Regret


I regret yesterday's post.  There's no denying that it describes how I was feeling...I just should have kept it between me and the Lord.  Sorry for dumping on you, dear internet friends.  I appreciate your words of understanding and support, and most especially, your prayers.

God is mighty and He does answer prayer.  I've had sweet and very concrete reminders of this in the past few days when I most needed to know that He's with me.  Our little family will certainly not be in the category of "having not because we asketh not" with you dear friends in our corner.  Thanks.

If we have not, it will be because God wants it that way.  This lack of control over the most important parts of my life causes me endless grumpitude.  I keep telling God how much this sucks and how I don't like the way He's doing things.  He sits there patiently and takes my ranting.  He's a better parent than I am, to be sure.

No new news to report since yesterday.  We have an appointment with the pediatric cardiologist this morning, which is a huge relief to me.  There have been no new incidences of blue lips.  At this point, I'm really thankful that I'm not the only person who saw him when he was off color.  At least three other people noticed it enough to comment, and two of them are registered nurses.  If it had just been me, I probably would have started thinking I must have imagined it.  I didn't imagine it.

I'll let you know what the cardiologist has to say.



PS.  During one of my most fearful moments recently, I turned to the Lord and asked, "Are you going to let this hammer fall on me and crush me?  Will I be destroyed?"  His response...."The hammer has already fallen.  Jesus was crushed for you.  It was a mighty blow and beyond pain you will ever know.  You will not be destroyed.  He took the blow for you."  

Through all of this - even if the worst happens - I still have much to be thankful for.

Edith  – (5/06/2010 08:44:00 AM)  

Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. Going through a time like this is extremely difficult - for anyone. God knows...He loves you. I love the ending to your post...that "the hammer has already fallen..." I know I still worry about my son as a result of an accident just before Christmas. I think it's a normal part of being a mom.

Mzzterry  – (5/06/2010 11:22:00 AM)  

It is okay to express your anger to God, he can take it. He still loves you and has already forgiven you sweet sister. Your son is in very capable hands. Just rest.

Hilary  – (5/06/2010 09:13:00 PM)  

Hearts are such amazing things. It's a miracle any of us last more than a minute.
But beyond that.
I often have to pray for God to change the situation or change me. Change my heart so that I can see what I need to see in it all.
He always answers. Not often with changing what's going on, but my heart is always softened and I see the blessings that happen because of it.
I have a cousin who had leukemia as a child, and he almost died. He and his dad had lots of talks about what heaven would be like and how happy he would be there if he died. He pulled through, but his dad died in a plane accident when he was 14. It turns out that those talks with his dad were the most important thing in his life.
{sigh}
Giving you a long distance hug.

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