Mama on my Mind

It's funny, the scripture that pops from the page and fills my soul.  It's never the one(s) I'd expect.  This is what I found was written just for me this day:

Because Your lovingkindness is better than

life, my lips will praise you.  Come and hear,

all who fear God, and I will tell of what He

has done for my soul.

Ps 63:3, 66:16

Praise...that's what He want from me today.  Not because He wants something from me.  He wants it FOR me.  He alone can see the way my very soul gets lighter as I focus on His goodness in my life.  Praise reminds me of all the amazing things He's done in me and in my life - reassures me.  Comforts me.  Calms the troubled seas of thought that pound the shores of my mind.

God is so good.

I need to keep that fact in clear focus these days.  God is good.

If He's good for no other reason (and believe me, there are LOTS of other reasons), He's good for this peace that's coursing through me right now.  Is this peace from God some sort of reassurance that everything will turn out as I want it to?  I don't know.  I hope so.  All I know for sure is right now...this moment.  And this moment, I know that God is good.  All is well.  I am under the mighty protection of His gentle wing.

And so is she.

My Mom.

She is the most beautiful person I've ever known - inside and out.
She is who I hope to grow up to be.
Kind...considerate....gentle....smart...generous.
She carried me as no one else has or could.
Fights for me.
Encourages me.
I can see beauty in myself because she saw it first and was relentless in bringing it to my attention.
When I'm happy, I call her.
When I'm sad, I call her.
She rejoices with me.
She comforts me.

She's my Mama.

And (with her gracious permission to share this information)...she has a brain aneurism.

It's not huge.  It hasn't burst.  There's a plan for fixing it.  It will be repaired soon, using a procedure that is not terribly invasive and has a track record of being very successful.  In fact, she might have had this aneurism her entire life - God only knows.  I'm thankful for all of these encouraging facts, and I believe she will be just fine.

But still.

She's my Mama.

Would you join me in praying for her, please?

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Girl Time

We had a little Fitness Celebration in town last weekend.  A few people showed up...15,000 or so, that's all!  My girls and I joined one of my sisters and her daughter for the big race.  It was fun...but we sure missed the rest of the girls in our family!

I was so proud of our girls - the older girls walked the entire 5K (just over 3 miles!).  And Sammy...I pushed her and her little legs in a stroller the whole way...but she had a fun time and managed to make it the whole way without a potty break.  Hey, that's counts as a major accomplishment, believe me!

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Sleepy Boy

This little guy is having a tough time adjusting to the no nap thing.  He just drops and sleeps wherever he is!  So why take the nap, you ask?  Because otherwise it's pure torture for us all to get the kiddo to bed anytime before 10 PM.  In the mean time, we'll just enjoy his creative sleeping abilities!

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God is so Creative!

And He's an incredible artist.

'nuff said.

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He Did It!

My oldest son, Benjamin, has been working and earning and scrimping and saving for a good six months now.  He's had his eye on his very own iPod touch.

It was a month ago when he finally counted $200 in his savings bank.  I took him and his trusty bank to the Mac Life store near our house...it was then that we learned the iPod Touch version 4 would be announced in a couple of weeks.  Instead of being merely an iPod, the version 4 would also be able to take photos and video, and might have the cool new face-to-face chat technology.

"Well, buddy, you have a choice to make.  You can either buy the version 3 like you've been planning and saving for, and you can have it right now...or you can wait another month to see if version 4 is cooler." (it hadn't been announced yet, so we didn't know for sure what the technology would be in the new version)

"I think I'll wait", he said as he tucked his bank a bit tighter up under his arm.

He was very frustrated and disappointed to not get his new toy right then, but he was even more determined.  To ease the pain a bit, I took him to A&W for cheeseburgers and root beer floats.

And then the new iPod was announced, and it had all the cool features he dreamed of (thank the Lord).

But it cost $29 more.

He had a couple of weeks to earn it before they would actually be available for purchase...so he worked his hiney off.  And then...finally...$229 in that bank.

I picked the kids up from school that day instead of waiting for the bus to drop them off, and we all made the trek to the new Apple store in the mall.

Let me say, the new store is flat out stunningly gorgeous.  It was a combination of all those pretty do-dads and the joy in my boy's face...I couldn't stop smiling and giggling as we walked into the store.  I got some strange "are you high?" looks from people as I giggled my way past them :-)

See?!  Totally giggle-worthy (photo taken from their website - contact me if you'd like me to take it down):

The folks at the store were incredible.  When I explained that we were there to purchase the iPod that Ben had been saving for for so long...a crowd of sales people gathered around to offer high-fives to Ben and to clap.  They made it so special!  In fact, the photo at the top of this post was taken by an employee who said, "Wait!  Let me take a picture of you making your purchase!"  He then emailed it to me using the phone that I'm trying hard not to covet ;-)

(I'm hoping that by not having the money to buy an iPhone or it's monthly service, I'm actually setting myself up to buy a phone with slightly better photo and video quality than is available now.  Yeah...that's it!)

