Layin 'Em Down

Who's feeling burdened out there?  Can I get an "Amen!"?  I can't be the only one...

I've been struggling lately.  Without going into too much personal detail, I'll just say that the past few years of "real estate investing" (just another phrase for "spending buckets of money that doesn't belong to us") has caught up with us.  

I don't have "the market" to blame.  I don't have the government to blame.  I don't have anyone to blame but us.  The arrogance and thorough lack of wisdom and judgement that got us here....that's what I have to blame.

I feel scared.

Ashamed.

Embarrassed.

Uncertain.

Vulnerable.

And through all of my recent nights of tears and gut wrenching prayers for help...God seems silent.  To be honest, God seems absent.

That's what hurts the most.  

Is He just leaving us to deal with the consequences we brought on?  Maybe.  Is He working in us and in the background? Probably.  Is He here no matter what...no matter the state of my mind, heart, or pocketbook?  Definitely.

Sometimes I can't feel Him or hear Him...but I've come to trust that wonderful Book He gave us.

And then, in the midst of all this fear and shame and uncertainty, there's a song that I can NOT get out of my head ("Lay Em Down" by Need To Breathe).  It persistently loops through my brain morning, noon, and night.  I even find myself stepping to the rhythm of this music in my head.

(Hmmm...maybe this is a medication issue?  Hehehe!!)

No, I feel God moving me through the rhythm of this song.  

It reminds me of 1 Peter 5:7  - one of my favorite verses: 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

What a powerful verse!  I remember reading that verse for the first time.  It struck me that we have a God who not only acted mightily in history, and who is working out His grand plan today...but we have a God who cares about me and my little life, my little anxieties.  He's a personal God of details, not just of "THE PLAN" we always hear about.

I decided to dig a little deeper into 1 Peter 5:7.  What exactly does it mean to "cast" something on someone?  The Strong's Greek reference says that the translation of that word is "to throw upon".

Wow.

I can be a bit slow sometimes, but I think the Lord might be trying to tell me something here!

I pray.  I cry.  I beg.  I talk. I listen.  I sort of show up at His feet and I show him my worries...I tell Him all about it.  I ask for help.  

And then.

And then, I gather up my worries and go on about my day.

I don't quite lay 'em down.  I haven't yet managed to "throw upon" my anxieties...that would mean I'd actually have to LET. THEM. GO.

Why is it so very hard to surrender even the ugliness that burdens me?



Lisa  – (9/08/2009 09:52:00 AM)  

I know you've mentioned this to me in conversations...praying for you.

Everyday Becky  – (9/08/2009 09:47:00 PM)  

Great post and great song! It is one of my new favorites. I tried to leave you one of those cute little hearts on here, but couldn't remember the right code. So, imagine a cute little heart next to this:

Love you!

Mary Jo  – (9/09/2009 12:36:00 AM)  

Hi Daiquiri....Amazing. Talk about God answering prayer in the middle of the night. I, too, am going through a struggle right now. A friend is dying of peritoneal cancer (like ovarian cancer) and called me this afternoon to let me know she was stopping all treatment and was told she had approximately 2 weeks to live. My heart aches for her and her family. The suffering she is going through. She is 54 years old - a wife, mother, twin sister and grandma. She is suffering so and I find myself struggling this early a.m. (1:26 a.m.) and asking God "why?"
Normally, I don't question but I am tonight. I've been praying and asking Him to give me a sign of His presence - to show me He really is their and hears us. I believe this night He used you to show me Himself.
I have never turned my laptop on in the middle of the night and brought it downstairs to the spare bedroom. Never. I went to Facebook to read a comment you made to a comment I made to you. Starting reading stuff at your site and read about your blog. I decided to visit it and what do I see first thing but the verse about how our suffering produces perseverance etc. Then I read your blog and you quote 1Peter and the awesome verse about "casting our anxieties on Him" and then off to the right of the page is an "ad" about this blog helping to support ovarian cancer. HELLO MARY JO - LOL - you think the Lord is speaking to you.
I, too, am a Christian and love the Lord so much...Jesus is my best friend ....... rarely do I question Him and His motives in my life. As a matter of fact my life verse is "for we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and were called according to His purpose."Romans 8:28.....I know for a fact, that He does that. He did it in my life.....but this situation with my friend really is hard to grapple with.
I feel better tonight.....and I thank and Praise God for bringing me here tonight...to allowing me to be refreshed and encouraged by another one of His followers.
Keep doing what you're doing Daiquiri.....He's using you.
God's Peace I pray to you tonight also.
...your cousin Mary Jo Schubert Cyr

Jessica  – (9/09/2009 09:27:00 AM)  

Wow, between you and Mary Jo I'm in puddles here...again, at work. Need to Breathe is my all-time favorite band, and that song is going to truly be one of those timeless "greats" don't you think?

I'm convinced that stress/worries/doubts/fears, etc. come in waves and people seem to experience those things at the same time. I, too, have been feeling the pinch all those emotions can bring. I tend to be impulsive and act before thinking, but this time I've determined to wait this out and trust. Trust that the answers will come, that I don't have to go on a recon mission to find them.

Mary Jo, I can't imagine the grief you are feeling. How trivial my issues seem next to those that you and your friend are going through. I pray you both find peace and I'll trust with you that the God of miracles will show himself in miraculous ways.

Daiquiri, I pray that you, too, will find peace in this stressful time. If I've come to know anything about you, it's that you can take these obstacles and turn them into opportunities to teach your children...it's a beautiful gift.

In the meantime, making God's will my will,

~Jess

Mary Jo  – (9/09/2009 09:36:00 AM)  

I just downloaded "Lay 'Em Down" this morning. I, too, love that song. I have another one of Need To Breathe's song's on my ipod but can't remember which one. Another great Christian group (my favorite) is Third Day. Also, great Praise and Worship, Chris Tomlin.

Praying God's peace to us all and may we leave all that hinders us with Him as we follow Him this day.

Ozz at Large –   – (9/09/2009 10:18:00 AM)  

Wow. This blog is amazing. I have been struggling with the same thoughts and wondering why there is so much gloom in my spirit right now. Thanks for sharing. That song is one of our favorites. In some places he sounds like Russ Taff, one of my all time favorite gospel singers. You post has lifted my spirit today.

Amy  – (9/09/2009 05:11:00 PM)  

Love, love, LOVE this song - what a message of hope & faith!
I'm house hunting after 15 months of living with my parents (along with hubby & four kids & 3 siblings!), and disappointment after disappointment keeps crashing down on me. But just yesterday I told God, I don't care how hard it gets or how quiet You are, I'm in it for the long haul. Even if I go to my grave not understanding, or feeling like You are there, I KNOW You are in control and love me with an everlasting love and I'm going to trust that till the day I die.
So, thanks :)

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