Taking Hold of the Power of Prayer

Well, I was all set to just put blogging aside for a bit so I could focus on getting ready for our fantabulous vacation coming up.  And then God showed me something incredible that I just have to share.

A friend and I were chatting yesterday about some of our struggles and frustrations and fears, and the conversation inevitably turned to God as it always does when I'm talking with a Christian friend.  To be more specific, we talked about prayer and it's power.  At one point, we started talking about "those Name It and Claim It people" :-)  In my circles, "those" types of folks are always spoken of with a hint of curiosity, and slightly larger portion of disdain.  The general feeling is that they treat God like He's some sort of genie in a bottle who is sitting around waiting to make our dreams come true.

After we got off the phone, that conversation really stuck with me.  God was trying to show me something, I could feel it.  I searched the Word.  I prayed.  I considered many of the amazing things that God has done in my life.

And you know what?  I think I've been wrong all this time.  I've been selling God and His power in my life far short.

No, God is not a genie in a bottle waiting for just the right "type" of prayer to bless me with whatever I ask.  No, praying in a certain way will not ensure that I avoid suffering or pain.  No, praying about everything that comes to mind will not result in the precise Heavenly answer I want.

But here's the thing....who am I to edit my prayers?

All this while I've been measuring my prayers to God against what I think is "appropriate".  I don't pray for certain things because it feels "wrong".  I don't ask about certain things because who am I to know such things?  And even when I DO find the courage to pray a bit more boldly, I don't really expect great things from God...I am amazed when I get great things.  Not because God is amazing, but because He actually answered my prayer.

Why do I expect any less??

In this area of my life, I see now that I've been sucked into being falsely humble (Colossians 2:18).  The idea that I need to pre-screen my prayers before a God who already knows me inside and out is not humble...it's not "appropriate prayer".  It's pride.  Plain and simple - ugly pride...taking control in an area of my life where it is only God's place to be in control.

IT IS NOT MY PLACE to pray for less than everything that's in my heart!  To do so puts me in a position of power before the Lord.  I am instructed...ordered, even....to pray about every single thing I have going on.  When I let my prayers be hindered by a need to pray for appropriate things or in an appropriate way, I am blocking the power of God in my life.

The way I should be praying is this:  On my face in humility before Him, baring my every fear and concern and praise and joy...my every dream.  And then I leave it at His feet to do as He pleases.

I should be praying for (and expecting!) my every single dream to come true or for my dreams to be changed by a God who can change hearts.

Yes, it's a bold way to pray.  Boldness can sometimes be interpreted as arrogance, and if my boldness is based on confidence in my own power to get something done it IS arrogance.  But in this case it is just the opposite.  My boldness is based on a faith in the power of God - THAT is true humility!

So what's the point?  Why be sure that I'm praying "right"?  Well, isn't it obvious - I want to win the lottery and I want my kids to always be healthy and I want to look beautiful and lose 15 more pounds- and God can do these things for me if I just ask the right way!  Hahahah - just kidding!

I want to pray in a way that opens the door to God doing all things great and wonderful in my life and in my heart, so yes, I want His blessings.  But more importantly, I love Him.  I want Him to delight in my heart and my attitude toward him.  I don't want to hold anything back from Him.  I want my heart and my life to be laid bare before Him, and I want to rest in the knowledge that the one who is best able to be guiding and directing and blessing my life is being allowed to do so.  

(By the way - I don't want to forget that we have an enemy who is lying and cheating and stealing his way to making me miserable.  If I were him and I knew first hand the power of God and of His people's prayers?  One of the first things I'd try to do is convince God's people that there's no power in prayer and that they shouldn't be expecting great things from God.  Don't let the slimy little jerk get away with his lies.)



A small sampling of what the Bible says about prayer and God and the desires of my little heart:

Psalm 6:9 "The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer."

Psalm 66:20 "Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!"

Proverbs 15:8 "The LORD detests the sacrifice of the wicked, but the prayer of the upright pleases him."

Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

James 5:16b "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Luke 11:9 "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

1 John 5:14 "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

James 4:2b "You do not have, because you do not ask God."

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I Am So Ready For Vacation

Not the kind of vacation where Luke goes to work and I wrangle kids all summer long.  I'm talking the kind of vacation that involves a beautiful lake, s'mores, skiing, fishing, and some of my favorite people in the whole wide world.  And trees, lots and lots of trees.  I love trees.

We're headed to Wisconsin this week!  Yahooo!

Sammy wakes up every morning, comes dashing to our bedside, and says "Okay, NOW how many days until we go to Yaya & Papa's???"  The kids talk about little else besides what they want to pack for the airplane ride and how many marshmallows they'll be able to eat.  I'm doing laundry like my life depends on it, and Luke is working insane hours each day so that he can get everything wrapped up before leaving and just relax.

Speaking of packing for the plane, I can't stop thinking about it either.  We've decided that we're simply not going to pay good money to bring luggage on the plane.  So...we're going to pack everything on the plane with us as carry-ons.  {shudder}  I figure this is a good trip to try it on - we'll need little more than shorts, flip flops, and our swimming suits.  Everyone will have a roll-aboard suitcase and a backpack.  I'm simply not thinking about how this can't possibly work for a winter trip to Wisconsin.

If you see us at the airport, I suggest you steer clear.  We'll be the group with 6 people, 12 bags, and 4 extremely excited kids.  One of the kids is finally finding his words, which he enjoys screaming instead of speaking.  His favorite new word is "FLASHLIGHT", of all things.  Ha!  We're the group that you watch come down the aisle toward you on the plane.  As we pass the empty seats surrounding you, you heave a big sigh of relief and a "thank you, Lord".

If we end up sitting by you, I'm sorry.  I'm so very sorry.

Although, we do take up our very own row on the plane, so it's more like we'll be sitting near you instead of by you.  Believe me, these details matter ;-)

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Okay, Okay. I'll Wait.

This is a rooster at my sister's house.  He's bold and (ahem) cocky, and is the best watch bird I've ever seen.  He crows incessantly at us every time we show up.  Drives Luke crazy - he's always saying "that bird would be fajitas soooo fast if it were up to me".

But cool looking poultry is not what's on my mind today.  I just like the picture.

What's on my mind is waiting...waiting on the Lord's timing even when waiting is exactly what I DON"T want to do.

Figuring out what I want is half the battle with me.  But once I figure it out, I want it NOW.  I go after it.  I make it work.  I find a way and I just do it.  This has just been the way I do things - I'm a go-getter.

Based on worldly standards, this is a good trait.  It makes me strong and bold and, usually, very successful.

Based on Godly standards, it's not always a good trait.  It's good sometimes, but only because God tends to get things worked out despite my arrogance and boldness.  And I suppose it's good sometimes because when I see a need, I typically just jump in and get it done.  Action is a good thing when it's motive is love.

But I'm not talking about stopping to give a sandwich to the homeless guy or spontaneously telling someone that Jesus loves them.  I'm talking about big life stuff.  For the big life stuff, I'm working hard to wait on the Lord's will and timing.

My motivation is mostly selfish, I'll admit.  God knows best.  He's shown me time and time (and time and time) again that He loves me and knows me even better than I do.  He wants good things for me.  I can trust Him.  It makes the waiting a bit more tolerable, knowing that the result will be even better than I could have dreamed up for myself.

God has quite the imagination when it comes to showering me with blessings!

A good example of this is the amazing guy I ended up marrying.  I spent many years feeling desperately lonely.  I dated.  A lot.  I found lots and lots of duds, but I also found some wonderful men who were...well...wonderful.  Kind.  Fun.  Funny.  Handsome.  Sweet.  I even found one or two really wonderful men who adored me.  And I tried desperately to make myself feel what I knew I should be feeling for the "one", but I just couldn't.  I can think of one time in particular when I had to break up with someone who I loved dearly....just not like that...I begged God to let him be the one for me, but he just wasn't.  Boy, I cried and cried and cried...and wondered if I'd thrown something terrible away.