As we left the store, Ben turned to me and said "Mom, our family...we're Mac people aren't we?"

Absolutely, my boy.  Absolutely.

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Smack Upside the Head

This has been a crazy week.  A crazy I-can't-believe-this-is-happening kind of week.  A **SMACK** upside the head realize-what's-really-important week.  I still feel like I'm in sort of a daze.  It feels strange to sit at this computer and type a BLOG POST during a week like this.  Really...is this blog...these words and photos...important at ALL?

I don't know.

And right now, I don't really care.

But I'm here.  I guess this is where I come to straighten out my wrinkled and disorganized thoughts...where I come to document what's going on with my kids...where I come to put in writing what my God has done in my life and heart.

Important?  I sill don't know or care.  It is what it is.

I owe some grandparents some birthday photos.  I'll try to get them up soon.

In the mean time, if you're reading this...walk away from the computer right now and go call or visit your Mom and Dad.

That's what I'm gonna do...

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Thomas is 3!

I can't believe my little monkey Thomas is 3 years old!  We had a fun party to celebrate his joyful little self, complete with monkey cake, monkey pinata, and lots of wonderful friends and family.

To my Thomas - I love you, sweet boy!  I love your energetic and joyful spirit.  I love how brave and bold you are.  I love how sweet and thoughtful and helpful you are.  I feel like after only 3 years, I can already see a glimpse of the man you will become, and I'm so proud of you for just being YOU.  

A little bit about you at 3 years old:  Some of your favorite things in the whole world right now are Curious George ("Ha Ha"), Bob the Builder ("Hey Hey"), reading books, and playing ball ("B-ball" as you put it).  You also love to help with anything and everything ("ME DO!").  You play with play-dough for hours on end, and could eat Spaghettios until you turned into one giant meat-ball.  Although, you've been slow to speak, it's clear that you understand everything around you...you even know your letters.  You're fond of grabbing a magnet letter from the fridge, and bringing the M to Mommy while saying "mmmm" or 'dddd" for Dada...or pretty much any other letter!  You're so smart!  You have boundless energy.  And I mean bound.less.  You run and jump everywhere you go.  I love to just watch you run and jump with that sparkling smile on your face.  

I love you, little boy!  I'm so thankful that God gave you to us . 

Love, Mommy

I did my best to make a yummy and fun monkey cake: 

I love to plop the kiddos down next to a window and snap some pictures of them on their birthday.  Thomas wasn't so sure at first, but he warmed up to it:

"How old are you, Thomas?"
"Feeeee!"

Those little fingers just don't want to cooperate :-)

Thomas' pinata.  I think the best part of my kids' birthday for them is going to the "party store" to pick out their pinata and balloons.  It's become quite the tradition!

There was a certain football game on TV that everyone wanted to watch (read: if we didn't play it at the party, no one would have showed up but us!).  But we're UI Vandals.  There will be NO orange and blue at our house!  We played the game, but flew our colors.

George!

He caught on quickly that it was his special day - decided to grab the opportunity to jump on the couch :-)

"Op now?" Not quite yet, buddy...

I think he knows he's loved.

No party for Thomas would be complete without playing some ball.  Since it was his party, he got to kick every other turn :-)

My sweet little guy was good enough to take a break from his game to give his Mama some love.

One of my favorite things to do for the kids' birthdays is to put a bunch of pictures from their life on an SD card, pop it into the Wii, and have it run a slideshow with the images.  Such a neat way to celebrate their life and to see how much they've grown!

We all love you, little boy!

Help from big brother reading the cards

We bought him a little balance bike -

I was so happy that you liked your cake!

Happy Birthday, my sweet Thomas!  You are loved!

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Getting Closer

...To losing my mind, that is.

 I just spent 45 minutes writing a blog post.  Then I accidently pushed the wrong series of keys, and my screen went blank.  Then this wonderful program did an auto save, and all my work was lost within about a 6 second period of time.

That lost post was titled "One of Those Days".

Indeed.

We're also getting closer to finishing the house Luke's been working on.  I think we're all ready for it to be finished.  That poor guy has been working himself into the ground lately.  A single man is not meant to hold 3 jobs...and be married to the likes of me.  I'm trying to ease his burdens as much as possible, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting a C- on that assignment.  Graded on a generous curve.  And oh, my poor kids.

