Who's feeling burdened out there? Can I get an "Amen!"? I can't be the only one...
I've been struggling lately. Without going into too much personal detail, I'll just say that the past few years of "real estate investing" (just another phrase for "spending buckets of money that doesn't belong to us") has caught up with us.
I don't have "the market" to blame. I don't have the government to blame. I don't have anyone to blame but us. The arrogance and thorough lack of wisdom and judgement that got us here....that's what I have to blame.
I feel scared.
And through all of my recent nights of tears and gut wrenching prayers for help...God seems silent. To be honest, God seems absent.
That's what hurts the most.
Is He just leaving us to deal with the consequences we brought on? Maybe. Is He working in us and in the background? Probably. Is He here no matter what...no matter the state of my mind, heart, or pocketbook? Definitely.
Sometimes I can't feel Him or hear Him...but I've come to trust that wonderful Book He gave us.
And then, in the midst of all this fear and shame and uncertainty, there's a song that I can NOT get out of my head ("Lay Em Down" by Need To Breathe). It persistently loops through my brain morning, noon, and night. I even find myself stepping to the rhythm of this music in my head.
(Hmmm...maybe this is a medication issue? Hehehe!!)
No, I feel God moving me through the rhythm of this song.
It reminds me of 1 Peter 5:7 - one of my favorite verses:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
What a powerful verse! I remember reading that verse for the first time. It struck me that we have a God who not only acted mightily in history, and who is working out His grand plan today...but we have a God who cares about me and my little life, my little anxieties. He's a personal God of details, not just of "THE PLAN" we always hear about.
I decided to dig a little deeper into 1 Peter 5:7. What exactly does it mean to "cast" something on someone? The Strong's Greek reference says that the translation of that word is "to throw upon".
I can be a bit slow sometimes, but I think the Lord might be trying to tell me something here!
I pray. I cry. I beg. I talk. I listen. I sort of show up at His feet and I show him my worries...I tell Him all about it. I ask for help.
And then, I gather up my worries and go on about my day.
I don't quite lay 'em down. I haven't yet managed to "throw upon" my anxieties...that would mean I'd actually have to LET. THEM. GO.
Why is it so very hard to surrender even the ugliness that burdens me?