And then....Luke.

He's a miracle.  The way I feel about him (after 13 years of marriage and 4 babies) is nothing short of a God-thing.  See?  God had something in mind for me, and I'm so thankful that He gave me the strength and courage to wait on His perfect will and timing.

So that's what I'm trying to do now.  I know what I want.  But every time I pray about it, do you know what happens?  It drives me crazy.  The song that goes "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, as we wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord....." rings through my head.  "Wait upon the Lord" ends up cycling through my head all the darn day.  It seems my answer is clear.

And if it's not, my recent Bible reading should give me a clue.  The past two times I was feeling particularly desperate, I prayed in earnest to hear from Him.  "Talk to me Lord.  Tell me what you have for me. Help!"  And then, not knowing where to start reading, I just sort of opened the Book and read.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

and

Luke 12:31-32 "Yet seek ye his kingdom, and these things shall be added unto you.  Fear not, little flock: for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."

Both times, I hear Him whispering to my heart and soul...."I see you.  I know you.  I love you.  I'm taking care of things.  Rest in me and trust.  Just keep your eye on me and WAIT."

As if that wasn't enough, I heard my girls talking the other day.  Clara wanted Sammy to go with her to do something and Sammy replied "Just a minute please.  You must wait for a second while I finish what I'm doing here."

Oh boy....she sounded exactly like her Mama!  With all 4 kids home now, I'm constantly being interrupted.  I'm on the phone, I'm folding laundry, I'm making a meal....but they need something NOW. So they get told to "wait a second" a LOT lately.

I can't tell you how happy I was to hear Sammy saying "just a minute please" instead of "GIVE ME A BREAK!  CAN'T YOU SEE I'M DOING SOMETHING HERE?!  GIVE ME FIVE FREAKING SECONDS OF PEACE, WILL YOU?!"

I don't know where she'd get the idea to say something like that (ahem).

Their little exchange just hit me.  It was like God was giving me a nudge and saying, "See?  sometimes the kids have to wait while the parent gets some necessary work done."

OKAY....I get it.

So here I sit.  My heart and dreams in His capable hands.  Waiting...

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Father's Day Fun & Rainy Day Rose

Well, I think fun was had by all this Father's Day.  Since it was his day, Luke got to choose how we spent it.  His choice?  I don't quite get it, but he chose to set his alarm for 5:30 AM.  Me, I'm more of a sleep till 9 and wake to fresh coffee and eggs being delivered to my bedside, but not my husband.  When he has a project he cannot be stopped, and there's nothing he'd rather do than be covered in sawdust and tile grout...even if it means getting up at 5:30.  I guess I'm just happy that his plan didn't involve ME getting up at 5:30 :-)

While he fixed the planet with nothing more than his hammer, saw, and superhero ability to thrive on just 4 hours of sleep, I hustled around the house.  I cleaned, I got kids dressed, I made potato salad (that really needed a little something more, but I don't know what it was.  mustard?), wrapped a gift, and I even dragged one feverish little boy to the doctor to see if he had strep throat.  He doesn't.  Whew.

Then, the real fun began.  My sister and her family came over (her husband also has that crazy no sleep ability, and worked with Luke all morning).  They have the cutest little button of a puppy.  She's an itty bitty little pug/chihuahua mix named Molly.  She weighs about the same as the fingernail on my pinky finger and is impossibly cute. 

Around dinner time, Luke's dad and step-mom came over to join us.  I'm so blessed with a wonderful family...just love them to bits.

It was fun.  And yummy.

And I missed my Dad.  Just not right without my folks.  Don't know how to fix that that.