I want to be a fun and easy going mommy.  My first clue that I was getting even less than a C- on THAT assignment was when Samantha asked me recently, "Mommy do you enjoy screaming, or do you just do it to scare us?"

Great.

Want to see the progress we've made on the house?  Click on over for the most recent updates:

Fouch Development Blog: 36th Street House



Okay - time for either a long run or a long cry.  Haven't decided yet.  Based on my craving for nachos right now...should probably do the run.

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I Love You...Get Away From Me

I've started and re-started this post three times now.  Don't really know where to start, but want to get this down for posterity's sake.  For the sake of my children who might find themselves in this same strange situation.  But I can not...will not...name names.  It doesn't matter anyway.

"Kiss me goodnight, Mama"

   (kiss)...smelly burp in the face from my child...

"I love you, Mama.  Snuggle me."

   (snuggle)...wiggle, squirm, elbow to the nose...

"I have a surprise for you.  Close your eyes."

   (closed)...kiss on the cheek...piercing pinch on the arm...

       why?

"I need this Mama.  Will you do it for me please?"

   Sure baby, here you go.

      "I don't like it.  Never mind."

          Never mind?   Never mind the three days I just put into doing this for you?  Making it perfect?

"I need help.  NO.  LET ME DO IT!" screaming...

   Okay, I don't know what do do. 

        Love you?

          Get away?

              Both...at the same time?

I don't know how to give you what you need, my sweet child.

You want my affection, so I give it.  What you return is insult and physical pain.

You want my trust, so I give it.  You return a little love, a little pain.

You want my help, so I give it.  What you return is screaming and frustration.

You want me to leave you alone, so I do.  You return is yet more screaming and frustration.  

Is this how God feels?  He wants to love us, wants us to love Him back.  He continually reaches out and gives us what He knows we want and need.  What we return is rebellion.  We return ingratitude.  We return bitterness.  We return pain.

A strong willed child, that's what they say.  

Just rest, my little one.  Let me love you.  Feel my arms around you and know you're safe.

    Just accept this, my sweet.  Let me do this for you.  Know that I care for you.

A constant push...pull...push...pull

    I love you....now get away from me.

       I need you....let me do it myself.

           I want you....I don't want to want you.

               Don't help me....why did you let me fail?

Am I not doing this right?  How is it that I don't know how to be what you need?  I'm so afraid...for you...for me...for us.  What will your future be if your own mother can't seem to love you 'right'?

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Sunny Summer Flower

I LOVE this sunflower!  My little Sammy planted these little sunflowers in her garden this year, and we've all enjoyed the joy they bring to the little plot of dirt.  I'm absolutely printing and framing this one - what a great addition to my office it will be! :-)

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Baby Girl

Sammy started preschool this morning - she'll be going in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  It'll be time for just some Mommy-Thomas time.  I almost can't even think of what it's like to have one kiddo around the house!  ONE.  O.N.E.

Ahh, my baby girl.  My soft, squishy, sensitive, snuggly one.  I'm having a really hard time letting this one go {sigh}.  

It's a good thing, I know it is.  She's bored silly at home, and she's chompin' at the bit for adventure and friends and craft projects.  It's good for her...and I suppose...good for me.  I've always said that we choose to do preschool for our kids to help them prepare and transition into kindergarten.  And it's been successful - we have yet to be the family with a terrified and crying child on the first day of kindergarten.  I'm starting to think that this easing into the transition thing is more for me than it is for them though :-)

Here she is this morning, all spiffed up in her new clothes, tote bag packed with class supplies:

I love her sweet profile:

I was having a tough time getting a genuine smile from her - she kept posing instead.  But then...her older brother came to my aid.  He jumped behind me and started making silly faces.

Then he pretended that he was a bird coming in for a landing on my head...

And THEN he was a bird POOPING on my head! (hey, whatever it takes!)

I think I'm going to offer him $10 to be my assistant for my next shoot!

This is Sammy's favorite hairstyle lately - she kept insisting (and INSISTING) that we take a picture of it:

Ahh, the feet.  I feel like there's always something so genuine about what's on a person's feet.  Here's my baby girl in her fancy school clothes, ribbons in her hair....and pink little girl flowers and hearts on her shoes.  Whew...still my baby for a little longer.

Sammy and her "Best Daddy":

Me and my little one:

This was Sammy's first day last year - look how much she's changed!

I love you, my sweet Samantha Ruth.  Thanks for picking shoes with hearts and flowers...did your Mama's heart good this morning.

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