But for them? I'm really excited for them and proud of them for chasing their life long dreams. They have tons of courage, and I hope they find exactly what they're after. And hey, now we have a good excuse to visit Lego Land sooner rather than later ;-)

4. One of my best friends in the whole world has written a book! She has a gorgeous new website, and I'm so happy for her!

5. Clara's hands are only one knuckle away from being the same size as mine. This is totally freaking me out.

6. I got an iPhone, and I simply don't know how I ever lived without it!

7. My first full month of business was December - I sold a little product that month and was pretty excited about it. But now? My little organization has 17 people in it, and we cover 6 states. Now I'm REALLY excited about it!

8. I'm headed to, of all places, Bozeman, Montana this weekend for my first corporate event. I'm not sure I'll sleep at all between now and Friday because I'm so stinkin' excited! I LOVE this job!

9. Thomas is talking like crazy, and I am so enjoying getting to know what's going on in his little head. By the way, he is super smart! Who knew?!

10. Clara is finally reading like a champ...took lots of slamming doors and foot stomping to finally get here, but we're here. Praise. The. Lord.

11. My sweet little Samantha is registered for kindergarten this coming fall. Oh my. Bloggy friends....count on being a shoulder for me while I mourn her leaving me every morning.

12. Thomas is signed up for preschool. That means I'll have 5 hours each week all to myself. After a solid 10 years of happily having someone under-foot at all times. Can't really let myself think about that right now.

13. Ben is signed up to play soccer starting in a couple of weeks. He's my "I hate change" kiddo, so I'm very proud of him for trying something new.

And finally, if you can believe it, the reason I decided to sit and write tonight (besides the fact that Luke is out of town right now and I'm missing the adult conversation)....I made a fun and super easy treat for the kids tonight. It was so yummy that it earned me a "you're my favorite person in the whole wide world, mommy" from Sammy :-)