Sammy enjoying the festivities:

Thomas getting a batting lesson from his uncle:

Look at my little man!:

Little miss Molly (yes, her head is the size of my lens cap!):

Extra meeting Molly for the first time:

My kids giving Daddy their gifts. The big kids made him books:

Sammy and Thomas drew him pictures (Thomas was asleep on the couch during gift time):

My sweet Extra dog:

No celebration of my husband is complete without beer.  Lots and lots of beer :-)  

Here's a good tip for you - get that beer REALLY cold quickly by adding a little rock salt to the ice bucket.  There was FROST on the outside of this bin within 15 minutes!

My gift to Luke was a set of these beautiful hand crafted beer glasses - there were four - red, blue, yellow, green:

And of course, we had to have a BBQ.  Basque chorizo, Johnsonville brats, and hotdogs for the kiddos:

Happy Father's Day!

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We got some rain today too - couldn't resist this beautiful rose with drops of rain decorating it:

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You Can Tell A Lot About a Guy From Facebook

I was clicking through my husband's Facebook profile pictures today, and it struck me how well the sum total of those little thumbnail sized pictures equal....him.  I took the liberty of copying the photos and posting them here.  I started to run out of time, so I didn't copy all the photos that he's posted in his "albums" (which are filled with the kids)...just the profile pictures.  

It's fitting, you know.  Your profile picture is the picture that shows up every time you leave a note or a comment - it's supposed to say to your friends "hey there - it's me - this picture says something about me."

Indeed.

Above all, no matter what life is demanding of him, Luke is about us...his family.  

Sammy, in her monkey towel making her best monkey face (after her daddy gave her a bath):

Luke and yours truly on the west coast.  He surprised me with a weekend trip to the beach for my birthday a couple of years ago.  How did I get so lucky to get this guy?

His professional head-shot.  He really IS that kind and trustworthy (can't you see it on his face?)!  He's the hardest working man I've ever known.  He's currently working himself silly...up at 5 in the morning, and sometimes not home until 9 or 10 at night.  

There are few things Luke loves more than one of our babies with a goofy look on his/her face.  You might think of me as the photographer, but Luke walks around with a camera (in his phone) 24/7.

Oh boy.  This is us at our college graduation party.  Seriously...HOW did I end up with this amazing man?!  After all these years, he still calls me "my girl".  And after all these years, he still makes my heart do flip-flops.

All of our babies showing their Vandal pride.  Amazing...we have sons.  And daughters.  This is the most blessed bunch of kids on the planet.  These boys only must look to their daddy to see what it means to be a good and kind and gentle and strong man of God.  These girls will always expect a love that is nurturing and supportive and respectful and safe.  

It's been said that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love his children's mom.  One of the many reasons that Luke is "the best".

I love how Luke *always* makes me and our kids his top priority.  And our kids all trust him and feel safe with him.  They talk to him, share their dreams with him, and don't hesitate to simply run and jump in his arms.  When he raises a hand, they do not flinch.  When he says he'll be there, they do not doubt.  When he says "I love you" and "I'm proud of you" (which he does often), they believe him.  You can see it by the glisten in their eyes and the tall way in which they hold themselves when they're around him.

Happy Father's Day, to the most wonderful man I've ever known.  Thank you for loving me so well.  Thank you for being an incredible Daddy.  I love you like crazy.  Wanna have another baby?  Just kidding.  Maybe.

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A quick note to my own Daddy...Happy Father's Day, Dad!  You know, one of my greatest blessings is being your daughter.  See this kind and hard-working man I married?  See these happy children?  See this strong woman?  All of this is part of your legacy, Dad.  You raised me to believe that marriage is love AND respect AND commitment.  You raised an obedient and joyful kid, who's working hard to pass the same on to her children (hence, the happy kids).  And you raised me to believe that I can do anything - it simply doesn't dawn on me that there is anything I can not do!

Most importantly, you live your life as a love note to the Lord.  Seeing your walk with Him made it possible for me to know and love and trust Him...the greatest love I've ever known, and the source of my greatest peace and joy.

