Being Still


One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 46:10 ~ "Be still and know that I am God." If I had to sum up this week? I'd have to do it with that beautiful verse.

This has been a week of being still. Being still, focusing on God, and evaluating my life a little bit. I didn't plan this. I didn't think "hmmm...I feel a little directionless. I need some guidance and so I'll seek His face." It was more like..."Nothing else seems to matter to me right now. The deepest desire of my heart right now is to just...be still."

It's like He called me to be still this week.

(And to do a lot of sitting on the couch, but that had less to do with a spiritual journey and more to do with the fact that I could barely stand for days after running last weekend's half marathon.)

And big surprise - I had my own little revelation during all that stillness. What is it, you ask? It is this:

I am living my grandest dream. Right. Now.

It sounds so small and cliche to just say it like that. There's really no other way to express it though.

I started the week feeling frustrated and discouraged about so many areas of my life. All this working, striving, hoping, planning...for what? It seems that nothing is going the way I'd like it to...like all of my work is for nothing.  And even when things go my way, it's not quite as soul-satisfying as I'd expected it to be.  Also, I have so many things I want to do in this short life of mine, so many dreams to chase. Where to start? Where to focus? Am I on the right path? How will this turn out?

And then, somewhere in the middle of my whining, that beautiful and gentle still small voice made it clear to me:

The greatest longing of my heart EVER? It's been to be a wife and mom. And just LOOK! God answered my prayers. I'm crazy in love with my husband. I have four incredible children. It happened. The greatest dream of my life...God gave it to me!

And what am I doing with this dream come true? I'm spending my time wishing it away! I'm spending my seconds and minutes and hours planning for a future that I'm not really even in control of! I'm WASTING the best part of my life!

Now, if you had pointed out this fact to me a month or so ago, I would have sighed and said "I know". And intellectually, I would have known. But I would have known it only with my head. Now? I know it with my heart and soul, from the tip of my head to my stubby little toes.  It really sunk in.  

Don't you love it when God does that in you?  I do.

Since the incredible moment that this truth pierced my heart and soul, I've looked at my life so differently.  Instead of just getting through these tough days of taking care of small children and the monotony of never-ending housework, I've been able to look at things with fresh eyes. 

Just look at all this laundry.  Just look at these dishes.  I get to spend my days taking care of the most incredible people and a beautiful home.  This was my dream.  It's happening right now!

Ack, Thomas, why won't you go down for a nap?  Never mind writing a blog post of processing photos, sit on the couch with me little one.  Let me kiss your soft cheek.  God answered my prayers with you, my sweet little boy.  You are my dream come true. 

This is my life.  My only life.  And it's absolutely spectacular!  It's my greatest and most passionate dream come true.  What an incredible gift.  

Anything past what's in front of me at this very moment?  It's extra.  Gravy.

And although anything else might seem small in comparison to the grandness that is my life right now?  I'm still so excited to see what it is...because God...the God who created the heavens and the earth...HE is the author of my little life!  And He has such a magnificent way of totally blowing me away!  

It sure is great to be his kid.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

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Craig and Bethany  – (4/26/2009 11:28:00 AM)  

What a GREAT post. I read it last night and have been thinking on how much of my dream I let slip away each day. I keep thinking, SLOW down, girl. Really thanks.

Lisa  – (4/26/2009 09:46:00 PM)  

I love you even more after reading this! A girl after my own heart. Jer. 29:11 is one of my life verses...love it!

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