We're supposed to be able to learn to say that "all is well with my soul" no matter what. Clearly, I'm not there quite yet. I am what I am...still a fearful child in the arms of a God I can't understand and still don't quite trust. And I don't know how to pretend otherwise for anyone's sake, or for the sake of talking the good Christian talk. Even if I could put on a show for you, what good what it do anyone? God knows me. For good or bad, He knows. That's all that really matters.
I'm well because the cardiologist said that Ben is well. To use her words, his exam was "pristine". She felt pulses in extremities, listened to his heart in more ways than I thought were possible, she reviewed the labs, she double checked the ultrasound.
Apparently, there are cases where a person can turn alarmingly blue for no particular reason at all. It could be a change in temperature, a viral reaction, a reaction to intense activity, etc. My little Ben's heart is whole and strong and healthy. It will continue to beat faithfully until the One who decides such things says it's time for it to stop.
Thank you, Lord.