Thank you for just being you.  I love you!

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Before and After

I finally took some pictures tonight.  Just for the fun of it.  And you know what?  It was fun.  I was rounding up some of my kiddos for bedtime, and ended up walking through my backyard - what a sight!  The storm clouds were brewing, and just look at the picture I snapped of the back of our house:

Just look at that beautiful light!  I decided to hop out to the front yard and snap a shot of some of my roses growing there.  Here's the SOOC photo - flat and boring.  So (of course) I spent some time playing with it after the kids were in bed.

I decided to go with the "antiqued" look for this pretty little rose.  And then I played with the composition and added some pop with a texture layer.  Isn't it pretty?  I just might be getting back on the proverbial horse.  Giddyup.

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Treading Water

Oi.

I'm really struggling to get settled into summer this year!  The noise...the mess...the chaos.  I try to remind myself that these are all signs of a sweet life with little ones, but boy, I'm mostly going crazy.  I know, I know.  There will come a day in the not too distant future when I long for this chaos.  I'll look up and wonder where my life went...where my babies went.  It's happening already just a little bit - I find myself more surprised every day to look in the mirror and see someone older than I expect.

In fact, there goes my oldest baby now - riding down sidewalk on his scooter.  Otter Pop in one hand, metal lunch box containing all his little boy treasures in the other (how he can multi-task on a scooter is beyond me).  "I'll call you when I get there", he says as he heads out the door.

Where did my camera go?  My camera and my pictures used to be the little piece of *me* that I was holding on to in all this hustle and bustle.  Do you ever feel this...moms out there...like you're something MORE than "mom", "wife", "sister", "friend", "daughter"?

Some days I just want to be "Daiquiri".  Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't want to wish my life away.  I don't want to miss this beautiful place I'm in called "now" because I'm daydreaming about the day when I'll have 5 minutes pass without someone screaming "MOM!" in a way that makes me think one of their limbs might be partially detached or something.

I need a project.  A plan.  Something to work toward.  A place I'm trying to get to...instead of just treading water and trying to keep my head up for the occasional gulp of air while the waves pummel me from every direction.

I have a vision - a dream.  It involves beautiful soft light, itty bitty babies, a full frame sensor Nikon, stunning portraits wrapped in heavy frames, a flexible work schedule, and a decent paycheck.   But the doubts...they're killing me.  Are my prices too high? Too low?  Is this a pipe dream and nothing more?  Am I not good enough?  Did I hear wrong when I thought I heard a Call?

For now I guess I'll just keep on keepin' on.  Treading water.  Folding laundry.  Vacuuming.  Emptying the dishwasher.  Making tacos for dinner with strawberry milkshakes for dessert tonight.  Read some of my next Vince Flynn novel.  Go to bed.  Start over.

tread
    gulp
        gasp

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Self Analysis

(My kids adore the computer's camera...and it's about the only way I end up in photos these days!) :-)

I've spent the morning trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

In particular, I'm trying to decide where I'm supposed to go with this photography thing I've started.  Weddings?  Fine art?  Babies only?  Seniors?  Family portrait?  Traditional?  Photojournalism style?

How much time should I be putting into this business...more importantly, how much time CAN I put into it while still being a good wife and, oh yeah, mom to 4 young children.

Come to think of it, should I be doing this at ALL?

{sigh}

It's a romantic idea, this being my own boss thing.  I've always wanted to own my own business.  It's nice that there's no one telling me what to do next.  The problem?

There's no one to tell me what to do next.

I love it, yes.  I fantasize about opening an actual studio someday, yes.  I get an indescribable jolt of joy when I see my work hanging in someone's home, yes.  I dream that someday I'll be doing what I love AND making some real money.

And then I wonder...am I even good at this?  Am I doing anything unique or special?  My "tag line" since I sat down and worked out in my mind what I want my photography to be is "Fresh. Unique. Beautiful."  Am I living up to it?

I don't know.

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Coupons Are Such a Pain (But Totally Worth It!)

Well, I did it...rain and all!  I guess it's a little strange that I'm celebrating getting out of the house with my very own children, but throw in the coupon savings and it really does feel like a victory for me today :-)

I went to Walgreens and did 6 transactions and got the following items:

4 Gillette Fusion Razors
6 Dawn Dish Soaps
4 Boxes of Ziploc Bags (400 bags!)
3 Boxes of Kleenex Tissues
3 Jumbo packages of Huggies diapers
4 Little caramels for my little shopping helpers

I came home and put my receipts into my coupon savings spreadsheet (of course!), and I saved 61% off retail!  Before store deals and coupons, my total was $110.09.  I spent $42.99.  Not bad!

I have a confession to make though - I decided to stop using the free couponing blogs.  Well, I check them from time to time, but so far I haven't found anything new on them.  I was so overwhelmed trying to keep all the different deals together for the various stores - I needed a new system.  I finally found a single spot that lets me build a list for all three of my favorite stores (Alberstons, Walgreens, Rite Aid).  It's laid out clearly with easy links to any internet coupons I need, and it's all organized neatly in...you guessed it...a SPREADSHEET.

I love it.  Granted, I have to pay $20 a month for lists to my 3 stores.  But in my last two trips, I saved enough to pay for my membership for the next 12 months.  The rest of my savings is going straight into my pocket.

What is this site?  It's called The Grocery Game (www.thegrocerygame.com).   If you go over there and sign up (which I recommend if you're interested in being a great couponer with as little work as possible), please let them know that Daiquiri Fouch sent you ;-)

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A Tad Paralyzed

Well, it's official - summer vacation is here.  Last week was the last week of school for my kids, so this is the first week of trying to settle into our new summer schedule and routine.

For the most part, I'm loving it.  I despise the morning rush to get my kids up and ready for school.  It's crazy and hectic and makes me break out in a sweat for the effort.  Now?  My kiddos head down the stairs as they wake and I hear their sweet little voices talking quietly as they try to not wake me.  We're in our jammies until at least 9 or 10, and then we change into shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops.  By the end of the day yesterday the kitchen floor had drips of popsicle juice, the kids' hair was full of sand, and I was deep into a new (to me) Vince Flynn novel.  I'm looking forward to spending some good quality time with Vinnie this summer ;-)

Buuuut...I haven't had the courage to leave the house yet.  That's right.  I'm stuck.  The idea of piling everyone into the car and going OUT there...freaking me out!

And today, I have some coupon shopping to do.  Those of you who are bargain hunters like me are rolling your eyes right now.  Walgreens...5 transactions planned...4 kids....2 carts...and rain today on top of it all....talk about breaking into a sweat!

But I just put the very last diaper we own on my little guy.  Believe me, I've searched high and low for more in the hopes that I could put this shopping off until at least tonight when Luke is home.  But I have to go today.

And of course I can't buy diapers without a coupon.  And the $5 register reward I'll get if I buy the razors first.  So that's at least 2 transactions, but I have more planned to really take advantage of the deal.

I might have to break down and just swing by Costco and pay $45 for a box of diapers and be done with this fiasco.  Maybe I'll pick up a case (or 7) or Mike's Lemonade while I'm at it.

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A Warm Reception

I am crazy about this sweet couple.  Beautiful.  Fun.  Hilarious.  Wicked smart.  Watch out world!  The were married a couple of weeks ago on the east coast, where Julia and her family are from.  Mike and his family are based in Arizona.  I was so honored when they invited me down to shoot the reception they had in AZ to celebrate with the family and friends who were more west than east.  Here are a handful of my favorite shots from that beautiful day:

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Can You Guess?

How I got this shot??

Click on over to my photography blog to find out ;-)

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Set Apart

(iPhone self portrait)

Well.

If there's one thing that will reveal a person's heart, it's a night spent in Las Vegas.

Luke and I drove the eleven hours down to Vegas las Friday, got checked into our hotel, and then spent hours walking the Strip.  I enjoyed the sights - for a people watcher like me, the place is a gold mine!  And the architecture is certainly interesting.  And holy moley....the shopping.  I just had to go peek at the jewels in the windows.  I'd never seen a watch with a price tag of $65,000 until last weekend!

I wish I could say I appreciated it's beauty, but really?  It looked like...a watch.

And the beautiful shops with the mannequins draped in the latest high fashions.  Cool to see, but a little confusing to this small town girl at heart...really...THAT'S fashionable?  And here I thought clothes was supposed to be flattering...to accent the woman's natural beauty, not make her look like a walking talking freak show with more money to spend than brains.  Just sayin'.

I loved the water/lights/music show at the Bellagio (sp??), and we enjoyed a dinner tucked into a soft-cushioned booth with the delicious smell of jasmine floating across our table every time the door was opened.

Speaking of more money than brains...yours truly and her wise and frugal man paid $45 for scrambled eggs and pancakes for breakfast.  Crazy!

It was an experience that I truly enjoyed - strolling the famous Strip with my fingers laced between my man's.  With all the skin and suggestion that Luke was confronted with every 5 seconds, I felt without a doubt that he had eyes only for little old boring me.  I'm a lucky girl.

Although...

We were ready to turn in for the night, when we walked past the Ghirardelli store.  We decided that we MUST stop for an ice cream sunday topped with their famous chocolate.  We were settled into our little booth and enjoying our treat, when something caught Luke's eye.  We were sitting by a glass side door...two young women tapped on the door, pointed and smiled at my husband, and proceeded to give him his own little strip tease.

Something primal in me rose up and made me want to go punch those girls in their perky little noses.  I might have if it wouldn't have meant leaving perfectly good chocolate sitting on the table.

Luke was good enough to look away and joke about it ("I can just hear them now.  They'll wake up in the morning with a hangover and laugh about what they just did.  They'll say 'remember when I danced for that old guy in the chocolate shop?!'").  He doesn't give himself nearly enough credit.

But Vegas was more than an interesting tourist stop for me.  It was eye opening to me in more ways than the superficial ways I just told you about.  In the middle of all those people, I felt a little...lonely...different.

I'm not the first to note what the place is really about.  Someone before me called it "Sin City" for the first time, and the title stuck for a good reason.

A buzz.
Some skin.
Some money.

That's what I saw in those searching eyes.  So many young and hopeful people...searching...seeking...looking for something, and I'm not sure they even know what it is.

I felt like stopping people with that look and saying, "I have it!  I know what you're looking for!  You can have it too!"

At one point, I was stopped in my tracks.  I just had to stop and look at listen.  There was one lone corner where people stood silently and held signs that said "Jesus loves you".  The crowds of people either rolled their eyes, ignored them, or flat out pointed and snickered (the average tourist was more appreciative and approving of the section of the same block that was filled with people dressed in various character costumes so the tourists could have their photos with "Elvis" or "Marilyn" or "Darth"...like two young girls who looked to be about 15 dressed as playboy bunnies.)

All I could think was "What is wrong with me that THESE sign-holding people feel more real...more like home to me than anything else in this crazy place?  Am I some sort of freak?"

Yes.  I am.  I'm a freak.

I've had an uneasy feeling ever since.  Lonely.  Different.

It was the first time I had a chance to really see the changes that have happened in me since I asked Jesus to save me and to change me and to lead me - the first time I've really left my little safe haven that's filled with prayer and worship music and the Word.  He's done some serious work in me, and I didn't even know!

With this realization, I have a choice to make.   I can sit in this uneasy and lonely place and feel sad.  I can mourn the old me.  Or, I can rejoice for the changes in me.

I'm choosing to rejoice.

God Himself has set me apart for Himself, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.

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